He's still such a jerk

I know exactly why I am separated, I everytime I have any interface with him over the phone, it only reinforces my reasons why.

I am handling all the bills & have all the mail forwarded to my house in Kentucky.....he lives in our house in California....I own my farm here in Kentucky.

The other day, I was making sure that he would take in a bill that I didn't get in the mail so it would get paid on time. He had asked me to transfer over money for my horse expenses that he had paid...not a problem....I am trying to pay for all my expenses.....I expect him to pay for his. We are both on disability & he gets more than I do.....even though he has the house payment to make.

His water bill came in higher than normal (summer in California...normal). He chose to go to his brothers house for labour day & ended up filling the gas tank.....so that was an extra tank of gas....then I made him pay for a swim suit he needed for July 4 at his brothers also.

He ends up whining because he can't go to the UCLA extension open house as he doesn't have money for gas to get there. Gee, do you think there is such a thing as priorities.....if you have to go to the open house (he thinks that going back to UCLA's extension will end up getting him a job....that remains to be seen as he can't even handle simple things in his life let alone getting through courses at a university). I told him that he should have thought about that before going to his brothers for labour day & set up his priorities so that he could do the things that he feels he HAS to do. He hates to not have money, he has never had to live on the money he has.

He tells me that he's taking care of my dogs.....he only has 5 out of the 11 dogs & I can't take care of all of them anyway......it's like children, he was involved in keeping them from our litters & bringing the others into the family with wanting to show......so now he thinks that because he doesn't want any responsibility besides himself, that I should take them.....well, that's just not happening as I want to give them a quality life & it's hard even giving 6 a good quality life with all the love & attention they need. I just lost one of my doggies (I had 7 to start with) when he strangled himself around a pole when I got distracted with my yard work & had a choke chain on him with his long leash.......I know how much love & attention they need & am making sure I am there for them now. I told him that if he wanted no responsibility then he would have to find homes for them & that's his responsibility.

Everytime I have any interface with him, it just reinforces what a complete jerk he really is & how I tolerated him for 32 years (we now have been married for 33 years) I have no idea.

I want to go back to California for my God son's wedding in November, but will never go back to the house where he lives to stay. I need to go back & pack up more of my things & get really moved here, but am not really at a place to do that either. I can't imagine ever being around that jerk ever again in my life. At least I know that we can hire a lawyer to file the paperwork & get the separation legal after we finish the bankruptcy.

He wants to take out a student loan to pay for the UCLA extension.....with the problems he has relating to people, my gut feel is that he's just throwing money away. I told him he could take out the loan after we are separated legally as any loan he takes out now I am part of as long as I am still married to him & the separation isn't legal....I refuse to take on any of that responsibility or be a part of it.

Again, I am such a bad person........
Oh well, I would rather be a bad person than get stuck with his debt. He already screwed up our taxes in 2005 with my estate money. I owe a huge amount of money on that which is taking away what I have to finish off my farm.....but he also made a huge mistake that is his responsibility & I am holding him responsible for paying for that. I have spent hours working with the IRS to figure out what I need to do to reduce the amount owed.....initially it was over $20,000.....but they didn't get rid of the penalty or interest on the money that still was owed.....I proved that I didn't owe some of the money & they got rid of that & the penalty & interest on that, but they were supposed to take the letters from the Dr 's & get rid of it all.....so I found out that I have to send in a form & the letters weren't enough.......go figure....there is always something.

He went a whole year without even telling me about this problem or even talking to the IRS, then I found it out with a certified letter that was finally forwarded to KY & I got it. Now this is really a responsible person who will make it though an extension program at a university????? I am still cleaning up his messes & things he hasn't handled right......

OH the ranting.....I am feeling so down lately, this was the first day out of my house for almost 2 weeks.....I am finally getting back to feeling functional after getting hit by the IRS......so I really don't have any sympothy for him....NON WHAT SO EVER.

I realize I have absloutely no love for him & probably never did as I don't have a twinge of feelings for him at all when I think about him....only glad that I don't have to be around him anymore.

