[Estee1]

When I was in hospital last month, one of my family members was told what is wrong with me while I was laying there. It was more than the anorexia. All anxiety disorders. I was shocked. I don't understand why they don't say it to me. They know that I'm terrified of hearing that I have it. It's all a bit more than scary.

[Myzen]

Estee,

I'm sorry that you are scared just now, it's always worrying when a new diagnosis comes up.

I think that all the illnesses we have here can be scary in different ways and we are a pretty brave bunch at PC. We do a lot of facing up to things.

You can always share some more if you feel like it.

Good thoughts, M

I'm thinking about you, my friend! Write to me! You can beat this!

((((((((((((Estee1)))))))))))

[Estee1]

I asked the psyciatrist today and I was told that I only have traits of anorexia nervosa. So that's a relief.

[Estee1]

Well about that post....I haven't been telling the therapist about my desire to lose weight until the therapist worked it all out. I have just found out that I am in some stage of anorexia nervosa. I don't know exactly what it all means. I am extremely underweight. I think I know that but I still want to lose weight.
I have freaked out because I have admitted to my therapist that I want to lose weight. I know that it's stupid in my mind but there is another part of me that says, "don't eat, lose weight," The thing is that I know that it is stupid but I am scared of getting fat. It's all very scary and embarrassing.
I just wanted to tell someone. I'm so tired all the time and I'm scared of everything. I'm depressed and I feel so lame. I'm freaking out. It's just a shock to me. I must have been fooling myself so well. I never dreamed that I would be here writing this or that this would be happening to me. It's always something I've heard that movie stars or models have. Not little old normal people like me. I was in such denial. I'm completely freaking out about what's in store for me. I'm so ashamed. Anyone else been here?

[sniffles]

Yes hun... I have been here, done that. It's not a fun road to go down, however maybe you have caught it early enough to move past it with time. I have suffered from eating disorders since I was 12. I'm now 23. Please don't go down the same path as me. It's horrible and very scary because you can't stop. At least not easily. Please look after yourself and know that I'm always here to talk to. I'm just a pm or im away.
sniffles

[Estee1]

I am 25. I can't believe that I couldn't see that I had a problem. Now that I know that I have a problem it's getting worse and harder to eat. But today I was invited out for lunch so I ate there.
I used to think that I wasn't anorexic because I eat. I thought people with anorexia just eat apples. I was fooled. I just feel like the biggest control freak.
Did you have extreme jealous feeling towards people, or feel really threatened by other people's strengths? I don't understand all of why people get eating disorders but I am so insecure, and so paranoid about what people think of me. I'm the worlds biggest people pleaser. Were you like that?

[sniffles]

of course im a major people pleaser and i was most definitely threatened and jealous by others. i was always wanting to be better at the disorder than everyone else. i had to be the best. so i got sicker and sicker. trust me...get ahold of this now. please, please email or pm me if you want some help with this. it isnt easy to get over, but it can be done.

[Estee1]

I can definately say that I am like that. Even though I am taller than everyone I know I still have to weigh less and be skinnier than all of them. Even if they are really short. I feel as though I must win the weight contest. it was never something that I did on purpose. It was just how I thought about things and I probably didn't even see how wrong I was. I am scared of putting on weight.

[sniffles]

I know you're scared of putting on weight. I was too. But be patient. It does get better. Remember I'm always here for you hun.

[Joyous]

I am sorry you are going through this. I am there too. Everyone tells me how "skinny" I am and I see it is a compliment, but at the same time, I know it is a concern. My doc has been urging me to see a nutritionist and finally i made my first apt. I have been seeing her weekly for 2 months now and we have made progress. She is teaching me combinations of food that work well together that keep my weight steady and give me more nutrition and energy. It is hard to stick to bc I think i am gaining wait everytime i eat , but the scale says i havent. it is an everyday battle, of course, but it has been helpful so far. I would recommend seeing one if u can - couldn't hurt!

My thoughts are with you!

[Estee1]

Oh I'm sorry you are in this spot also. I have seen a dietician once so far and will continue to see her. It's scary getting weighed. Especially if I am not allowed to see how much I weigh when I go there. I won't buy scales though. I want to beat this thing. Well one part of me wants to. The other part doesn't want to co-operate.

[sniffles]

*hug* you know im still here if you need someone to talk to.