Food police

Do any of you have them in your family? By food police I mean some one or a group of people telling you what and how much you should or shouldn't be eating?

I have them in my family and I am so sick and tired of it. All the time when I was growing up my family said that I was eating too much and that I should go on a diet. So one time I was here visiting the family and was on a diet and didn't eat the amount that I usually ate and got critized for it. I was told I wasn't eating enough. Now that I've had Gastric Bypass Surgery I physically can not eat a whole lot or I get sick. I also get dehyrated very easily so I am always drinking something and today at lunch I came back to the table with my iced tea and a bunch of splenda packets because I like my tea sweet but I am not supposed to use sugar and my Aunt came and sat down and said oh like a little tea with your splenda? I kind of laughed it off and said no its so I don't have to get packets every time I get a drink. Well she said I don't think it is healthy for you to be drinking as much as you do. UMMM at least I am staying hydrated and almost all my meds give me cotton mouth so I have to drink as much as I do and anyway what's it to her? Then we were eating our lunch and I got full as usual before I cleaned my plate there was probably 1/4 of my salad left on the plate. Not enough to bring home for later. Well my Aunt ate half her potato and quit eating and my Grandma commented on the fact that she only ate part of her potato and she said she was going to do what I do and only eat half of her meal since that is why I am losing weight. My Aunt doesn't need to lose weight maybe 20lbs but not the 250lbs I do. Luckily I am in the home stretch of my weight loss.

So if you have the food police in your life how do you deal with them?

Jan

I don’t know what makes people think that it is acceptable to say things like this! If you’re over-eating, you KNOW you’re over-eating and someone nagging only make you eat more.

My daughter has lost 40 lbs in the last 2 years. She looked nice bigger, she looks nice now. She’s not stick thin, there’s a still little meat on her bones. She was always a bigger girl growing up, not obese by any means but a bit plump. Family members that haven’t seen her in the last couple of years are shocked and will not stop making comments. I just want to smack them in the mouth!

We went to visit my mother earlier this week and my Aunt came up and saw my daughter. When she saw my daughter she said “Oh my god, did you quit eating entirely?” Or another Aunt that said “you lost so much weight, you’re so pretty now (hand to God, that’s what she said).” She’s always been beautiful! How can anyone think that these comments are helpful in any way!

When I was growing up I always got you'd be so pretty if you would lose weight. Like that would help either I was pretty or I wasn't. I was watching The View last week and they had a guest on I can't remember her name but she is on that show on Lifetime Drop Dead Diva..she plays the assistant to the main character. Anyway she said she made her mind to tell the world she is beautiful. She suffered from an eating disorder after her series on ABC was cancelled and she was told part of it was she was too fat. Her series was replaced with Drew Carey's show. Anyway I am trying to tell myself that that I am declaring myself beautiful. Some days it works but some days it doesn't. I felt it today after getting my hair cut and styled. I am getting my pictures professionally done next week because I got a coupon for Picture People and decided that since I have lost over 200lbs I deserve to get my picture taken.

I'm still at a loss of how to deal with the food police though. It is to the point that I just dread family gatherings because there are so many comments made about what is or isnt on my plate.

Jan

I wish that I had some form of a pithy comeback that would 1) put people in their place when they made those types of comments and 2) make them think about the words that come out of their mouth and how they affect others. I guess the only thing you can do is let it roll off your back. Perhaps you can say something along the lines of “thanks for your concern, my nutritionist and I have put a lot of work into my diet and it’s working for me.”

Gosh darn it they did it to me again today at lunch. We went to Mimi's cafe for lunch today. I go out to lunch with my parents and Grandma on Sundays and there were some of my Grandma's friends there also today. Not a problem they don't bother me.

Grandma brought up the fact I was just having a salad and one of their monster muffins. They brought out my muffin first and I ate half of it and gave the rest of it to my mom because I know she likes their muffins also. Then my salad came and Grandma looked over my salad and said oh there isn't any meat on it. I replied there is chicken on it and she said oh I just didn't see it must not be much there. UMMMM it was loaded with chicken. She doesn't think salad as a main dish. Then she brought up the fact I had a refill on my tea. I was like leave me alone and talk to your friends I didn't say it but thought it. I ended up bringing about half my salad home because I got full. She of course commented on that and told me that's not going to keep in the fridge. I told her I would be eating it for supper and it wouldn't be in the fridge for long.

