Welcome to Divorce and Separation

So much has happened, too much to write. It boils down to 15 year relationship, 10 years of marriage, at least a 2 year affair, 3 months of supposedly trying to make it work only to learn he never ended the affair.
I’m 53, he’s 47. His girlfriend has been relentless about sending me screenshots of their texts to prove it is still going on. Even sent an audio of them having sex. This last round of texts was too much. He keeps saying they aren’t real because he hasn’t had anything to do with her!
It’s killing me. I have a hard time walking away from a fifteen year relationship! I’m so broken, so depressed, and so lonely. I’m hurt, angry, confused, desperate, and lost. I have no one to really go to other than his mother. We have talked and she’s been so supportive. But I’m in a really bad place and don’t know what to do!

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I recently ended a 15 year relationship so I can relate. It’s a horrible horrible feeling.

It's been ten years since my divorce was final. This morning, I wrote down some of my feelings. Can anyone relate? I'm new. If I'm not using the right format, etc., just let me know.
He controlled me. Our finances were kept secret from one another. He wanted separate accounts. I wanted at least one mutual account to pay bills. That request was ignored as were my feelings, my ideas, and my thoughts….unless, of course, he wanted sex. It was the only time I felt close to him.

He stayed up late every night sitting in front of the computer and was wide awake until about 3 a.m. when he would crawl into bed and hold me tight. When he came into the bedroom, he would throw his heavy shoe on the floor. When I awoke, it was always earlier than him. I was told to tiptoe so he would not awaken. I was getting ready for work and could not turn the lights on to get ready. No lights, not even the closet light. Eventually, I moved to the upstairs bedroom, but even then, I was told what to do and when to do it. I tried to coax him and called his name when he was going through the typical ritual of sitting in front of the computer until 3, but he never heeded my call.

He had control over everything until I finally left him for good. I got in my Honda Civic and drove to a small town in Louisiana. I listened to Jewel and put my hand in the air to feel the wind. It felt sweet. It felt free. I was free.

H… New on online forums… Married 25 years been together since we were 19… Two small children 5 and 8… He left me because he says he idoes not know if he is in love with the women I welcome into our home and bed for a threesome… My fault I know…

I am sorry you are going through this. I have been with my husband since I was 13 and he just asked me for a divorce. We have a five year old with Autism and work different hours to accommodate her needs. We started leading very separate lives and the intimacy suffered. He also provides zero emotional support and his response is “it will be fine” for everything. He wants to go into mediation soon and not even look at separating first. He tells me there is no one else and I can account for his time so I have no idea. I’m just really scared of being alone. I’ve been with him for so long, but we grew into different people. I told him I would work on the intimacy and we could do therapy, but he wants no part of it. We are still in the same house and it is so awkward. He is so cold to me now. I have not been physically into him for so long and I’m sure this is best for me to. I just feel so lost and confused.

Hello. I'm not even sure if this is the place to go for help or advice. I'm considering divorce and it's such a scary process. Is a loveless marriage even a marriage? We've been married for over 19yrs and have 4 kids together. But I've come to this realization that we're incompatible. The last two years have been awkward living in the same household for us. I remained in this relationship out of convenient. I want a divorce but I'm afraid I have no means to support myself and the children if we divorce.

Its nice to be here with everyone.

I am happy yo have found this site. It is good to know I am not the only one going through this nightmare of a divorce after a 30 year marriage.

I'm new to this forum and I've been divorced almost 7 yrs now. I survived a narcissistic ex-husband, homeless, bad financial status and serious illness. If I survived all these obstacles, you will too.

I'm a new member, so I hope to meet, chat, or relate to others who are going or went through the same things that I experienced, when I divorced my ex 6 years ago.

Hi I’m new to this forum and currently going through a seperation/divorce. I have been married for 7 years and am in my mid thirties, no kids. I am really scared and sad. I am the one who initiated the divorce, husband is a nice person but always put his friends and family first and has been gambling. Also never helped out with cooking or cleaning etc. Went to counselling and he couldn’t hold his part. Gambling continues even after I said I had enough. I am the responsible one, take care of everything. Im exhausted and feel under appreciated. I sometimes question if I’m making the right decision but I can’t live like this and it’s been up and down for a very long time. And I think what kept me in this relationship as immature as it sounds was to want to be a mother one day. I recently froze my own eggs although it doesn’t guarantee anything but thought it was a good idea. Sigh.

