[mommarex]

sometimes i have this reoccurring thought or visualization when I'm really sad or something bad has happened. basically i am a little girl putting clothes and makeup on an in my mind (old and tattered mannequin).

when someone really hurts me (memories from the past or my "relationship" now). it's like chunks of this mannequin get blown off, crap is thrown on this mannequin, and the little girl is just crying in a corner wondering how she is going to get the mannequin to look good again, to be acceptable looking and not a grotesque freak. see the little girl works and works on this mannequin and shoves the thing out into the world everyday to go to school, to interact with people.

i know this all sounds nuts, and i'm not nuts....but when i am really devastated and very sad, i visualize this in my mind.

with my body and weight i am that mannequinn and if anyone knew how truly ugly i am due to the things that have happened to me from my decisions and others...... i would never be accepted.

i feel like if only my mannequinn could look right then the little girl would be ok.

now these are some of my deepest and darkest thoughts and i've never told anyone in my life...just you guys, please don't think i'm a freak.

if only i could fix that mannequinn!!!!

[Christina86]

You're not a freak. I wish I had advice to give, but welcome to PsychCentral.

[*freak*]

Hello and welcome
First of all, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and emotions with us. It takes a lot of courage and strenght to do this... know that it's much appreciated.

Second, you are not ugly. What happens to us does not make us ugly or bad. Please, don't think that of yourself. You're a beautiful person who deserves happiness and good things just like everybody else.

And I don't think what you described sounds nuts. It's just a coping method. When we suffer our mind needs to elaborate a way to survive without letting the pain crush us. Everyone has their own coping mechanisms and there's nothing wrong with that. You're not crazy and no one here will think you are.

Keep posting if it helps, ok?

Take care

[mommarex]

thanks everyone for listening!