[59noKoibito]

I am 13 this year, and recently I've been feeling that life's rather meaningless :\
Maybe there's something to do with this:
My parents are quarelling 50% of the time. When they're not, they're cooling down from the previous quarrel.
My mother suspects that my father is cheating on her, so she question's my father's every action- even buying new clothes or a new book.
And sometimes when they quarrel it seems like it's MY fault.
For example, I wanted to go out for a class outing the other day, but my mother vehemently objected against it. My father, on the other hand, approved of it...but in the end they ended up quarreling. And then after the quarrel, my mom shot me a look and said 'It's all YOUR fault that I'm quarreling with you father. Are you happy now? It's always your fault!'

I recently read an article on Psych Central, "Tips for Helping Children Handle Divorce"
I'll list out some points here that pretty much sums up what my mom asks me to do:

Do not ask the children to take sides against the other parent.
<font color="orange"> My mother would accuse me of siding my father whenever I tell her not </font>

Do not say bad things about the other parent.
<font color="orange"> Untrue of my mother. </font>

Do not use the children as messengers or question them about the other parent.
<font color="orange">She used to ask me to do that when I was still in Primary School. She still does, now. </font>

Don't get me wrong. I love my mom, but she has even admitted to me before that her capacity for jealousy is VERY high, and it doesn't help that my dad's business partner is a female. My dad once went overseas with this female and another good friend of his, and the 3 days that he was gone, my mom almost- just almost went insane with anger and worry.

Now my father is going to take a psychology course that spans 3 days, and he will have to stay overnight.

I have a feeling that before I am 18, I will be the child of a single parent.

I'm not trying to hold a pity party here...I just want tips on how to cope.

Help is appreciated, so thank you in advance.

[sunrise]

59no, I am sorry things are so hard for you now at home. So many parents do put the kids in the middle when they are having trouble getting along with each other.

Would you be able to tell your mother any of this? Could you tell her just one thing? Like maybe, "Mom, when you say bad things about Dad, I feel upset (sad, angry, hurt...). I love you both very much and it hurts to hear you say those things. I don't want to have to choose who I love more."

Here is a book that was useful to both me and my daughter (about your age) when her father and I were splitting up:
Mom's House, Dad's House for Kids: Feeling at Home in One Home or Two

Even though your parents aren't divorced, you may find some good advice in that book. There is also an adult version of the book, if your parents ever reach that stage.

Good luck. I hope you come back and visit and let us know how you're doing.

<font color="purple">My parents have been divorced since I was about 5/6, I think it's alot better that way because they found their future partners who they really, truely, love. I can't say that I feel your pain though, because my parents were always 'civil' to one another for my brother and I's sake.

It's a pretty sticky situation too... sorry I'm not good at this kind of advice

But, I hope things work out for you soon. </font>

[Doh2007]

I agree that it's wrong for your parents to put you in the middle. It is their problem, not yours. Even though you feel like it's your fault sometimes, it isn't. What might help is having a support system outside of your family. You can talk here all you want. Also, you might look for a club you can join. Just some place you can make friends.

If you are comfortable with it, you might be able to talk to your school counselor.