I am going to join an ED group. I just know I'll be the fattest one there.

If I am the fattest, then I'll be more desperate to lose weight and continuing with ED. I feel worthless if I don't purge everything I eat or if my tummy is full. I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't join. I'm not sure that I want ED to go away.

We can help you, you've taken a very large step, but at the same time you are kind of sabotaging yourself to trip right away. You can't quantify yourself with a number (ie weight) and you can't eradicate your negative feelings with purging.

Personally I have found when I have worthless feelings and purge, that just makes me feel MORE worthless. Not exactly the way to a happy life.

Besides, how will you KNOW, deep down inside, that you are the fattest? You can't see us, hell, I'm eating a damn cookie right now and enjoying it.

(fyi, I'm a recovering bulimic, have been for years, I'm an inspiration in my own mind. I can help!)

Remember that people will be there for help with their eating no matter what their actual eating disorder, and that you will all be there to get better, NOT to gain/lose weight or end up looking identical. I went to an eating disorders group briefly (found it wasn't right for me for other reasons) but there were people there of all different sizes. the problem I found was that I was more ready for recovery than the other people in the group. If you do go, use other people's experiences against your on, NOT to compare yourself to or get caught up in.