Welcome to Divorce and Separation

my divorce was final this year it is hard but my ex husband did not understand my chronic pain and he did not understand my depression he was starting to be abusive to me he never hit me but he came close to many times.

i lift to go live with my family to get the treatment i needed for iuess i was having with my health and i was not getting it when i was with my ex husband he would get mad and upset everytime i would have to go to the doctor.

when i lift he said he was going to get help with his anger but i know he did not and he would not let me come back when i wanted to he wanted a divorce he payed for it to.

he just did not understand my chronic pain and my depression and other problems i was having. but i am glad now i did not go back because i know he was also cheating on me to he already has a gf and is marrying her

but i am better off without him if he was going to do that and was going to be abuseitve to me to. and the divorce was finial in jan or feb this year but i am hanging in there. trying to get through it

11 years married I am 62 and unhappy with my husband. I feel I have made too many concessions in this marriage. Where we live, my job, sex, activities, friends my husband is very messy his office/ garage look like disaster zones and are unsafe to enter without tripping over something. I am the opposite ok I respect his space and stay out but resent that he asks me when he can't find something and. Have to enter the mess to try and find things. Th man can't close a door on anything oh and he forgets anything and everything unless it has to do with his kids, friends, plane. He forgot me once for 3 hrs and I had to wait finally I asked a fellow volunteer for a ride home. He didn't think it was a big deal and didn't understand why I felt hurt. I am expected to always understand because I don't forget and he can't help forgetting things. we are hopefully selling our home in a few months. I want to relocate closer to my family. I have lived here because he wanted to be clos to his adult children who have no contact with him now for about 5-6 yrs. they have had stormy relationship since their teen years. I have always stayed out of their arguments. Husband states he wants to move but has specifically stated he wants to live in an airport community preferably on/near water. I don't need either, problems
with those things are too expensive, and isolated, I need to have people around. I would like to be able to walk in a neighborhood or small city. Not sure if we can find something to please us both, we are both stubborn and I personally feel that for 11 years I have lived his way and it would be nice if he could give a little this time.

I feel people think I should be further along in the healing process than I am. I think even on here. What can I do? I can't force healing. Is it the way I think that keeps me stuck? It would have to be. What you think is what you feel, right? I'd probably do better if I thought of someone other than myself for once. I'll keep working at it.

You need to think and take care of yourself right now. It's really tough to be rejected by someone. How long have you been going through this. Someone told me its like crossing a bridge, it takes time to get to the other side. I wish I could move on and make a life for myself, but I haven't yet either. Take care, and don't be so hard on yourself.

I got a divorce after 31 years of abuse; it has been 10 years and I am still ticked off. There are NO timelines for healing (if and when.....we heal).

Feelings aren't right or wrong, they simply......are.

I have been living with a terrible nightmare,,,,i see my wife like sleeping with someone else in bed ,,,suddenly she comes to me ,,,i beg her,, please do not go back to him any more,,,just remain with me....it seems like she is forced/obliged to go back/to be wih him,,he likely has some power/influence on her like if he is her second husband,,,,,,
plese help i am completely deterorized,,,falling apart,,,any explaination to this,,,we are goig through seperation...

First time posting here. Spouse decided to choose her secret second life to me, her husband, and two amazing sons. Two months ago tonight she attacked me, was arrested, then she swallowed 30 oxycodone, was hospitalized 12 days. God knows what they found in her. Having done my own research, I believe it was transitioning to heroin. So many symptoms of that particular addiction were part of her life. Scary.
I was granted full custody and restraining order. Divorce in process. I have never experienced the 5 stages of grief before and am amazed at how powerful they can be at times. Not just powerful in overwhelming way. Powerfully beautiful as well. I have a greater appreciation for how beautiful life can be now that she and her bag of awful is gone. The boys are thriving. I am healing. Love will find me again. An amazing experience. Thank you angels.

I am brand new member effective today and I have just started the process of getting a divorce! It is so overwhelming! Any and all info that I can obtain will help me!!! I just came upon this site and extremely excited for the help and guidance of others here. Thank you all in advance!

