[Marilyn2016]

So, tomorrow it's for real. I will be legally signing away my marriage. There is no other place to go at this point. We speak/message regularly. He makes comments like, "oh I can't wait for us to be together again", or "it's my dream to have us be together again". All I know is he is back in the Netherlands, and I have to start acting like I can live without him. I know it all takes time, but cutting him off, really letting him go feels impossible. I don't want to, but I know I should. EVERYONE I know tells me he's bad news. EVERYONE says he's used me, and yet I'm still drawn to this guy. What the hell is wrong with me. Can't I just be strong and independent, and move the hell on with life?

I can't bring myself to delete him, but to keep leading him on is even worse. I'm so sad. I'm tired of losing people in my life. I'm afraid I'll never be accepted by anyone other than him again. I feel awful. When do I press delete? When do I bring all of this crashing down on him? Isn't it supposed to be over since we are getting a divorce? Well, apparently, I'm a sad example of someone who just couldn't let go when I should have....

I don't know what I expect by writing this. I guess I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.

If you are signing tomorrow, you must have made a decision and I recall that you said he is abusive. You must still love him in many ways; you loved him enough to marry him. I assume that you made this decision on your own, not based on what EVERYONE says but instead tried to evaluate your needs based on his behavior rather than purely on your emotions. That being said, of course it is a very emotional time for you. Marriage can be as significant to our life as a birth or death. It is a big deal and will take a lot of time to move on from. Go easy on yourself. <<extra hugs>>

[MrMoose]

Because loneliness is terrifying and abuse is merely dreadful? I would take loneliness at this point, though, gladly, willingly, and maybe i could have lunch occasionally with some old friends.