[mandazzle]

So I don't live with my parents, but I am still hurt by the fact that my parents don't seem to care about my ED. It's one of those things that they just don't talk about. My therapist wants me to go to my pdoc to make sure I am ok right now and when I told my mom she said "oh I didn't realize it was that bad that you have to go to the doctor". No mom, I've been starving myself for six years but don't worry it won't effect my health. They always say that they don't understand, yet they do nothing in an attempt to understand. Its really getting to me, especially because I tried to get into an inpatient facility over the winter but I couldn't because of my insurance and my parents haven't helped me try another option of treatment. Because they are ignoring it, that leads me to believe that they don't care. I know that is probably an irrational thought, but I can't help my feelings. I just don't know how to go about solving this issue. I just need their support and they don't have any support to offer me.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by mandazzle

My therapist wants me to go to my pdoc to make sure I am ok right now and when I told my mom she said

I don't know; your eating disorder is your problem that you want solved? I find it a bit strange that if your therapist wants you to go to your pdoc that the next thing you do/say is. . . "and when I told my mom". Why do you not just go to your pdoc? Why do you not talk with your therapist and pdoc about the treatment plan and other options you want. Clearly your parents cannot help and whether they care or not, it would be nice to think they did but they have no experience, understanding or reason/way to look at your problems, they have their own?

I think they assume that the path you are on with therapist and pdoc is a good one/the best they can think of (hence, your mother's, "I didn't know it was that serious"). Have you said to your mother that you wish she would express more interest and suggested how she might do that? She can't read your mind and her perspective is obviously way different! Think about it; if your daughter or friend said, "I'm depressed" and had a therapist and pdoc, what could you "do"? Would you ask, "How's your depression going today?" Not really.

I think since you know "all" about your illness you assume everyone else does/should automatically because you don't think very kindly of yourself so figure if you know something than others should even more because they're "better" than you are? I make that mental mistake all the time. But if you married an astrophysicist :-) would you expect him to feel you didn't care about his job/career? Would you study to be able to ask interested questions about his work? Probably not, the subject would be too foreign.

[mandazzle]

I told my mother because my pdoc is where she lives and my car isn't working right now so I need her to pick me up and take me there. Also my appointment is the same day as something else we had planned.

I'm not expecting her to read my mind, I am expecting her to put in more effort. She says to me I don't understand so I try to explain things to her and she says ok I still don't understand so I try to explain it a different way, and still she says I don't understand and I say well why don't you read a book on the subject or talk to a professional about it, but she doesn't. There is only so much I can do to try to help her understand.

[Elli-Beth]

That has to hurt, I totally understand. My parents never took it seriously either, and even though I was an adult I still wanted their support, but didn't get it. What I did find was one awesome T (and a very honest family doc) who helped me recover in the place of my parents and who helped me mourn the loss of their support. Hang in there! It's harder on your own, but it IS possible!

[mandazzle]

Thank you Elli. I am very happy that I have such a great therapist that is able to offer support to me and guide me as to what I should be doing because otherwise I would be completely lost and without hope.

[Open Eyes]

There is some good advice here mandazzle. Perna has some good points. You also have to take into consideration that your mother may be backing off because she is in denial, or even that it seems too overwhelming to her. Or, it could be that she feels that she really isn't qualified to give you the right advice or help. It doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't love you.

Parents are just people mandazzle. They don't have all the answers and they don't do everything perfectly. But it doesn't mean they don't care about you. Did you ever look at something, like algebra and say, I will never understand THAT. You may even try to learn it but it doesn't make sense to you at all. That is what you have to realize about your mom. That is also what rings true in Perna's response.

If you need her to give you a ride you can also just ask. But when you get that ride you should keep in mind that giving you a ride may be all she can do. You could say to her, I know you cant seem to understand, but I am glad that you are at least helping by giving me a ride to the people who do understand and can give me help.

At some point you are going to have to accept that other people are not really going to understand. The most important person that needs to understand is YOU. And all you can do is instead of trying to push your issues in another's lap, you have to accept what they Can give you.

You are helping yourself and it sounds like you are going to the right places. When you ask your parents to help you can just say I am trying to help myself and I need some financial assistance. And that is it. And also say, is there anything you can give to help me?

Good luck Mandazzle
It is good to know that you are getting some help from people who do know how to help.