[mixedup_emotions]

I am so incredibly sad, wondering if I'm making a big mistake...I know things have been bad with my husband, but beyond all the bad things, there are some good.

I guess I'm just grieving the loss of what "could have been" and wondering if it could still be.....

My heart is broken into a million pieces...

[Junerain]

(((((((mixed up emotions))))

Does the good outweigh the bad? Ask yourself to write it all out?

[mixedup_emotions]

I wish the good outweighed the bad....I just keep wishing things were different. I miss him. But I don't know what it is that I miss. I miss what things should be like, I guess. My heart is just playing tricks on me....

[mixedup_emotions]

Here's my preliminary pro/con list....

The Good

Keeps a clean house and handles the majority of the household chores.
Tells me he loves me and that I'm beautiful (even though I'm overweight).
Gives great back scratches.
Helps with our daughter.
Contributes financially to the house.
Has a wonderful son that I love dearly.

The Bad

Is verbally abusive to me and our daughter.
Is emotionally abusive and controlling over what goes on in our home.
Does not allow me to have family/friends over.
Tries to restrict our daughter from 'being a kid'.
Insults my family, friends, self.
Makes disgusting sexual comments, especially when drinking
Is self-centered, does not participate in family activities unless there's 'something in it for him'.
Lashes out and argues, in front of our daughter.
Has OCD and high anxiety due to lack of control, possibly bipolar.
Seems miserable and angry often.
Speaks v-e-r-y, v-e-r-y, s-l-o-w-l-y - and we are not on the same page intellectually, so stimulating conversation is lacking.

[roxyanne1]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I am so incredibly sad, wondering if I'm making a big mistake...I know things have been bad with my husband, but beyond all the bad things, there are some good.

I guess I'm just grieving the loss of what "could have been" and wondering if it could still be.....

My heart is broken into a million pieces...

Dont feel alone..ive been through what youre going through...we are all youre
friends here. You might not feel like going out yet but if you like id luv to
talk anytime.Iwas so lonely when my husband left.......9 yrs ago and i still
live alone but get so much help throug bpd and other sites.

If you'd like to be a friend my email is plyell1@bigpond.com...i need friends
& would welcome you
Roxy

[sunrise]

mixedup_emotions, nothing about his leaving has to be final if you don't want it to. If in the future you want to reconsider living together again and he has learned to change his behavior, then you can be together again. It's not final. You've taken steps for your safety and health right now. In the future you may make different decisions as your circumstances change.

Sometimes it is easier to believe our failed relationship was all bad, so we can bring that vision into sync with our actions of ending the marriage. It promotes less dissonance within ourselves, which means less turmoil. Recently I was looking at an old photo album and there were pics of me and my H at the beach with our kids when they were young. It was a very happy looking family. H and I looked happy! This is so at odds with my view of our relationship and my memories. But the photos don't lie. It was a real jolt to see them and I put them away immediately. I think already you see that your marriage has some positive points.

With time, things will become clearer.

Remember, you don't have to make any final decisions today. You can meet with the lawyer Monday and learn about your options, but you don't have to take any action right now.

My heart is broken into a million pieces...

My therapist has told me several times, "when you get divorced, your heart breaks.... wide open". That's a message of hope.

Hang in there.

[nightbird]

maybe after some seperation time, you can see a couples counsellor regarding your marriage, before you dissolve it, and see if it can be saved....

Meanwhile, leaving a bad situation is a positive step, and if he recognizes his responsibility in the problems, maybe you can have a better relationship apart for now.

Nobody knows the future.
(((((((hugs to you))))))))))

It will be alright, and so will you and the girls...
just give it some time and be as brave as you have been.

I think you are doing amazing steps that will be honored in youur life... and seen for the acts of love they are.

Best to you ~

Love and support,
Night
xoxo

Originally Posted by sunrise

mixedup_emotions, nothing about his leaving has to be final if you don't want it to. If in the future you want to reconsider living together again and he has learned to change his behavior, then you can be together again. It's not final. You've taken steps for your safety and health right now. In the future you may make different decisions as your circumstances change.

Sometimes it is easier to believe our failed relationship was all bad, so we can bring that vision into sync with our actions of ending the marriage. It promotes less dissonance within ourselves, which means less turmoil. Recently I was looking at an old photo album and there were pics of me and my H at the beach with our kids when they were young. It was a very happy looking family. H and I looked happy! This is so at odds with my view of our relationship and my memories. But the photos don't lie. It was a real jolt to see them and I put them away immediately. I think already you see that your marriage has some positive points.

With time, things will become clearer.

Remember, you don't have to make any final decisions today. You can meet with the lawyer Monday and learn about your options, but you don't have to take any action right now.

My therapist has told me several times, "when you get divorced, your heart breaks.... wide open". That's a message of hope.

Hang in there.