I am on my second marriage with a man who has Borderline Personality Disorder. I have given every possible effort in this marriage but unfortunately it is not enough for him. We use to have a wonderful relationship and were best friends. So many things have happened the past couple years that is hard to come up with just one reason why we are not doing well. To make long story short, he left our home at the end of October with the understanding that we would work at our relationship and he would come back. I only gave him two months because I can't go through this much longer. At two months, I thought things were going fairly well ad that he was moving back in. He then droves a bombshell that he is super depressed (again. always at this time of year and also part of his bipolar disorder) and doesn't care about anything anymore and just wants to die. He has not desire to move back in and is happier being alone. So what exactly am I suppose to do with that? He said he needs to go for pills but I have heard that so many times before and it only happened two times and then he stopped. I want to be there for him like I have always before but I am so hurt and feel betrayed by him. Trust is one of our biggest issues and how do you trust someone that never follows through with what he says? I told him I would give him one more month with the understanding he was going for help. I am so scared he won't. My only option at that point is to end the marriage. I can't be the only one working on our relationship. I can't put myself through anymore heartache. I have been seeing a shrink since spring and also taking anti depressants and sleeping pills. I have anxiety/depression that was most likely caused by our relationship issues. I am at a stand still with everything in my life because of this. I decided to come on here to see if there is anyone who can relate to what I am going through. I am not sure what answers I am looking for on here but I think talking to other people will help me.

Hello everyone, I am going through a situation that is leaving me with a broken heart. It is a very long story and it has taken 20 years to "write", but I will make this long story short. It is a 2 part story, actually so hang on. When I married my husband after dating him for 2 years, I noticed something very, very, odd and different about him. He had an awkward gait. He was always hyper even when "relaxed". He hated crowds and never walked slowly. He would become irritable in cycles... I even speculated that my menstrual cycles had some kind of affect on him. Eventually I began to put 2 and 2 together. He has a niece who is autistic, so I speculated that he might be autistic. I figured this could run in families. Soooo, I researched information about autism and concluded that he was on the autism spectrum with Asperger's Syndrome. I discussed this with an aunt who was also a psychologist and she was in agreement. I speculated this but he was never officially diagnosed.

About 5 1/2 years ago , he had surgery on his colon to remove a portion that had been diseased through diverticulitis. He also had a fistula removed that had gone from his intestine to his bladder. This fistula caused some of his poop to exit through his bladder. He was a mess and he dealt with severe gut pain on and off throughout the marriage and I sure previous to that. He pretty much ignored it, probably hoping it would one day go away. His step-son and I gave blood for the surgery. I stayed with him throughout his recovery and took time off work to help him heal at home. Well, needless to say the surgery was a big help and he feels so much better for it.

Soon after the surgery however, his behavior worsened . He became bizarre. He seemed to forget things and he made up stories that never happened. I will explain a couple of those stories soon. It seemed like anything and everything made him angry and we spent more time fighting then we did anything else. Eventually he just exploded and wanted a divorce. I told him that he could have his freedom because I did not want him to be with me if he didn't want to be with me. At the same time, I never saw that coming...I thought that he would eventually "calm" down so that we could get on with our lives.

I say that because I always connected the surgery with his extreme behavior but always considered it a form of Aspergers, just more extreme and bizarre. But what did the surgery have to do with this? Before he asked for the divorce I had gone to visit my daughter out of state. He texted me that he thought he was bipolar. I wish that I had had him elaborate on why he felt that way but instead I blew that off and said, no, I don't think you are bipolar , although I didn't really know the symptoms.

Two of the most memorable memory lapses was 1. We had just had intercourse and as we were dozing off , he yelled at me for not having sex with him. So I we had sex again and I asked him " you do realize that we did have sex earlier that night?" and he had no reply. I asked the same question the next day and he still had no reply. 2. He had told me that he saw me stopped by a train on the way home but didn't get a chance to blow his horn at me...I was not stopped by a train at all that day and he insisted that I had.

I just recently learned that my ex, re-married very soon to the time of our divorce to a woman he had met in El Salvodor. He has spent a lot of travelling for work but never to El Salvador. He said that a friend of his from work was paying his way for these tripsl That would have been 2 years ago. He had been pouring thousands of dollars out of his 401K to finance this marriage that he kept hidden from me. In the mean time he had asked me to pay for the divorce because he had no money AND on top of that I have been struggling with the rent just to keep a roof over my head and he left me with a $7,000 payment for his truck. Believe it or not, this is not the man I married. He has never shown himself to be flaky or irresponsible like this. I feel as if I have been thrown from a speeding car. He has also been drinking heavily , I discovered.

