[Danay]

I want to separate but know my husband will never cope for the same reasons I want to leave. He cant cook, doesnt work, cant use a computer, doesnt drive etc. He is an emotional leach and as crazy as it sounds it is his own self choices yet I still feel guilt ridden for wanting to go

[gayleggg]

Don't feel guilty. You are not his keeper and shouldn't let his dependency on you keep you from moving on. He'll have to learn to deal with life on his on.

I 100% agree with Gayle.

Unless he has a legitimate disability that prevents him from doing these things, he will be able to learn how to do them.

[Danay]

Thanks for replying,
Over night I was unwell with IBS he actually was helpful and ran out finding my meds etc but other times he could just continue and ignore me - I burnt my forearm on cooker few weeks ago. He heard from the family room but didnt bother coming in.
Its a bad burn and still getting dressed but hes not acknowledged it once.
How do I stop reacting to whatever mood hes in? I am either fired up to go or feeling sorry that he'll never cope

[CrimsonKing]

Originally Posted by Danay

I want to separate but know my husband will never cope for the same reasons I want to leave. He cant cook, doesnt work, cant use a computer, doesnt drive etc. He is an emotional leach and as crazy as it sounds it is his own self choices yet I still feel guilt ridden for wanting to go

Just interested, but has he always been this way or did he gradually become like this? I hate to see anyone break up with a spouse because I know the pain of that. But I know this has to be a difficult relationship for you. Have you actually had a really good talk with him about all of this? Maybe asking him to become more self reliant and more helpful for you. Because if you have done all of this and he refuses then it's totally understandable to be ready to walk away.

[Danay]

Originally Posted by CrimsonKing

Just interested, but has he always been this way or did he gradually become like this? I hate to see anyone break up with a spouse because I know the pain of that. But I know this has to be a difficult relationship for you. Have you actually had a really good talk with him about all of this? Maybe asking him to become more self reliant and more helpful for you. Because if you have done all of this and he refuses then it's totally understandable to be ready to walk away.

Hes always been like it from day dot. We never lived together prior to marrying so I had no idea but the impression he gave was of someone very capable and independent.
I knew he didnt drive but where he lived - central London theres nowhere to park a car so many dont drive. Mobile phones were relatively new when we married 25 years ago. He is sports fantantic so thought he just wasnt into computers and he used to speak about cooking for workmates when he worked nightshift...
In hindsight I think hes had an OCD for years but hasnt ever been diagnosed but is routine is so regimented and inflexible he actually wouldnt have time to cook - he says he cant work because he looks after 2 cats. Have to say he doesnt have time because exactly that. He checks on the cats hourly between 7am & midnight. Hes often exhausted from doing mundane chores that he draws out to last hours..
Our lives are so bizarre I cannot begin to explain yet he thinks all is well.
He never lives the garden, has not one friend anywhere, never speaks to anyone other than me my four siblings, my parents and his mum.
Seriously if I go he will have nobody and nothing other than 2 cats and sports channel

These things aren't your responsibility.

Believe me - he will learn.