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Member
Member Since May 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 48
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Oct 04, 2017 at 10:51 PM
#1
My husband and I are in limbo land right now. We have agreed that a divorce is best. We have came to an agreement on splitting our assets. He will be moving out and the kids and I are keeping the home.
But....he has asked to stay at the house for a few weeks to get his affairs in order. (Yes, this is as stressful as it sounds....) So here we are pretending that everything is normal for the kids. I think we should wait until he finds a place to live so we can show them that we have everthing worked out and they have nothing to worry about. He says we should tell them now so they have time to process before he moves out. I'm concerned it will confuse them that we are still living together. Or running out for bank appointments. My kids are 9 and 11 and tend to be high anxiety to start with. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice on this? |
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 Anonymous57777, MickeyCheeky, Shazerac
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,505
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Oct 08, 2017 at 12:38 AM
#2
That's kind of a tough one. I would be inclined to go with your idea of waiting. But I can see his point also. Have you actually filed papers?
If the kids were littler, I would definitely wait. If they were over 13, I would tell them sooner. Where they are in age, it's less clear. If you tell them now, they might feel they have to try and talk you out of going ahead with this. They might feel very sorry for their father and dread his leaving. You and he might be provoked into arguing by the kids' reactions. The kids don't need to be placed in a position of feeling they have to choose sides. I think a lot depends on how well he and you can keep your cool over the next few weeks. |
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
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Oct 08, 2017 at 03:05 AM
#3
I'd agree on waiting, since they have hig anxiety and are still little kids.. I hope everything will go well. Good luck
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 Rose76
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Grand Magnate
Member Since May 2015
Location: earth
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Oct 08, 2017 at 01:34 PM
#4
My vote is waiting until he is actually out of the home.
__________________  Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg 
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Rose76
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Magnet
Member Since Jun 2017
Location: in the garden
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Oct 08, 2017 at 11:59 PM
#5
I think your idea of waiting until he has a place to live is wise. That way there will be a concrete plan and a specific new home for their dad that they can see, so they're not left with a bunch of unknowns. Depending on the situation, if you are both able to co-parent peacefully saying something right before he packs and moves might work, so that they have time/access to ask you both questions, and also so that the actual move isn't a surprise or happening without explanation.
__________________ Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by accidents of time, or place, or circumstance, are brought into closer connection with you. (St. Augustine) |
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Rose76
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