Shock and Ow

Hi all.

I am a married man that's been is a marriage (to an ordained pastor) for 17 years and have 2 teen daughters. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety of my own for about 4 years to where I will get to a point and then just shut down. My wife approached my parents a few years ago saying that she was on the brink of divorce. I tried getting help for about a year and then stopped.
Eventually (about a year ago) I sought help again with a counselor that I felt some affinity with and started making some real progress in the way that I see the world. I started appreciating what I had in life and for the last 6. Months instead of working so much I finally found a balance but still occassionally struggle. A few weeks back we took a family walk and due to a bad morning- I shut down and went silent. To my surprise last weekend my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. The last week has been like hell on earth for me with emotions hitting me left and right like they were fired out of a canon. She is now very cold and shut down. My regrets are my own that we didnt take it more seriously but I'm in shock that this is happening.

Hello Unraveled: Thank you for sharing your concern here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central. One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Coping with Emotions forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/coping-with-emotions/

And then here are links to 9 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help:

Depression: Symptoms, Types & Treatments | Psych Central

Living with Depression: A Guide for Coping with Depressive Feelings | Psych Central

How To Deal With Depression After Divorce: 5 Actionable Tips

When One Spouse Wants Out of the Marriage But the Other Doesn't

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...tional-wounds/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/shocke...t-to-recovery/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...after-divorce/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...t-to-the-curb/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-be...ional-divorce/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Super sorry, Unraveled. i went through the same thing long ago. What I learned from that is that, when they mention divorce, for me, that is the time to leave. I should have ditched her then, because all it did was cause more misery and drag it out longer. If someone will mention it, they are ready to do it, at least in my experience.

You will get through this. It will be okay. I met a much better woman after my divorce. She had her own issues, but she was still a better choice for me. So, hang in there. You will make it.

Sending you support.