Sorry for the long rant...there is just so much he give me to rant about....lol

Debbie

Good for you for realizing that YOUR priorities are right and HIS are not. HE does need take responsibility for the dogs and other things. Also very smart on not signing for student loan while you're still legally married. Hang in there!

eskieL, you're making lots of progress, getting closer and closer. You will have so much more freedom when you only have yourself to worry about and not his finances. I hope he is taking good care of those dogs and can find them homes. If he is so broke and can't afford gas, it seems like he might skimp on dog food, etc., and other dog essentials.

You're doing a great job of protecting yourself by refusing to co-sign on the loan. You're doing all the right things.

Hang in there with this, sounds like you are well along the path to it being over. Do you have kids? Sounds like if you do, they may be grown-up, which makes things easier. Hope you are able to attend your Godson's wedding and don't have any problems while there with your (ex-)spouse.

OH you are absolutely correct about that student loan! Don't you dare! Student loans are one of the worst contracts in this country, imo. You can "never" get free from them. What would be the difference in price if you travel back, pack up and move yourself, vs having a company pack you up and either put it in a storage unit or send it to you???? Have you any church connections or such that will do that for you??? ASK!


Um... yeah... exes are like that, yeah they are! lol

I have had moving priced.....never able to afford that. I do have 2 pieces of furniture that I will have to pay to have moved in the end.....a triple wide curio cabinet & my paino....all the other stuff including my sofa's & other furniture....will all have to move myself....will see if I can get it packed into my horse trailer. It won't be the smoothest ride for the furniture, but it'll work.

Will probably hire the neighbor & his relatives to load up the trailer. They are the only people I know that don't have back problems....lol. Didn't really know many people in California.....here, everyone is willing to help. So I know I won't have any problems on this end. I just want to make sure the house is ready for the furniture before I bring it. I still haven't painted the mess that the painter made last year. I just got the water working outside, so now I can wash off the paint brushes....but just as I got that fixed, other things have come up that have taken me away from functioning as fully as I need to in order to get everything done that I need to.

Today, I actually cleaned up a pile of weeds that I have been making over the supper as I pulled them. Cleaning up my driveway to make it look better. I just don't seem to have all the energy that I need to get everything completed & I don't have money to hire it done......so doing it myself is my only option.....sometimes just have to force ones self to DO IT!!!!!

Debbie

Sounds like you've got your head on straight eskie, good for you! I don't know how smart ex is, or if he wants to go out of his way to create trouble for you, but I'd get my property out of his place asap. If he takes it in his mind to claim that you've abandoned them, you're screwed.

When my cousin finally divorced the abusive jerk she married, a representative from the court was to accompany her to get her stuff granted in the divorce degree that he was holding hostage.

My mother, aunt, and several uncles brought three trucks up there with trailers to make sure that she got everything in one trip. It was scheduled for a Saturday morning. Court rep somehow had the wrong date and time. Ex would not let her or family on property to get her stuff. Frantic attempts to call rep (out of town) and police. Local police could not help because Marshal X was supposed to accompany her.

Next day he had a big old bonfire, burning all of her property. Called her and told her he was doing it. The police did come but couldn't do a thing about it, Marshal X had property list and they were unable to contact him.

When Court rep was finally heard from again, he simply told ex "you shouldn't have done that" told cousin "you'll have to go back to court and sue him for value of the property."

Kicker is, that her lawyer had just won the DA election, so she'd have to hire a new lawyer to do so. Easy right, single mother with two small kids and an ex that works for cash therefore has no income to pay his child support.

I really feel for you on the IRS thing, we went through that a couple of years ago. It was all worked out in the end, but it took 10 months. 10 months of hell; of dreading the mail delivery because there was another form to fill out. They lost our 2004 tax return, seems there was a glitch that year with the electronic filing. Presented us with a bill for over 10K. In the end, they owed us money, not a lot, but when I got that check in the mail I called them right away to make sure I could cash it.

In our previous contact they said we owed 6K and here I've got a check for $125 (ironically the same amount that our records indicated we were supposed to get back to begin with). Agent thought I was nuts, but I wanted to make sure that everything was straightened out. To this day I have no idea how the million forms we filled out went from us owing them to a check in my hand. I asked the Agent, all he could tell me was according to their records, we had an overpayment "What records, how did this happen?" So I guess I'll panic every year at tax time until 2011.