[ByAThread]

I dont know if I should be here, or on the eating disorder forum. I am such a mess.
My anxiety is out of control -I just recently went back on prozac and xanax a week ago... the xanax helps but the withdrawl is anxiety provoking for me... the potential addiction gives me anxiety... Things are so very bad, that I have not eaten for months. I have a 5 month old baby girl, a 14 year old son and a husband who loves me one day and wants a divorce the next... a brand new home which I dont know if I can afford on my own without him, a high stress job, and I have lost 50 lbs since I had the baby... I only gained 15 when I was pregnant...the thought of putting food in my mouth makes me sick. I drink coffee and water. I go to T weekly. I am reading everything I can get my hands on... but my normal weight is about 140 and I am down to 110 -Im 5-7 -wearing a size zero and fading away quickly. I cannot get a grip. I am weak. I am tired. I feel like I am fading away. The only thing that I feel, is panic. Everything else is numb. I think I am bordering on an eating disorder - but I think it stems from my anxiety/panic...
I feel like I am a mess. I hate who I see in the mirror - I look like a skeleton - I hate who I have become emotionally... I hate that I cannot control this anxiety... it is seemingly ruling my life. I am ineffective at work -I am borderline as a parent right now... I dont know how to fix/end my marraige.
The sky is falling all around me. I need to get a grip. I need some friends/support who can relate...and help me get to a better place.
This is so isolating. I am embarrased, ashamed, and alone. Although I know it is just a feeling... I feel as though I am going to die.

[ByAThread]

Recvd diagnosis yesterday.. .anerexia. Scheduled to meet with a nutritionist at the hospital.
Dont know for what...they can tell me what to eat... but what good is that when I cannot put food to my mouth.

[EJ711]

By A Thread,

Please hold on. Get whatever medical help you need to hold on. Maybe some medication from your doctor would help.

Hugs,

Jane (EJ)

[ByAThread]

I started prozac a couple weeks ago... xanax for calming to help me eat... I dont understand the aversion to food.. is it possible it is only temporary because of the stress? Do people have "bouts" of anerexia and then it passes?
I feel constantly, like I have just eaten a huge thanksgiving meal and if I put anything in my mouth I will be sick... I dont purge... I just have a huge aversion.. I dont understand it at all... I guess I need to go surf the web for some understanding...

[adeline]

Hi ByAThread,

First of all, I'm sorry that you have so much on your plate right now -- you certainly aren't having an inappropriate/unfounded response given your situation. I've had anorexia & bulimia off and on for the past four years, so I know what you're up against right now (I also have anxiety, bipolar, & ADHD).

I've done a lot of research on eating disorders (am also finishing up a degree in psychology) and since I tend to be less than concise, I'll try to give you brief answers to some of your questions above (though feel free to PM me if you have any other questions).

Eating disorders usually arise from stressful situations in which you feel a lack of control. Eating disorders are really anxiety disorders in which the symptoms of anxiety are coped with by restricting food intake; each type of anxiety disorder is primarily differentiated by the response that one has to the anxiety (eg OCD: obsessions=anxiety, compulsions=attempts to alleviate anxiety). So, ironically, you DO in fact have a big measure of control in your life, which is the complete control of your body. Some people go on a diet, while others just begin having a huge aversion to all food, and don't consciously know why they can't eat. What you were saying about feeling like you've just eaten a big thanksgiving dinner all of the time is very common among anorexics.

The psychological and neurological aspects interact to cause a deep embedding of the disorder -- certain people develop eating disorders, GAD, OCD, or panic attacks (or a combo) as a stress response to past/present experiences, depending on what their brain chemistry is like (eg the balance of neurotransmitters & general makeup of the brain). You inherit genetic vulnerabilities to certain disorders from basic brain chemistry -- lower than average serotonin puts you at greater risk for depression (given the environmental stimulus of unemployment, death/loss, etc) and higher than average makes you at a greater risk for developing an eating disorder (although both often coincide...in which case other neurotransmitter levels are off, too).

Well, I've proved that I'm good at brevity....sorry for unloading gads of facts on you, I'm sure this is a bit more than you cared to know (hope I didn't put you to sleep). If you need any support, or someone to talk to, feel free to message me!

Jessie