just fed up with this

i am a compulsive overeater and i hate it, i want to be thin like i used to be, i told my self i would never get this big again. i hate myself. i started purging again today , after giving it up years ago. I'm just tired of everything, i don't want to live like this anymore but i can't stop and i am hopeless. sometimes i feel like giving up on everything cause of my weight and food addiction , and idk where to get any help like no one cares to help maybe i don't deserve it i just want to end it sometimes cause theres no escaping, this is supposed to be 1 thing i can control and i am failing so i am a failure

Hi krisakira, Do you see a T for an eating disorder? I would like to encourage you to be healthy, rather than be thin. Try to focus on being healthy every day. Say it out loud to yourself and really believe it. Today I am going to eat healthy, today I am going to be healthy, today I am going to be good to myself. One day at a time. I have had to do affirmations every hour for a bit, then stretch it out until it's one day at a time. I was anorexic and have a view of myself that is unrealistic. I am a good weight now, but feel like I'm too heavy. I look at myself every day and say the same things I have suggested to you. I am happier with myself with some down days, rather than down every day. I hope this helps you. Peace and health to you.

i see a T but i guess i have too many other problems to talk about it all at the same time.... so idk what to do

Kris, you must figure out why you're trying to shut your feelings up by compulsive eating. Personally I suffer from mindless eating, which then bleeds into mindless exercise then bleeds into mindless self loathing. I'm concerned that perhaps your therapist is opening more wounds than she can heal. That was a major problem I faced when seeing a therapist. It seemed to me that she would just create more turmoil in my mind and when I would leave I would be even more of a wreck than when I came out.

A good suggestion to you would be to start being more in touch with who you really want to be and who you are right now. How are they different? Make completely sure that this change in person isn't sole-ly dependant on weight, remember, you are much more than just how much you weigh. You are a living breathing human being that deserves respect.

Heres a question as well, why is this thinness so important to you?

Thinness, not particularly "skinny" but a normal weight is very important to me, because with this extra weight I can't do as much physically, it is "weighing me down" literally. I can't go on long walks with my dogs anymore. It tires me out so much. I am so tired of feeling so uncomfortable with all this fat on me. My back hurts, my knees hurt... I'm just so tired of it all. I want to feel good again, with more energy. So no, it's not about how others see me, its about me feeling better.