Relapse

I am so disgusted with myself right now and feel like such a failure. Not only did I dishonor God and my treatment team, I dishonored myself by bingeing and purging twice to provide the stress relief I needed to get a major work project done on time.

The next day has been so awful. I'm ashamed, remorseful, regretful, but mostly I WANT TO BINGE AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

Starting over,
Bubba

Try not to beat your self up. Just be honest with yourself and try not to do it again. Easy for me to say. When I'm in the same boat but we tend to do that. Besides we have everyone else beating us up for what we have done. And try to remove those negative words to positive words. hope that helps much love JoDee

JoDee and all my fellow sufferers,
I survived the night w/o bingeing and am going to let it go. To start again without judgment. I did what I knew best at that moment, but that's what therapy and PC support is for: to learn new methods. THANK YOU.
Love, Bubba

Update - almost survived 2nd day - still 25 minutes left before I can officially claim victory and I need to go minute by minute because the urge is SO strong right now.

you're not starting over, it's a process to overcome. You will not, nor have I heard of anyone, just decide to stop binging and then they never had any problems w/it again. It takes time, give yourself the chance, only you can, nobody else can do it for you. but people can help, are you seeing a therapist for one-on-one sessions?

Yes, I'm seeing an ED specialist therapist once a week, a psychiatrist once a month and a nutritionist every three weeks. I feel so very fragile that I need this intense support just to make it through a day, let alone a week, month or year. I appreciate all the online support too. It's nice to know I'm not alone, even though it also saddens me to know I'm not along.

Dear Bubsmiley,

Relapses are going to occur, almost always...part of your therapy should include how to deal with them. You are NOT bad trying to get good, you are ill trying to get WELL!!!
You can do this! Hang in there and when the urges come, try very hard to let them pass like waves do...know that they WILL pass, they ALWAYS do!...distract yourself and let them pass over you in any healthy way that you can, and USE your support team and us to let people know that you are struggling and that you are fighting. You ARE a FIGHTER!! I can hear that in you voice!!

There are also online meetings you can go to like oa.org almost any time of the day or night, and books that you can read for support, and meetings that you can go to and sounds like you have an AWESOME support team lined up.. Relax a little and be a little/LOT nicer to yourself. You are very loved and supported and you are a fighter! When you relapse, let it go! You can re-start IMMEDIATELY...no time like the present. You don't have to wait until morning or the next meal or anything. Just dust yourself off, say 'I made a mistake'...and I don't want to do THAT again...and off you go...

Just like any other mistake. You learn from it..What triggered it? Were you too hungry, too angry, too tired, too stressed out, too lonely, did you not reach out soon enough? Ok..learn from it and let it go. You are just fine, and you can start over again..you are a FIGHTER. Just keep telling yourself that...
I think that is a great word for you-- FIGHTER!!
"Bubsmiley the Fighter!!!"
You Go GIRL!!!

Big hugs!

Wysteria Blue

Wysteria: Awesome advice. We tend to put so much guilt on ourselves for failing, or being "Bad", like you said.

"You are NOT bad trying to get good, you are ill trying to get WELL!!!"

Thanks for this!

Hang in, Bubsmiley!