[Sam2]

I saw someone I know that i had not seen for a long time the other day. She has always been thin, but looked like she had dropped twenty pounds off an alread too thin body.

I have two questions, one to see if I can help, and the second is more a reaction to what I have seen online.

The lady in question is very intelligent, highly driven and a friend of the family. Still, I don't think she would respond to any direct questions as far as seeing if she is having problem with an eating disorder. How does one approach someone they are concerned about?

Secondly, when I was looking over some sites on anorexia nervosa, I was shocked to find that there are sites that "teach" people how to become anorexic. Never mind that it is cruel and a really bad idea, can people really make a conscious decision to become anorexic and carry through on it? I wish those sites were illegal. From what I have read, trying to come back from anorexia can be as hard and trying to break an addiction to heroin. Why would anyone want to try and entrap others?

Sam2

[Tamster]

Sam it is very hard on the friends and family you might want to talk to someone in the family first to see if she is already receiving some outpatient treatment u are not aware of. Then you will know better on how to address it. my friends used no tact at all and just ask me all the wrong questions that made me feel I needed to lie. I am sure her family has noticed the weight loss too, its hard to miss on a small framed girl. YOu may be the friend to save her life who knows.
Sam it is very very hard to come out of the life of anorexia but not as hard as it is to stay in it.

[Fig4]

You cannot "become" anorexic...it is a mental illness. You can, however, adopt very unhealthy eating and dieting practices.

I have an eating disorder (EDNOS) and certainly do not welcome being questioned by people about my habits. I've lost a significant amount of weight and people do notice and comment. I sometimes volunteer information, but only to friends.

[Victoria'smom]

I wouldn't ask her, I'd confide in her your struggles. Her reaction will speak volumes. I also don't believe in becoming anorexic. To me the sites you talk about is people wanting support but not ready for recovery.

[eskielover]

She could have also gone through some kind of serious trauma & the stress of it might have causes the extreme weight loss....it can happen even to the point of being hospitalized for anorexia (extreme weight loss) like happened with me. I was always at the lower end of my safe weight zone for my height & stress always made me loose weight....it makes me feel sick so I have a very difficult time eating.....going through a long term trauma I ended up in the medical hospital needing IV nutrition through a central line.

There are many reasons for extreme weight loss including illnesses & sometimes people/ even family don't want to let others know about it.

Not all people who have anorexia have "anorexia nervosa" which is usually based on body image issues...but are usually start from childhood issues or bad situations that have hit them in life.....& yes, I know that even my MIL got started on a diet & it worked so well, she lost way too much weight...couldn't stop loosing the weight because she had so changed her eating habits

[spondiferous]

Originally Posted by Sam2

The lady in question is very intelligent, highly driven and a friend of the family. Still, I don't think she would respond to any direct questions as far as seeing if she is having problem with an eating disorder. How does one approach someone they are concerned about?

Sam2

First of all, it's great that you want to help your friend. Sometimes people are afraid to do because they don't know what to do, so they do nothing. What I would suggest is just being up front about what you've noticed (since she is, as you say, intelligent and highly driven, she may take anything else as an insult) and then letting her know that you are there for her if she ever needs to talk. That's really all you can do: let someone know that you are there for them. It might plant a seed, if she's not willing to open up right away. I would just be prepared if you do say something, because her initial reaction may be one of anger, especially if it's an eating disorder. (I say 'if' because there's a very small chance that some kind of illness may be causing her to be underweight? If not then ignore this.)

Originally Posted by Sam2

Secondly, when I was looking over some sites on anorexia nervosa, I was shocked to find that there are sites that "teach" people how to become anorexic. Never mind that it is cruel and a really bad idea, can people really make a conscious decision to become anorexic and carry through on it? I wish those sites were illegal. From what I have read, trying to come back from anorexia can be as hard and trying to break an addiction to heroin. Why would anyone want to try and entrap others?

Sam2

It's true that some people view anorexia as a lifestyle. Having an eating disorder can instil a sense of control in people, give them a sense of purpose, something to strive toward. But the bottom line is, if a person wants to follow an eating disorder, they'll follow it. What I mean is this: when I first engaged with my ED, I was 15. Ironically enough, it was after I read an article outlining a girl's struggle and how she survived and recovered from her ED but just barely, and how the same ED killed her best friend. For some reason, what I got out of that article was, Hey, here's a way to not gain weight. And I've been struggling ever since.
The average person would have read that article, felt sympathy for the girl, her family, and the family of the girl who died, maybe been grateful they didn't have an eating disorder, maybe been saddened by the memory of someone they care about struggling with an eating disorder. But not me. For me it was an 'in'.
Hopefully your friend is not one of those who practices it as a lifestyle. I wish you the best and would like to hear how it goes with your friend.

[Gr3tta]

I definitely do NOT advise commenting on her weight or size as a way to open things. You might open up some dialogues about health in general, i.e. exercises you like to do, eating practices you like to keep, vitamins you take, health goals of your own, as a way to hear what she has to say on these topics. BUT there are a million and one reasons a person might have a dramatic weight loss, and anorexia nervosa is not the most common reason. You are a wonderful friend to be concerned, just be sure you don't jump to conclusions.
A word on so-called "pro-ana" sites - you can no more GIVE someone anorexia nervosa than you could GIVE someone schizophrenia. So I don't believe they truly make anyone mentally ill. They can however, give someone enough bad diet and health "advice" to make them physically ill if the person follows that advice. I don't wish them to be illegal because I believe in free speech, free expression, and free exchange of ideas. (Even if the ideas are bad) but I DO think they are in poor taste. A great number of them have actually been removed in recent years.
I hope your friend will be able to open up to you about whatever it is that's going on. Whatever it may be, I am sure she will be very happy to have a caring, non-judgemental, supportive friend at her side.

[Sam2]

I appeciate all of your input. I'm sure it must be hard to talk about, even on a forum.

As I only see her occassionally, its easier to pick up on weight loss than it is for someone seeing her every day. She has always been very thing, but also extremely active. I never worried about it before, but when I saw her after a couple of months, it worried me. There is a lot of things going on in her life right now. She tends to be a very private person, and I would not ask her about her weight. If anything, I think it would cause her to pull away. I have asked her if she is ok and she says she is.

There are times when she is very open, but usually its just light conversation. Both of us are introverts, so the heavier conversations aren't common. I'm just concerned about her. I'm hoping that I'm wrong.

It seems to me that eating disorders are horrible things to live with. Why would someone want to encourage others to do the same thing?

Sam2