What does recovery mean to you?

What does life without an ED look like to you?

That is a really good question. To be honest, maybe it would be a lot less anxiety-ridden. I know right now, I spend a lot of time thinking about what I eat, what I can't eat, what I should/shouldn't eat, how many calories, stupid rules and rituals, and oh don't forget: "that food makes me feel fat"...and on and on and on. So maybe my brain would have room for some better things!

That's kinda scary...and new...and intriguing. Good question.

For me it would mean freeing my mind of the obsessing and accepting myself and my body with love and compassion. I also imagine it making me more open to social situations that involve food.

Seems like a pipe dream at this point but maybe someday....

I can't even fathom it.

Right now I can't see past ED its like living in a dark black whole that the more I try to get out the more I get sucked deeper into the dark depths of ED. Will this ever end? Do I wont it to end? Is there such a place with out ED? Will I ever reach that place? I don't have any answers but right now it feels more like a fair tail from a book then real life but If it is possible to get out of the dark black depths of ED I can only imagine it to be a place were I don't doubt my every move. It would be a place were I trust and love myself for who I am. Were I don't have to control what I eat every second of every day because I would be happy in my own skin and I would have self confidence that would not be broken. Were I don't care how others see me and when I looked at my self in the mirror I would see myself for who I am and not how ED sees me. That is what life with out ED would look like to me.

I feel like it means being totally free from thoughts of this. Where you can just be happy and eat healthy but not beat yourself up over eAting a sandwich or not running

To me I had both ways I don't think you really recover. Some of that stays with you always. For me I like recovery more I seem to be in more control. When restricting after awhile you lose control. Because your mind and body goes hay wire regardless if we don't eat. Than we began to not think only of our self tend to get mean. Yes it's hard to give up something like ED but end the end well worth it. Looks like to me i'm on the road to see my grand kids grow up and that alone is well worth it.

Just death.

Do you mean you would rather die than recover? Can you imagine life without your disorder? Can you elaborate?

featherweightinc.com Another way to look at life without ED? it would be like my mom had not only had to grieve about me 2 ways Life without my Daughter with ED and the Daughter without ED the Daughter I love the moment i laid my eyes on. Not only did i give birth to her I had to buried her also. I have a daughter What if she had ED how would i feel and what would i do. After all when you have a child your a mom forever. And no mother should have to buried there child.

Life without ed will be a lot more peaceful, as I won't be stressing about every single bite I take. I'm getting closer to life without ed, and I can almost see the end of the tunnel.

Just don't give up. I have come so close to quitting and giving in..... recovery will mean that I have won the war, though I know there will be little battles I'll have to fight for the rest of my life.

I s there such things as recovery?

I do believe there is. I've had periods in my life where the madness of the eating disorder seemed foreign and remote, as though they were some other woman's experience.

For me personally, I believe that my recovery from ED will be a lot like my recovery from alcoholism. What I mean is, even though I believe I have recovered from alcoholism, I have to stay vigilant. I will not eat in pubs. I do not go to bars. I will not go to venues that serve alcohol unless I am going there for a show, and I am going with another sober person. I do not eat food that has alcohol cooked into it. And when I feel like I'm struggling, I go to an AA meeting, talk to a friend in recovery, etc. So although I am recovered, it will always be a part of me, and there will always be certain things I will have to do to maintain my sobriety.
I see my ED as something that I can recover from, but which will always be a part of me. I believe that for me to recover from my ED I will have to obtain some kind of abstinence from a number of foods/food groups. I will probably have to go to meetings, maybe even for quite a while. I will have to change the way I socialize with people, since most of my major relationships and hangouts with people revolve around food. I will have to change when and how I eat, not just what. I will have to rigorously employ a set of tools each and every day, whenever I need them: journaling, phone calls, therapy, praying/meditating, and creating positive changes in my life, like reintroducing things I used to do before my ED took over, and cleaning up my finances, health, etc.
So what does recovery look like to me? At this point, a lot of work. But I know, from my sobriety, that it's my life's work and that it will result in the only kind of freedom I could ever hope for. I am in the process of putting supports in place...these forums are included. I am grateful to share my experiences with you all, and to read about yours. I believe that we can and do help each other recover.

last couple of weeks I would have said loss of a life long best friend.

Now it's more like, I'm not sure I believe you that I have/had an ED.

So healthy mood stability and med management really plays a huge part in my recovery. If I'm to far to an extreme in mood ED takes off. So recovery means meds, drs., and lots of therapy for the rest of my life.

I am at the point in my recovery that i'm positive i won't go back to certain behaviors, destructive ones, because i've stuck to my britches and actually did it. I have bad days, but not as bad as I ever felt doing bad things for my body, i just compare the way i feel now to the old ways I acted.Wild horses could not drag myself away from this new way of living.

Honestly, right now I can't answer that. I go in for my assessment at an ED clinic in 4.5 weeks and that's only because I feel like I'm being pressured into going. Hoping I can make myself walk through those doors and get started. As it is, my T and Dr are talking about the hospital as my next stop if I don't. I'd rather have it be my choice.

Good luck, photostotake. The assessment is the hardest part, but once you get past it the rest comes easier. I take from your post that the ED clinic was not your choice? As in, recovery is being forced upon you? Or am I wrong?

To finally be at peace with all of it ...