Thanks for the encouragement

Im unfortunately heading into my second divorce. I found alot of support in a divorce forum years ago, but it seems to no longer be available. I was shocked to not see many options this time, so I'm glad to have found this one.

I don't have any particular question or complaint other than I at least know now what not to do regarding dating and marriage. That's a positive at least.

I feel like all I hear is lies but for some reason I cannot break away even though I know I need to. It is hard when you love someone.

HI,
So my wife left me 2 years ago, after 19 years of marriage (so much pain in 1 short sentence). We are divorced now, but talk regularly, mostly about the kids.
She never really told me why she left and I have been struggling ever since trying to accept the various horrible accusations she made. She recently agreed to have some discussions to help me find closure. and she just retracted a huge nasty statement she made at the time of separation that I have never been able to find peace with.
Tonight she made nasty comments about me not supporting my kids. I texted her that I shared all my income with her for the year and half of separation that was above and beyond. I have never withheld any financial support, and have even given more at times, so it feels very ungrateful. She said I took money from her which was completely untrue.
I have for so many years put her on a pedestal and respected her, and now I'm just struggling to acknowledge that she is a sick person (not nasty) and I should not be offended by her comments and attitudes.
Please don't tell me she's just sick and I should forget her. I need time to absorb it.

It's been 2 years and I'm still trying to move on....Hearts have such power!

New here.
My husband and I have been together for 15 years. Married for 10 years. We had 5 children together, 2 of which passed away during infancy. We have never really fought. More or less we would disagree on something and just agree to disagree. We have had many struggles., mainly financially after so many downs... the loss of our 2 children, loss of my job, having three more children (a set of twins included) he had a work related injury causing him to lose his job. Go unemployed for years ans lived off half his wages thru labor and industries. He finally landed a good job, but first year in he was in an accident and broke his back. Then I had the twins ans was taking care of house kids and him. Then he recovered returned to work and went into afib three times in one year also on short term disability during all that. Covid comes and he remained working although with all our life events were were drowning I. Debt. I could find a job due to both covid and the lack of work history over 12 years time. And although he asked me to help him financially I tried and tried and just haven't came up with a job yet. We were still ok relationship wise but broke. We opted to file for ch. 13 bankruptcy so we could get out of debt and keep out car and house. This was 6 months ago. He feels like he makes good money but we aren't getting anywhere, knowing full well that the bankruptcy was going to prevent us from. Immediately moving or anything. So we were ok. No fighting everything was good intimately and then one day 2 weeks ago he woke up in a different mood. I recognized it immediately and asked him what was wrong. He said he didn't know. Then he proceeds to me tell me he loves me but isn't in love with me. I know he was mad over getting paid and having nothibg left over. I would be mad too. But we didn't fight. He just came out and said he wanted a dicorce. I asked him to just think about it and he said he had and then I showed him a budget plan that would help us both financially. He didn't want to hear it. He wanted to discuss divorce and what I want from it. I told him I didn't want a dicorce I told him I will find a job and I told him we can do this together and be happier. He then said he needed time. Only then to come the next day bringing up divorce and wanting me to give him a set amount of money I want every month
. I told him I couldn't even think rationally as my emotions were all over the place. He mentioned waiting on dicorce til our bankruptcy explanation ends (approximately 2 and 1/2 years from now. We still have small talk and get along well until our separation comes up. He lives in a camper at his work. He usually messages each of kids "loveyou" at night but it's been 2 days and none of have heard from him. He did tell me he was going away this weekend and he needs time. I'm trying desperately to give him his time. I'm just having a hard time understand how this is so easy for Jim. Is he even thinking about me. He he misses me. I try to think it's not possible for him to not miss me, we spent the last 15 years not going a day without speaking. How can he not feel something about that.
Am I hopeful wishing when I sit here thinking he might come back to me? Has anyone else gone thru something similar and had their spouse come back?

How about couples counseling?

I'm going through a divorce and I have to say: I always knew my wife was a little out there but I didn't know that she was a total space cadet until we were married. Many of the things I've been accused of just. never. happened.

She's called me a bum, a *****, a liar, a free-loader, many I can't remember. Seems almost abusive.

Going through my own divorce right now. On complete no-contact because I need the distance. Miss him terribly, even though he is completely self-destructive. Trying to work through it every day.