[little*rhino]

everything is just so hard

so hard

he tries to make me suffer and he succeeds, just not how he thinks

he thinks i can't or won't have another relationship

he thought i'd feel sad that he had a gf.. no, i feel sad that he won't stf-up about it to me. i don't care already... enough.. only he and maybe amoeba don't understand why it's not appropriate to call to talk to me about her and her problems

he doesn't respect me or my boundaries

i don't know that he even really truly understands that i am a seperate person

always trying to rattle me.... threats if i move in a way he objects to

i feel better when i dont hear from him (big clue) and worse when i do but i dont have full control over whether i deal with him or not - yet. i'm working on it

it's affected everything... i am unable to deal with people or stuff i need to do..

i'm struggling with issues in friendships too.. struggling with everything it seems. This has sucked so much of my life out of me

i've been seeking legal advice... but it's slow getting in to see the legal aid people... slow slow slow. They don't have to put up with this in the meantime.

i dont think he can really contest a petition at this point... idk for sure tho

i need an emotional rest

[cantstopcrying]

This is for your rest that you so desperately need. When he calls you, can you calmly say, "I do not want to listen to this so I'm hanging up now," and do it? I'm so sorry, but I laughed until I cried when I read what you wrote about "...only he and maybe amoeba don't ..." because that is exactly what I used to call my ex was an amoeba!!! (because he has the brains of one!) Just seeing someone else use that just made me laugh and cry. I wish there was an easy way through this, some magic words or something. I don't have any, unfortunately, except to know that you are the important one, you are the one who is going to come through this for the better. If you really have to deal with him telling you about her and her problems, take a page from football-watching guys: tune him out and say "uh-huh....really?....Oh....hmmmm" at random times. Basically, don't feel like you have to attune your mind to it. You may be there, on the phone, but you don't have to process what he is saying to you. Take care of you!!

[sunrise]

I'm sorry things are so hard right now, Candika.

Could you tell him you are not interested in discussing his personal life with him? I'm guessing if you felt able to do that, you would have.... How about if you don't answer the phone when he calls. I got caller ID on my home phone a few months ago and love it! I only answer the phone from people I want to talk to. It's a great screening method.

[srengel81]

I'm really sorry you are going thru this too. Just remember that to him its about control. He hurt you and you would think he would feel bad enough to stop hurting you but i think he's testing your limits of how much you can take before you break and let him have the easy way out (you end it- so obviously you gave up on him). Best advice given to me was stop answering the phone. Change your number and give it to an impartial person if he needs to run messages. i know exactly how sad it is that he has a gf already (mine finally admitted a girl kissed him 2 weeks ago- that is 2 weeks after he dumped me and that he wont work on us b/c he likes her now. We've only been talking about divorce for a month and i made every mistake of begging and pleading him to come home. It only annoys them. He's moving on quickly because she's everything im not and they are starting to date- puh-lease! Good luck with that. The people that do this to their spouses really do all play by the same rulebook. Take no responsibility and cut and run to an easier but lesser version of their spouse). I don't think anyone can tell you what to do or what to say- it'll take time and you'll get to the point where it does become all about taking care of you. He tells you about her to keep hurting you so he can have the heroes welcome if he comes home (oh you really do love me! I'll do anything to keep you. Thank you for choosing me over her). He doesn't deserve anything but to be forgotten until he's ready to make the change in himself necessary to be a husband. Until then, get rest...no sad songs...watch comedies (stupid ones)....go to the gym...go get a cocktail with girlfriends, anything to can to be the best version of you so that when he comes crawling back you are not in a panic state of mind. You will really be able to see if you want him back or not. Good luck- you are loved by many people