[TheGammaGeek]

Lately, I've been eating less and less. Everytime I eat I feel horribly guilty like I'm commiting murder or something. It physically hurts to eat sometimes.

I tried working out in order to lose weight healthfully, but I'm always tired and working out is torture. I have fallen asleep practically while walking, but at night I get no rest at all! I'm 16 and I have bags under my eyes, making me look like some zombie or stoner. Sleeping and eating are just painful and just thinking of either makes me want to cry.

My mother and her mother are also very obsessive about their weight. My mom had anorexia from her childhood until I was born, and she still is constantly dieting. She weighs less than I do! I can't eeven fit into her clothes.

Even when I did start not hating my body for the first time in ever, I was immediately shot down. My step father just loves making fun of everyone, being the racist male offspring of a female dog that he is half the time. Fat people are his favorite. He sees a lady walk across the street, and he "moos" at her. Then he'd turn to me and say "Damn! She's almost as fat as you!" My 15th birthday started with "Morning Tubby. Want more food don't you?" and was continued with a bunch more fat/ugly/stupid jokes for half the day. I still can't bring myself back from that.

I have lost a mere few pounds since 2 weeks ago when this whole thing got serious. I weigh myself everyday, 5 times a day. I don't know if this whole thing is a result of my depression coupled with OCD and anxiety, or if I'm developing an eating/sleeping disorder. It could be depression; I've been in the slums with that lately.

Asking for help is out of the question. My mother will just freak out and get mad, my stepdad will just laugh and throw more jokes at me, and my biological father is too out of it to even answer the phone nowadays. I am in homeschooling and my mom hardly ever lets me leave the neighborhood.

This is something I'm stuck doing alone. If I can deal with all my other crap alone, I can do this to. I fought past suicide, self harm and running away with no help from anyone. I've dealt with my panic attacks, depresssion and Aspergers before even knowing I had them. The problem is I have no clue what to do for this. Hence why I am here. Can anyone give me advice please?

[Christina86]

If it physically HURTS to eat, perhaps going to the doctor would be a good idea? At the very least, your parents can't allow you to not get medical help, especially if you "play it up" and complain of severe pain. If you get to talk to the doctor privately, ask them for their advice? You shouldn't have to deal with an eating disorder or any serious mental health issue by yourself without support.

I'm sorry your family is abusive like that and not supportive.

[moonlightgirl]

that step father of urs needs to shut his mouth. just saying. and i hope u get better.

[TheGammaGeek]

Originally Posted by Christina86

especially if you "play it up" and complain of severe pain.

That wouldn't work. They never believe a word I say anyway. All it does is irritate them. I could honestly say that I wanted to kill myself and nothing would be done. In fact, that's actually happened before. My stepdad told me I was unbelievingly embarassing, I was a lying freak and he told me that he wished I WOULD kill myself. Okey, that I'm not getting into.

I think I was just really sick before; it doesn't hurt so much, but it still makes me naueous.

I think I may be getting better, or that I will eventually. I looked up some stuff online, and I'm trying out some of it. I still do honestly need to lose some weight.

This is weird, but really it seems like meat is the one thing I will eat no matter how bad Im trying to lose weight, and I always feel better (physically and emotionally). I only get it once every week or so because my mom only buys it to eat on the weekends when my stepdad is here.