I Think I Learned Too Late:

All this talk from her about how in 5 years of separation, we could heal and come back together as a couple.

We've already lived, essentially separated for 4 years now.

And then, potentially get back together, to possibly go through this all over again, because I'm not on the same vibrational level???

Even my therapist aggrees that's not a realistic option.

So, im working on my divorce documents today.

I agree with your therapist. It’s too one sided and it sounds like you are being used for her financial benefit.

If there is an arrangement where you both financially benefit equally, a more business arrangement can be made and you can pursue a new partner, that’s different.

Once she moves, I'll no longer be financially supporting her.

So, we expect the final "big" business deal to close by December, about $2 million in total.

Per our agreement, she will buy the home i have picked out for me (less than $500k) and then she can be on the east coast near her grandkids by Christmas 2023.

I think 🤔 f you “both” contributed then you should split that big business deal equally. That’s what is fair imho.

It’s very hard to love someone who doesn’t love you back. You MUST get past that turning into you thinking you have no value to the point of giving up what should be yours.

You are still young enough to have a loving relationship with another woman. The universe is showing you that. Moving forward use what you have learned to protect yourself and also use what you have learned to engage in a healthier relationship. We ALL learn and grow as we live our lives.

That's one of the kindest things anyone has ever said to me.

It's sad....

I know i have to end it, but i still wish that i didn't have too.

I always look for happy endings...

You are not really ending your marriage, your wife is, she has stated several times now to you that she wants to part ways.

What you have to do is accept that you can’t change that and move on towards creating a happier life path for yourself. ❤️

why even your therapist? does the therapist in general endorse your wife's vibrational nonsense?

Egyptian eye makeup was a new expression for me (you described your Latina client in her 50s, when transformed, with it), but I looked it up and of course it makes total sense.

The therapist says that these things are really "real" to some people and that some people will make life decisions based on stars, frequencies, visions, etc.

Im just hurt to see her hurting like this.

Every time i see her suffering, i try to find a way to make her feel better and its heartbreaking that i find myself powerless to do anything corrective, or anything at all to ease her pain.

She talks openly about this huge wall she built to protect her heart and added that it "makes her feel safe."

The rest of the conversation became a blur. She mentioned something about "it would take just as many years to fix it as it did to break it" but i don't recall her exact words.

She got really upset when i shared that my therapist felt like "your wife has checked-out and you just need to move on."

The checked-out comment really seemed to upset her.

She also seemed upset by the fact that ive been getting rid of all our photos. Ive never had passwords on my phone and she could browse it whenever she wanted. She asked for my phone last night so she could call hers and she noticed many photos were gone.

I told her that we all cope differently. For me to "detach" and "disconnect" i need closure...i need the situation to make some kind of logical sense.

I explained, "when you move to South Carolina, i know my heart, im gonna make excuses to visit, because my heart has this unbelievable sense of hope, that love is real, even if hidden and i dont think i could physically bear going through the hope and the possibility of doing this all over again."

She said, "you can't fix anything. You can only let go. Whatever will be will be."

I have read your entire thread. My initial thought....try your best to move on a d start anew. Take time for yourself and do activities that fill your soul as often as possible amid all the other day to day things we all must do. Hopefully your spouse will do ThE right thing with the finances. Question : if you hadn't married her would you have ever picked her for a friend?

Very important now to start to rebuild a new , happier life

@Deejay14

Yes. She was the best friend i ever had and it was apparent very early on.

Hard to deal with this grief.

Hard to deal with the fact that nothing i can do can change this outcome.

For now, i see her everyday. We live together, we share accounts of our days, i still miss her, but I've stopped calling and texting her.

There's a lonliness in this that's hard to accurately define.

I think so logically and that doesn't work well in affairs of the heart.

Somehow, to survive this, i feel like i have to extinguish all hope. I have this audacious sense of hope and it messes with me.

I plan to eventually block all methods of contact with her once the finances are settled. She's adamant that she wants to remain friends, but i see that as only keeping hope alive, especially with her living on the other side of the country. I naturally gravitate towards her and i can see my dumbass getting on a plane to go and see her.

I ride the roller coaster of happy and sad all the time. As soon as i feel like ive accepted it, i reject it and search for crumbs of love and hope.

My thoughts today.

It hurts to see her hurting.

I feel guilty because im a huge part of her pain.

This marriage was the focal point of everything ive done over the past 10 years, and now, i just feel so totally adrift, like my purpose is suddenly gone.

