I'm not diagnosed bulimic because I don't vomit or OD on laxatives, but I have been diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder. Diagnosed, but not treated--don't know what to do about it. Mentioned it to my doctor, but have no direction to go in from here.

Something sets me off, and I'll begin starving myself. It might be a simple well intentioned remark that comes out sounding like "stop eating" (which I've actually been told to do, though I'm sure he didn't mean it literally) or it might be an obscenity yelled at me from a passing car. Basically I get so disgusted with myself that I don't eat. I might tell myself, for example, that with all the starvation going on in the world, what right have I to be so fat? I battle depression as well, and as cruel as other people have been to me, the most hateful remark ever aimed at me came from inside my own head. "Go ahead and die. It might solve the world hunger problem, 'cuz then there'd be enough left for everybody else."

Of course, we can't go on starving ourselves, and after a while I build up so much honest-to-goodness hunger that I'll eat anything edible. I'm rather reclusive by nature, and during binges is when most people actually see me. I crawl out from my hidey-hole and *eat.* People don't realize that the double-cheeseburger I'm wolfing down is the first I've had since a week ago last Thursday. They just see a fat woman gobbling up food like there's no tomorrow, and think "no wonder she's so fat." Then I feel ashamed of myself for the binge, and go back to starving...

It's been this way since I was 8 years old and heard my first negative comment about my weight. (Funny thing is, I was not overweight at that time, just taller and more developed than average, and therefore heavier.)

And it has not stopped since I became diabetic, even though I realize I "have to eat." My husband will tell me I have to eat. My doctor will tell me I have to eat. But I won't eat. My blood sugar still runs high, I still need to take insulin, and besides, isn't being fat supposedly a cause of diabetes in the first place?

I know the truth. I was assured at the diabetic center that if you don't have the genetic predisposition for diabetes, you cannot make yourself diabetic no matter what you eat. I also know that when I'm starving, my body grabs onto every calorie it can get, and piles it up extra for the next famine. But when those rude remarks come along, everything I know flies out the window.

So that's me, and where I come from. Does anyone have any words of wisdom?

[Isabella12]

The cycle you're trapped in is very common. Your body has a basic survival response built in that will kick in if you starve yourself for a long enough time. Given a lengthy period of starvation, the body will begin to panic and seek out the most fatty foods it can recognize in order to build up fat-stores to ward off starvation. That's why after a few days of not eating sometimes anorexics break and binge on strange things like mayonaise or butter. Not to mention the more common things like fried foods and sweets. In order to prevent this from happening you need to make sure that you have a steady intake of healthy foods so that your body doesn't feel like it's starving and resort to this "fat-seeking" behavior. I would recommend finding healthy alternatives to the foods you like and eating them regularly. It might help to eat 4-6 smaller meals per day with 200-300 calories each. Maybe you can make small substitutions like using artificial sweeteners or fat-free condiments instead. Sometimes it helps to try to break down the craving that you're having and try to recognize what you're really hungry for. For example, if you feel like you're craving doughnuts, maybe what you're craving is something doughy and sweet. Maybe a roll with some sugar-free jelly on it might work just as well to satisfy you. You might also try to simply not surround yourself with unhealthy foods. Willpower falters, we all know that, so if you make it hard for yourself to binge if and when it does, you will be less able to. Take all of the "bad" foods out of your house and replace them with healthier things. If you feel the need to binge, you will end up binging on healthy things instead. I would also try taking Alli, the FDA-approved weight-loss aid that you can buy over the counter. It helps burn 50% more fat than diet and exercise alone. Sometimes I find that resolving to do just one healthy thing a week can help, such as having a salad for dinner one night, or not drinking any wine on a particular night of the week. Small steps lead to bigger steps as you gain confidence in being able to grasp some control. I hope this helps somewhat!