[Broken Wings]

....more of a ramble to get things off of my chest. But apparently I have an eating disorder NOT OTHERWISE SPECIFIED. I mean who came up with this crap? It's because I restrict calories, exercise, and purge. I'm not losing weight but my psychiatrist said that I haven't been gaining any weight for years. I want to be thin. I'm so huge!!! My therapist says I need to eat more. But please, she's skinny and so little. I bet she doesn't eat as much as she wants me to. My therapist also says that I should gain at least five pounds. She also says that I'm on the lower end of the "healthy weight" on the BMI. And I tried to eat normal for the past few weeks. And it's been working. I just don't like how I look. Plus, at work today somebody called me a pig because of what I was eating. I think I'm going to eat even less and start going back to the gym. I haven't cut myself in almost a month, which is good, but I am having really bad urges. I found that controlling my weight helps with my urges.

Thanks for listening...well technically reading lol

[amante]

i am so sorry to read that you are struggling so much with this. I'm sure you are not huge but think you are. I will pray that you can get through this.

[jennaorgana]

you know, don't even think about diagnoses. i mean it. they don't mean anything and all they do is cause chaos. i mean, it seems as though your diagnosis was a trigger. and honestly as long as you aren't LOSING weight i don't see what the problem is, as long as you are steady. and, like amante, i am sure you aren't anywhere as "large" as you assume you are. as long as you can remind yourself that you aren't seeing what you really are, then maybe that'll ease some discomfort.

i am proud of you for not self injuring for a month! that is HUGE!