[carefulboy]

Hi, everyone. So, I'm 38 male and I'm going through a hard time with my marriage. It's been almost 17 years of a life basically without sex. Now, in the last 6 months, I had sex only twice. I got a good appearance, proper hygiene, I provide for my family and my 2 kids. I help with the chores and I work 2 jobs also.
MY CASE IS RARE??? We got 2 kids: unfortunately they are too young to understand. About my sexless marriage... I've tried everything: talking to her, crying to her, having an argument with her, going to therapy with her, tried doing more chores. I've tried doing many things. Changing my appearance multiple times. She cooks for us and keeps the house clean, but she won't let me help on the chores to the point that she don't even let me stay at the kitchen or at the laundry (I bought 100% of the appliances and the house). She does the "maternal" part, which I told her many times "do not make my food, let me make this... do not clean this for me" and so on... When I try to talk to her about our situation (lack of intimacy), she changes immediately, becomes a beast, because she gets really mad, her voice changes, her look changes, everything changes, the excuses come at full speed and it's always the same "I'm trying... I did this and I did that".... All ********. She always have a reason: "I got a headache, I'm tired," When we rarely have sex, she makes sure it's awful so that I won't look for her anymore (completely emotionless)... You might think "I" should do this and that, won't work, sorry. She always does that... Last month, I tried again... She gave 0 f*cks... She didn't care and she played the victim card again. Now she says she's got a disease and told me indirectly that this would be like this for like she said "I don't know how long I'll be like this", so forget about that. I've tried therapy for myself but every time I bring up the issue, the therapists are trained to be on woman's side, no matter what (tried different therapists in the past years)... So I quit therapy (but I'm choosing another therapist now). So I had to take more pills to put up with (actually 5 years on this)... I MADE A DECISION LAST MONTH: I'M DONE. Enough of sexless life, enough of lack of validation. I'm getting in shape and practicing looksmaxxing (doing this for me because I did it for her years ago and she didn't give a damn)... the results are coming very fast and I think in about 3-4 months, women will start looking at me a lot. When I'm in shape (when in shape nothing changes), girls tend to look at me, mess with me usually. So, I'm fixing my stuff: finances, my look/appearance, health and career. As soon as possible, I'll have to leave her as she never cares to change our situation. The only parts that usually make me feel bad: the kids and the divorce situation.Things here in South America are difficult for men who want to get divorced so my best bet is she file for divorce... Maybe she won't... I've tried last month to talk about divorce: she don't want to get divorced, she said she'd rather die. I WAS struggling to change our situation while she was trying to convince me it was okay to be like this. Sexless?? Oh, no way, I can't: it made me fat (I had to look for other sources of "pleasure") and lot of bad things to myself I never did before that situation. So... women tend to tell me "oh, it's something YOU must change". Been there. Done that. Believe me, when you're living like this, you can become anything, she won't care and jealousy might even make things worse. Any comments?

[Rose76]

I'm sorry you're in such an unhappy existence with no easy way out. Age 38 is too young to accept a sexless marriage. It doesn't look to me like she's ever going to change. That leaves divorce as the probable next step. I respect that you don't like to give up and there are two children to consider. But it sounds like you've tried everything else. Your wife has some sort of a problem, but she doesn't want to address it in a constructive way, which is totally unfair to you.

[forestx5]

Sex is overrated. I refuse to be enslaved by prurient urges, Once one has done his duty to propogate the species, it is
time to turn one's attention to fishing and poker.

[eskielover]

You had 2 kids with her..what changed after that? I know what did in my marriage but it is something to think about......went much deeper than looks it hit more into attitude that had me irritated & I never could get over that. I lost myself into my career at that point.

[davOD]

Originally Posted by eskielover

You had 2 kids with her..what changed after that? I know what did in my marriage but it is something to think about......went much deeper than looks it hit more into attitude that had me irritated & I never could get over that. I lost myself into my career at that point.

Its a valid question for sure. I went through the same thing. The excuse I got was Im a mom now, thats my only job.
Even the shrink was a bit taken back by that.
I had a horrible accident, she walked away from our vows, so I walked away from her. Now nothing has changed(sex) its easier to deal with without someone than it is with the one you used to love!

[Tart Cherry Jam]

When you wrote towards the end of your post that jealousy might make it even worse, what exactly did you mean? Would you mind telling us more? Plus, I personally have trouble picturing that state of "even worse," since it is already very, very bad.

I agree with Rose that you are awfully young to have to settle for this kind of dull existence, to suffer from so much unfairness.