[MrMoose]

Hi--
It's a pattern:
Day 1, I will do something to upset my wife, or my younger daughter will, and she'll blame me for it, and she'll decide to become enraged, starts breaking things, sometimes she descends to hitting me or younger daughter, she yells that she wants out, she wants to divorce, she never wants to see me again. Then she'll say that a) she wants me and younger daughter to leave or b) she and elder daughter are leaving or c) we should sell the apartment, pay off the bank, and both leave, or d) she's just going to let our place decay and rot and go into foreclosure and she doesn't care.
Day 2, the same
Day 3, she calms down, moves on to something else.

My problem is that whatever I agree to, she changes her mind, in true narcissist fashion: "I've changed my mind."

I don't believe we really have a long-term future. I'm just not sure how to get out of it now. Sometimes I'd just like to leave, but I can't afford it, and my company is downsizing like crazy these days so I feel completely stuck. Some days I just think I'll stick it out as best I can until the kids leave for college, then I can look forward to dying of old age.

Anyway, that's today. It sucks.

[MickeyCheeky]

I hear your pain.. I'm so sorry you're in a bad situation

[TishaBuv]

I have a similar situation.

It didn't escalate to this level over night. It is years in the making.

Is it a personality disorder or just a person whose been driven mad from stress and frustration? Or are they the same thing?

You do not have to resolve to live in misery and pray for death. There are infinite ways you can act and react. Your behavior is causing and allowing her to act the way she is acting. For example: (and I am not saying you should) If you sock her in the kisser when she opens a nasty mouth, she will change what she is doing. You will teach her to shut up or she will promptly call the police and divorce you.

I am not advocating violence, just saying, you are perpetuating your own misery by your actions.

We've been seeing a marriage t, I now see my own psychiatrist, and I told my h to just forget having sex with me because that is our trigger. I don't know how this will resolve.

[Erebos]

I am sorry?
She is laying hands on your daughter and you do nothing?

Have her charged with assault, that might at least wake her up for a minute, if you were hitting her and your kids would anyone think twice about telling her to leave you or press charges.
I don't understand how this is even a thing. You don't hit your kids in anger. It's assault.
Also what does this teach your daughter about boundaries.
It's ok to be with someone who hits you?

Sorry but this is not a healthy environment for anyone.

[metalchick]

I agree this is a bad situation for you and your children...Next time she does this, call the police and file charges...this is abuse.

[MrMoose]

Originally Posted by Erebos

I am sorry?
She is laying hands on your daughter and you do nothing

Also what does this teach your daughter about boundaries.
It's ok to be with someone who hits you?.

Yeah, the wife is VERY careful to keep the hitting within the limits of the law (hands only) and its apoarently not illegal to scream at your kid that shes a "F***** LITTLE ..(etc)"

And yes, I tell my daughter often: "this isnt love its abuse--dont marry a man who treats you this way..." but I'd like to lead by example and leave.

And no, if the police arrive they'll take one look at me and one look at my wife, who is very good at nice nice when she wants, and haul me off to the clink.

[Erebos]

I can't speak for the law where you are, but if your daughter reported to her guidance counsellor every time she was being hit I suspect things would be acted upon,
but kids learn by example not word's.
Your daughter is basically being told that even if she is being abused their is nothing she can do about it.
Be careful you don't create a pattern for life. Making excuses for abusive partners is a hard habit to break.

Could you not put your daughter into self defense classes, or similar. So that she was at least in a position to defend herself.
I have o agree with a previous post, your making a rod for your own back by not making your wife answer for her behaviour.
Unfortunately at the expense of your child.

Words are not enough,it's actions that count.

Also is there anyone her who can shed more light on the assault or abuse laws in this gentleman state, that would be v.helpful.