[akiabella]

I am in recovery for an eating disorder that I have had since I was 16. I am almost 22 now and it doesn't seem as though I am ever going to get 'better'. All I want to do is eat but I can't allow myself to do that unless I purge it. But I am always craving food, as comfort I suppose. I buy food like crazy and I tell myself that it's a treat, that I'm treating myself by letting myself eat whatever I want. As long as I purge. I know this is going to kill me but I can't find a reason to stop, death doens't seem like a real reason. I hate myself, I hate who I am and I'm tired of living. I can't accept myself, or my body, or my needs. I wish I could just erase myself because I know I hurt everyone who loves me, it doesn't make sense to me that they can find something to love about me when I can't.

I don't know what i am looking for, perhaps just some support. I don't know the answers and I am starting to think that there aren't any.

[patricia72]

my heart goes out to you and welcome, you will find wonderful support here.
I have had an eating disorder for about 14 yrs.... I starve myself and abuse laxatives... not the same disorder as you but just as frustrating and overwhelming at times....
Feel free to PM me anytime, wishing you the best,
Patricia xx