im having a 'fat day' *trigger warning*

ugggggggggggggggg

today i've been having a hard time with food again. (more than normal i mean, obviously with an ED i always have a friggin issue with friggin food)

coffee....measure the creamer.... add the creamer.... "god, im syuch a fat cow, creamer is so sugary and fattening, you're sick, aimee, you're trying to lose weight and you choose this?? pathetic!" .....stir coffee..... drink coffee.

bagel.... toast bagel..... get out light cream cheese.... spread cream cheese.... stare at bagel for a good 3 minutes or so. ........"don't eat that..... NO! dooo eat it, you're fine, a bagel is fine, it's just a bagel...... you're making excuses aimee.... this bagel = lardass, you're so ****ing disgusting, WEAK and you have NO CONTROL.... what has become of you? .....i'm a MOTHER now.... i NEED to eat to care for my son properly.... i NEED to eat to stay alive for my son.... EAT THE GOD DAMN BAGEL" .......eats the bagel.

i had another cup of coffee, black. that was my food today and i feel ashamed. i know i shouldn't. i know i probably should have has more, and certainly some fruits, veggies, and maybe even meat?? but a cup of coffee and a bagel makes me.... HATE MYSELF

other than that today..... i had a good day... so im going to go and try and think about that. i DID get more money as a freelance artist and i DID get a job interview FINALLY at a place i actually LIKE. I'm excited.

Congrats on the freelance work AND a job interview!!
sounds cool! what type of artwork do you do?

Matt C

im best at portraits and realistic drawings, cartooning, paintings, etc. visual art. i just wish i had more time to do it!

are you going to put an album of your work on your profile page? Be fantastic to see some examples!

does your art help with coping with ED & everything?

Matt C

yes but unfortunately i dont have time to use art as therapy, i barely have time for the contract artwork i have to get done

I understand entirely. Sometimes if I eat something that I know is very small compared to what others eat but is still large for me it freaks me out. I have certain things that bother me....if I eat anything sweet, even just a bite. If I eat anything with more than a 3% fat content, or something with more than 300 calories. Just keep telling yourself that it's not too much food, it's normal to eat and to eat more than you are right now.

UGHHHHH another fat day!! I feel all bloated and HUGE, i just started my period. every piece of clothing feels like it doesnt fit right and im freaking out today. i gotta go out today and buy friggin clothes for work..... not looking forward to the trying-things-on part! im gonna feel fat all day