[precious things]

I have struggled with severe anorexia, struggled with bulimia, Coe and back thru all of them again. Mostly anorexia but I do purge .....it has been an up and down struggle for over 2O years. Most recently I was almost hospitalized this summer but ( as usual) chickened out and thought I could gain the weight on my own. I am someone who seems to go downhill in therapy and do better (more or less) when I am on my own.

So now I have been gaining and am probably considered the low end of healthy weight and it is absolutely killing me. I know there is no peace in a number on the scale but there is great distress in the number that is staring back at me. In these moments I feel like purging but (and I am ashamed to admit this) I purge up streaks of blood every time now so I am really trying to cut back on that. I know, I sound like a mess. I've had years where I have just made peace with my curves and allowed my body to heal and do what it wants, but somehow I always stumble back into it. Anyways, I am miserable at the moment and trying to avoid purging so thought I would take the plunge and post here. Thanks for listening..

[Victoria'smom]

Welcome!

For me therapy makes my ED worse in the beginning and slowly improves it with less severe relapses. We hardly talk about my actual ED except for in my mood/event/though chart. I had to make the horrible choice of getting rid of my scale.

[precious things]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Welcome!

For me therapy makes my ED worse in the beginning and slowly improves it with less severe relapses. We hardly talk about my actual ED except for in my mood/event/though chart. I had to make the horrible choice of getting rid of my scale.

Thank you for the response! Good to hear therapy has eventually helped you. Mine just spirals fast and hard whenever I go into therapy (and I've tried many over the years). It seems to get better when I pull back. Same thing when I go to the dr....if they are aware of my Ed and want to do weigh-ins etc. it just triggers me to lose more....not good. I've never been able to break free from the scale. I am on/off maybe 20 times a day

[real life 11]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Welcome!

For me therapy makes my ED worse in the beginning and slowly improves it with less severe relapses. We hardly talk about my actual ED except for in my mood/event/though chart. I had to make the horrible choice of getting rid of my scale.

I too found that therapy makes my ED worse in the beginning and then it gets better and then at times worse again - depending on how the session goes. You said that you hardly talk about your actual ED in therapy - what do you talk about? I'm still learning how therapy works and every different person I have seen through my recovery does it a different way. Thanks

[AngelWolf3]

I am sorry to hear about your struggles! I too have started therapy back up and have noticed that my tendencies are stronger when I am doing therapy. We have not really talked about the ED either, because I have not brought it up. I am not sure if she would talk about it with me or not, but it is definitely starting to have a hold on me lately and I don't want that...I don't think...augh. I hate the back and forth of it all.

I am glad to hear that therapy is helping people, I was starting to feel crazy and was going to quit, but if it will get better then maybe I will stick with it a bit longer....