I Think I Learned Too Late:

All this talk from her about how in 5 years of separation, we could heal and come back together as a couple.

We've already lived, essentially separated for 4 years now.

And then, potentially get back together, to possibly go through this all over again, because I'm not on the same vibrational level???

Even my therapist aggrees that's not a realistic option.

So, im working on my divorce documents today.

I agree with your therapist. It’s too one sided and it sounds like you are being used for her financial benefit.

If there is an arrangement where you both financially benefit equally, a more business arrangement can be made and you can pursue a new partner, that’s different.

Once she moves, I'll no longer be financially supporting her.

So, we expect the final "big" business deal to close by December, about $2 million in total.

Per our agreement, she will buy the home i have picked out for me (less than $500k) and then she can be on the east coast near her grandkids by Christmas 2023.

I think 🤔 f you “both” contributed then you should split that big business deal equally. That’s what is fair imho.

It’s very hard to love someone who doesn’t love you back. You MUST get past that turning into you thinking you have no value to the point of giving up what should be yours.

You are still young enough to have a loving relationship with another woman. The universe is showing you that. Moving forward use what you have learned to protect yourself and also use what you have learned to engage in a healthier relationship. We ALL learn and grow as we live our lives.

That's one of the kindest things anyone has ever said to me.

It's sad....

I know i have to end it, but i still wish that i didn't have too.

I always look for happy endings...

You are not really ending your marriage, your wife is, she has stated several times now to you that she wants to part ways.

What you have to do is accept that you can’t change that and move on towards creating a happier life path for yourself. ❤️

why even your therapist? does the therapist in general endorse your wife's vibrational nonsense?

Egyptian eye makeup was a new expression for me (you described your Latina client in her 50s, when transformed, with it), but I looked it up and of course it makes total sense.

The therapist says that these things are really "real" to some people and that some people will make life decisions based on stars, frequencies, visions, etc.

Im just hurt to see her hurting like this.

Every time i see her suffering, i try to find a way to make her feel better and its heartbreaking that i find myself powerless to do anything corrective, or anything at all to ease her pain.

She talks openly about this huge wall she built to protect her heart and added that it "makes her feel safe."

The rest of the conversation became a blur. She mentioned something about "it would take just as many years to fix it as it did to break it" but i don't recall her exact words.

She got really upset when i shared that my therapist felt like "your wife has checked-out and you just need to move on."

The checked-out comment really seemed to upset her.

She also seemed upset by the fact that ive been getting rid of all our photos. Ive never had passwords on my phone and she could browse it whenever she wanted. She asked for my phone last night so she could call hers and she noticed many photos were gone.

I told her that we all cope differently. For me to "detach" and "disconnect" i need closure...i need the situation to make some kind of logical sense.

I explained, "when you move to South Carolina, i know my heart, im gonna make excuses to visit, because my heart has this unbelievable sense of hope, that love is real, even if hidden and i dont think i could physically bear going through the hope and the possibility of doing this all over again."

She said, "you can't fix anything. You can only let go. Whatever will be will be."

I have read your entire thread. My initial thought....try your best to move on a d start anew. Take time for yourself and do activities that fill your soul as often as possible amid all the other day to day things we all must do. Hopefully your spouse will do ThE right thing with the finances. Question : if you hadn't married her would you have ever picked her for a friend?

Very important now to start to rebuild a new , happier life

@Deejay14

Yes. She was the best friend i ever had and it was apparent very early on.

Hard to deal with this grief.

Hard to deal with the fact that nothing i can do can change this outcome.

For now, i see her everyday. We live together, we share accounts of our days, i still miss her, but I've stopped calling and texting her.

There's a lonliness in this that's hard to accurately define.

I think so logically and that doesn't work well in affairs of the heart.

Somehow, to survive this, i feel like i have to extinguish all hope. I have this audacious sense of hope and it messes with me.

I plan to eventually block all methods of contact with her once the finances are settled. She's adamant that she wants to remain friends, but i see that as only keeping hope alive, especially with her living on the other side of the country. I naturally gravitate towards her and i can see my dumbass getting on a plane to go and see her.

I ride the roller coaster of happy and sad all the time. As soon as i feel like ive accepted it, i reject it and search for crumbs of love and hope.

My thoughts today.

It hurts to see her hurting.

I feel guilty because im a huge part of her pain.

This marriage was the focal point of everything ive done over the past 10 years, and now, i just feel so totally adrift, like my purpose is suddenly gone.

I'd give all of my tomorrow's if i could see that genuine smile back on her face. She's a shell of her former self.