I'd give all of my tomorrow's if i could see that genuine smile back on her face. She's a shell of her former self.

Today, we worked in the garden, we planted more plants and i washed her car, (which she always says shows more love than flowers to her.)

After we were done, she showered - which is where she meditates - and she asked to speak with me.

I took notes to share with my therapist.

She said, "In the shower, i received a word from the Holy Spirit that our life together is over. There's nothing 5 years of separation will fix. I've been hesitant to let go all the way, but I'm very certain now that our journey is over.

I received a vision of you in the future at the law firm and you were happy and everyone loved you and understood you and your conversations were effortless.

The message i received was that your soul craves notoriety, achievement, status and power.

I once thought the firm was "our" destination. Now i see that it was our last stop together. This is where your soul rises to its full potential and i also rise to my own potential.

I want to experience more in the spiritual realm and teach others to find this path. My soul is on a much higher path, a much higher vibrational frequency, and this "difference" in our soul paths is why our communications are often so uncomfortable.

But, in the realm of law, the quirks that annoy my spirit make you brilliant. People understand you and everyone comments on how smart and humble you are, and i think that's a genuine part of you, but our souls were always in conflict, so we never relaxed around each other.

I believe we will be together again in the next life, when we have both healed, but we cannot move forward together. This only brings suffering because our soul contract has expired.

I love you and you gave me the very best years of my life. I recall you carrying me to and from the toilet after my surgery. You were my hero. But as we grew, we took different paths. We drifted. We changed.

Sometimes people drift apart and the back together.

I do not see this happening with us.

I want to live off the grid in nature. I want to grow my own food and connect with mother earth. I have no sexual desire whatsoever, not for anyone. I have a strong desire to live alone and be with my grandkids.

You love comfort, the convenience of cities, the neatness and order, and this is because your mind follows logical order. You love writing poetery and exciting a woman's mind. You can play a woman's body as skilfully as you play guitar and you deserve to enjoy that. All of that was wasted on me.

I see a woman in your future. Very dark and exotic looking. She will become your number 1 fan and she will stand beside you and support you in this new journey. She will match your sexual desires and she will be totally smitten with you.

Your future is very bright and involves many things, but its all connected to your work in the realm of law. That is your calling.

Its like we boarded a train 10 years ago. Today, we are getting on different trains going different directions. We can still see each other's train off in the distance. We can still hear the whistle. We can still see its lights.

We will never be far apart. Our souls made a rare and beautiful connection and in that respect we will always have fond memories.

I will always reach out to you to see how you are doing. Its up to you if you accept that call or not, but i really like you and i deeply love you. I enjoy hearing from you. I always want to stay connected on that level, if you allow me.

I didn't like the arguments or the confusion, but there was a lot of good that came out of us coming together.

You deserve to be near people who admire you. People where you feel like conversations are natural and easy.

I never understood your love of music and performing. You deserve to be with someone who does.

You deserve to have someone who supports your dreams.

I thank you for the lessons you taught me, no matter how painful. They've made me a better person. Now, i feel like i have to jump off the wheel of karma. The lessons are over for now. There's nothing to stay married for.

Our time was only for a season, not eternity.

I learned a lot from you and you from me. Every experience was preparing us for the next step of the journey.

I think, that if we can see this for what it really is, and learn from it, we can move past it without regret.

It was wrong to hold on to hope and expect you to wait for me. 5 years would bring much healing, but it would also bring more change, probably driving us even farther apart.

So, in the days and weeks we stay together for our mutual goals, we can enjoy much happiness if we choose too. We can choose to celebrate our life together or be angry because it did not work out.

You owe me no commitment. You were faithful to me and you kept your promises. But, its time for you to get on your train and find your future.

You have medical/dental/vision as long as we remain married. When you are ready, we can divorce. I won't make that unpleasant. But, you shouldn't feel like you need to wait until we divorce to enjoy another woman. When you find her, tell her about your life. I would back all of this up if i was ever asked and my text messages prove these things to be true.

We will always be in contact as we move forward. I will always be here for you and you for me."

You have too much energy for her. You like to be around people and engage and she prefers quiet and solitude. That’s the bottom line in her speech to you.

Said with the best intention: I have found it useful in my life to learn to be my own best friend. Of course I did not learn this until I was 40. I prefer to be around people but I have learned life can be just as good with Me, Myself,and I. My husband and I are very respectful about having alone time when needed. Take this time to figure out what you need. a little selfishness in this case is okay.

Im a work in progress

Our performance is about to begin...