In a nutshell: New to this site and newly divorced after 26 years of marriage. My ex served me with papers a few months ago. He has been having an affair for 6 years, long distance (business trips) with another married woman with a child. We have 2 school aged/teen children. I don't blame him because I have struggled with intimacy for many years due to past trauma. But I am still devastated. He did not want couples counseling. We can't afford to live apart because I have been a full time mom and now find that I am needing to start over and train for some kind of career as a near middle-aged person. I still love my ex dearly and since we can't live apart, I'm finding it impossible to let go. He just moved out of our bed last night and slept on couch. I cried all night. We try to keep morale up for the kids which requires pretending everything is fine. (We told them we are still friends) I can't seem to recover, every day there is a new layer of grief. How long does it take to get over 26 years? I have to speed this up because I need to find a way to support myself and kids. But I find myself crying all day. I tried a therapist but not a good fit. Any advice on living together as a divorced couple?

[leejosepho]

Welcome, phoenix108.

Originally Posted by phoenix108

I can't seem to recover, every day there is a new layer of grief. How long does it take to get over 26 years?

I think no one will know until you begin feeling better, but I think you can begin by knowing what has happened is not your fault. The two of you made your commitments at the marriage altar and you are still keeping yours even though your husband has not...and I hope you can find a good counselor who can help you sort through all of that and continue being the loving woman you have already proved yourself to be.

Originally Posted by phoenix108

I need to find a way to support myself and kids.

Hopefully you have access to a good attorney who can help assure that you and your children receive everything a judge can possibly order. Your husband can do as he pleases with his own life, but not with yours or with the lives of your children.