Now this is what I discovered about the surgery. Firstly, he had a defective gut practically all of his life, I am sure since birth. That is what gave him his aspergers symptoms in the first place. It is a common condition for kids with aspergers or autism to be born with digestive disorders. Digestive disorders cause leaky gut syndrome and it will affect the brain because some of the intestinal contents can permeate into the bloodstream and make its way to the brain. That is why there is a diet to help this condition called the "GAPS" diet. I believe that it stands for "Gut And Psychological Syndrome'. I believe that the surgery helped his diverticulitis but worsened his leaky gut and that is why I he is experiencing bipolar symptoms.

Now, I am at a crossroads ... where do I go what do I do. I love him and I want him to get help AND I do not want to lose myself in the pursuit. I know we are not supposed to swear, so I won't.

Thanks you for reading this compilation and any helpm words of comfort etc will be much appreciated.

Hi All, I just went thru a living hell after my wife decided she wanted ' to go in a different direction ". I guess the old " to death do us part ' should just be thrown out the window.
It's obviously a long story and I will share parts as I go along. I'm not much of a typer so I try to keep things short. But let me say this. I was married a very long time and because of my personal mental and physical situation I didn't even see it coming. For ME all the clichés are correct. Blinded by love , etc... It is like a death in the family and that's how I have to look at it to go on. The mental anguish I went through , especially having BPD , is and was horrific. To be continued...
All you people out there get all the help you can. If you have any feelings left for him/her its going to be hard. If your the kind of person who doesn't have any feelings left and have a ' replacement " or look with confidence about moving on it probably will be somewhat easier.

TO : GAMGIRL 31

Wow, your husband doesn't know how lucky he is to have someone who is trying to understand and keep the marriage together. Obviously if he wants to die he needs professional help. At the same time you need to be ready to move on with your life without him. See I was on the other side of this and got hit with a ton of bricks I didn't even feel ! You are being forewarned so get the help you need too.

Thanks! it was recommended I start a new thread. How do I do that?

Hi where do you live. Knowing that can help a great deal in starting the process. I'm also thinking about starting mine. RosieDee

Where do you live by the way. What can I help with.

Hi everyone I'm new here. Going through a separation right now going on 4 months. Been married for 21years.trying to work it out.

I agree... divorce is by far and away the scariest and most excruciating experience, but I'm moving on

Just keep living until you feel alive again. Ask anyone and everyone for support.... ask them to live with you for awhile if need be.

Just keep living until you feel alive again. Ask anyone and everyone for support.... ask them to live with you for awhile if need be.

I hope you are doing better. We have to do what we have to do for awhile to manage the shock and pain. I drank a lot of alcohol and called people and sobbed while I was drunk. Now have a counselor, support group, and family and friends (despite drunken rants.) I completely fell apart. Almost 6 months have passed now and am doing much better. Joined a health club and got a personal trainer and am looking to move to a community with more people my age (I'm 63!) Divorce process coming to conclusion. My old life is gone.

You will eventually get out of bed... it's a process. You will get through this, but I know about the gut-wrenching pain.

"Good on you Grandessa"

I have been divorced for 8yrs now! First few months was shear hell for me! (Thank god my 3 girls had grown up!) Could not sleep, eat, wash, go out, talk to anyone, looking for answers and stirring into the gas fire like a zombie!!!!!!!!!!!!

`NOW` Over the turmoil (Thank God) More barriers guarding my heart now!!!
Depression and anxiety has calmed down to a certain degree!!!

`I know that this will never happen again` CAUSE, I will stay on my own!!!!!

Thanks Campervanman (story behind that handle?)

I'm kind of excited by what I'm learning from this. Truth be told, I have a great life��

Flintstone is exactly right! My former husband gave me divorce papers 4 months ago after a 41 year marriage. Now I get to heal a "victim mentality" that I've had from childhood, where my mother victimized me and encouraged my 6 siblings to do so as well. An old trauma that is now revealed so it can be healed. Not easy, and like Jamielow, I was gutted and did not see this coming. Went straight back into the early trauma and was suicidal. Too much pain... more than I felt I could bear.

Doing better now, but still triggered. Now, more aware and beginning work on boundaries with the lifelong victim trauma.

Motto: keep living until you feel alive again.

I just divorced in Jan 2017.

I have a question....I was in prison for 50 months and 2 days. Upon my return, I found out that my wife had a relationship with another man during the 13 till the 23rd month of my incarceration. She never told me about it and I only discovered it through some emails that she failed to delete.
My question....did she cheat on me?