I realize the lady is almost 85 but does she have to be in every part of my life?

Jan

My point of view 'she has nothing else to do' and your right there to take the miserable way she feels.
What shes putting on you is actually the misery she feels about her self.

Yeah, quite a lot of the time with most of my family.

Just means they worry and concern for you.

Though, my sister has actually used my ED AGAINST me and really hurt me/upset me with things she says, and also tends to be all jokey about it, and not serious with it, or takes the pee, she's 19, I'm younger than her, she's seriously ... just... I really don't like her, I'm so angry at her, her personality is so awful and she really doesn't seem to give a dam, she's hurt me a lot, as has my alcoholic mother, the alcohol has made her capacity to be a mother to me decreased, greatly, and she neglects me a lot. She doesn't understand my ED, I have tried to use the something-fishy.org website, and talk to her about it, and yet she doesn't even seem to want to understand or try to support me better with this. What's the point, eh?

Most of the family are very ignorant towards many of my disorders/illnesses, and can be hurtful/upsetting/sometimes even triggering.

I'd say the only one who isn't, is my daddy. He's my adopted daddy; but who cares if he is adopted, he's my daddy, he loves me, cares for me, takes care of me, supports me, tries his hardest to understand and help me, is not judgmental, is patient, is dozens other things... just, amazing to me. I'm lucky to have someone like him in my life.

They say blood is thicker than water. I say love is thicker than blood.

Yikes, sorry to blabber on, lol. Anywho, yes, I do know what that feels like, amongst other things.

Food police

My grandmother is like that. She feels compelled to comment on my every bite. It drives me nuts. And no matter what I say or how I say it, she won't stop.
On top of all that she constantly makes all kind of remarks on my weight. I've always been overweight and while I was growing up she would often say: "You're so fat you seem pregnant" but then wouldn't let me leave anything on my plate even if I was full.
I still am overweight, although I lost a few kg's over the last years. Since I started losing weight she keeps saying I'm too thin and I shouldn't starve myself (for the record, I'm a binge eater, so starving is like the last thing I do).

I wish I had some advice on how to deal with this kind of people and their comments. I usually ignore them and do my best not to show how much I suffer because of them. Just wanted to tell you that I totally get it and you're not alone.

Take care

Thanks for all your responses. I have talked to my mom about it some and she tells me to just ignore it but it is so hard when I have to deal with it at every family thing. She knows that is why I try to boogey on out of there as soon as possible. I didn't decide to have my gastric bypass for their pleasure I did it to save my life. I just get so mad when they always have something to say about my eating habits. I guess what they say about everyone has a role to play in the family and now that my roll of the fat person is changing they don't know how to react so they are trying to force me back into that role. Well I got news for them that is the old me and I'm not going to stretch my stomach back out just to please them and keep the family dynamics the way they always have been. My family tells me all the time that they are so proud of me for losing the weight like I am but then in the next breath they try to shove the food down my throat. I just don't get it.

Jan

I HATE food police!!!

They make me angry, upset and really, really conscious of what I am or am not eating! My Mother is awlays saying how fat I am or if I lose weight, even though I've lost about a stone and a half, she still says "Corr blimey Kirst, you've put on weight!" Ugh. Just because she has a huge thing against larger people doesn't mean she has to be against me for being "average". One of the reasons for my ED (anorexia) is her comments and such, but mainly because of my past. My Adoptive parents always said I was a small eater and I was a very skinny child, but still got called chubs...??? Sigh. They always commented on what I ate or didn't eat and when I first started starving, at 8st!!! They checked the fridge and cupboards and counted every bit of food, to make sure I didn't eat. Weirdos. They hated me

So yeah, the food police are nasty buggers and I hate them and I know how you feel, jbug.

Food police... my parents. They call me fat.
How do I deal with it?

I don't.

I would tell her what I eat is my business, not hers! Sorry, I don't believe you have to put up with elderly family members being rude unless they have no control over what they are saying. (Alzheimer's, etc).

You could say "I have lost over 200 pounds eating this way. Isn't it great that I have been able to change my lifestyle and get healthier?". That usually gets the complainers to shut up pretty good, but they can't complain about what you said because you were nice!