Looking for comfort to heal

Hi,

I am new to this forum. I got divorced 3 years ago and I am still having issues dealing with the loss.

In addition to missing my ex and the life we had together I have come to realize that I was the source of most if not all of the problems in the relationship. I am struggling with regret and guilt for not having realized this in time (or long before that).

I don't know how to forgive myself and move on and I don't know how to stop obsessively thinking about what I lost because of my own selfishness and unwillingness to grow up.

I have constant severe anxiety and have not slept more than a few hours a night for the last 3 years. It affects the rest of my life.

I want to feel ok again but I don't know how to believe that I deserve to. I have spoken with several counselors and mostly the advice that I get is to accept it, breathe, and move on. But I am stuck on it and can't let go.

I feel like I just need to heal and going back 14 years and making different choices is the only way I can envision that happening, and I worry that I am wasting my current life like I wasted all these years already, but I just can't get past it.

Thanks for reading.

Welcome to pc. Im new here also. Im sorry your going through so much but I think your counselors are right. Instead of worrying whos to blame just focus on moving forward. Theres articles on this site that might help you. Hope you find what you need here. Just remember your not alone. Take care.

Hi kim77. I'm glad you are here.

As a divorced woman, I can empathize with your situation, and I've been divorced 9 years as of 3/15/2008.

You may IM me if you like, but I am curious as to why you feel so bad and that you don't deserve to move on.

Hugs to you!

I would focus on making the changes NOW in yourself that caused the problems in your previous marriage. Focus on making yourself the person you WANT TO BE instead of focusing on what you weren't.

Then when you do come across a wonderful guy in the future you not only wont mess up thart relationship like the last one but you will also be happier living with yourself & probably find you have more friends to enjoy doing things in life with.

We all are work in progress though my ex was nevercapable of change & never will be so glad to hear you are working on making the changes in yourself that you realized hurt the marriage.

No point in guilt. Thete are just some things in our life that teach us. Just look at itvas a learning opportunity for the rest of your life & be thankful youvare capable of changing