[Whichwayisup82]

The guy was supposed to be my "best friend". For nine or ten years they had an affair (even in my own bed and my son's bed). I never caught them, she finally told me about it and said she loved me and would never do it again and will never see or talk to this man again, should I forgive her, and how can I ever get my trust back, and get this knife I feel is sticking in my back out???
They even went so far as to involve both my SISTER and MOTHER into aiding them in hiding this 5 year affair with my girlfriend , they knew about it the whole time and never said ****..
how long before the pain goes away, because I don't even want to live anymore, it hurts so bad.*

The guy's got an ***** kicking when I see him, but should I trust her again?

[robbie6413]

That’s so sad you family didn’t have you back. But there is no doubt this chic HAS TO GO!!!

OUCH. That would sting and burn like hell. Only you can know whether you have it in your heart to forgive and move forward. Trust may be very difficult after this. That's a long-term affair. Your family should have told you. That's appalling. I don't know if I personally could move forward after that. A 9-10 year long affair and in the same bed would be unforgivable for me. I am soooo sorry. I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. ((((((((Hugs))))))))

[Faith50]

My soon-to-be ex husband had an emotional affair for about two years during our 8 year marriage. He ultimately walked out with another married woman in March. Moral of the story? The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If she could do this to you and allow your family to be involved, that is pretty harsh behavior. Speaking from experience, it hurts more the second time you find out about an affair than it does the first time. I would personally get out. It's the best, yet hardest, decision I have ever had to make. I know he will do it again if I keep letting him back in, so good riddance! I hope you find happiness wherever it may be

[RainyDay107]

Can you see an individual therapist just for you? This is a huge blow, obviously, and a therapist can help you sort your feelings and give you a confidential place to talk. That will enable you to decide if you want to try marriage counseling to save the marriage or if you want out and divorce. I wish you the best.

[Rose76]

How long ago was their affair over. She was your wife, or your girlfriend, when this happened?

Believe it or not, couples do survive infidelity. I've seen it. I've seen relationships get put back together better than they ever were. Your wife's infidelity was a bit extreme. But I can't say for sure there's no way this marriage survives. What prompted her to confess?

Right now you are in major pain. You don't have to make an irrevocable decision right away. Take some breaths. This may be a time to wait before committing to a course of action.

[RainyDay107]

Originally Posted by Rose76

How long ago was their affair over. She was your wife, or your girlfriend, when this happened?

Believe it or not, couples do survive infidelity. I've seen it. I've seen relationships get put back together better than they ever were. Your wife's infidelity was a bit extreme. But I can't say for sure there's no way this marriage survives. What prompted her to confess?

Right now you are in major pain. You don't have to make an irrevocable decision right away. Take some breaths. This may be a time to wait before committing to a course of action.

Quite true! I know a couple that are close family friends are about to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. I don’t know the details, but the wife had an ongoing affair for several years. The affair has long since ended and they seem very happy together.

I can’t say how I would proceed but wanted to say that Rose makes a good point. The relationship may be able to be repaired and trust reestablished, although both spouses would need to want it and I think a good marriage/family counselor should be involved.

The son’s behavior...I don’t know what to say. I imagine he felt pulled in both directions especially if he is younger.