eating disorder's daily check in spot

loosethecordsoforio · Sep 09, 2013 at 11:23 AM

i am doing well. i am working on eating whatever i feel like one day a week. it seems reasonable.

Grey Matter · Sep 09, 2013 at 03:23 PM

I'm having a bad pain day. Which means getting the energy/want to eat is running low. But I don't feel like I am restricting today. I just cannot get hungry.

sunsetsunrise · Sep 09, 2013 at 06:43 PM

I found a teeny bit of shaved dark belgian chocolate I use for cooking. I found it in the little draw I used for storing grains in my refrigerator. I do not go in to that draw. So I didnt know it was shoved way in back there. I do not know how mnay years its been there. Its a teeny amount. Less than 2 tablespoons worth. I just ate it. now I am sad and scared. I am having company on Thursday. I am afraid that it will show on my body. How sick is that? Makes me so deeply sad I think this way. my heart is breaking because of this illness. I am not supposed to lose more weight. And yet I dont seem to be able to stop. Even a teeny amount of chocolate that I eat scares me.

SingDanceRunLife · Sep 09, 2013 at 09:34 PM

Pretty good day today. It helps that I'm now working at a daycare and can (and am encouraged) to eat with the kids.

SingDanceRunLife · Sep 10, 2013 at 07:26 PM

Yup...the new job is really good for me! Even though I couldn't eat part of lunch today (it was pasta), I did eat a boatload of eggs, peas and corn!!

buttrfli42481 · Sep 10, 2013 at 09:22 PM

Found out at the dr's office how much I weigh and now I am freaked out. It is just a few points off of my heaviest weight ever (besides when I was pregnant). I told the nurse that I didn't want to know, but she didn't erase it off the scale when I turned around to get my things it was there, just glaring at me. Of course Ana had to know what the numbers were and she isn't happy. Now Ana is much louder and the urge to restrict is humongous! I am tired of this fight. Will I ever be happy?

Grey Matter · Sep 11, 2013 at 03:24 PM

Buttrfli, this recently happened to me. The only thing I could do to get that number out of my head was write it down over and over again, rip up the paper, and flush them. Gaining the weight is good! Stressful, but good. And I worked really hard to carry on, but I know you can do it too.

Didn't eat much yesterday due to pain, and actually felt bad about NOT eating! That was a new feeling. Today I've had fruit for breakfast, and pasta for lunch.

ShaggyChic_1201 · Sep 11, 2013 at 09:32 PM

great point Teen Idle about how you dealt with it.

precious things · Sep 12, 2013 at 08:24 AM

It's been hard lately and I need to eat-today. I have been trying to figure out what I can manage without it turning into a purge and I always come to the same conclusion....I don't trust myself around it, so avoid it. Or I spend a few days thinking "when is a safe day to eat?"--- and then I realize how absurd that is, most people eat daily, even many times in a day. I've never been able to stop purging without it turning into total restriction.

Grey Matter · Sep 12, 2013 at 11:40 AM

I've gained weight! I feel really good, and A LOT better than I have. I am still not where I want to be, but I am proud of myself. I am eating really well and it's getting easier every day.

Sep 12, 2013 at 11:57 AM

Been misusing food over the past several months to stuff emotions arising from intense C-PTSD Flashback. Also been self-injuring in other ways ...

I know better than this ... !!! ... Therefore, I've resolved to quit utilizing old, ineffective coping mechanisms to deal with the flashback.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/post-...flashback.html

I think I'm going to be okay now that I've called it by name and removed some of its power.

At least until the next time ...

Which I hope isn't for another several years at least!

SingDanceRunLife · Sep 12, 2013 at 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teen Idle

I've gained weight! I feel really good, and A LOT better than I have. I am still not where I want to be, but I am proud of myself. I am eating really well and it's getting easier every day.

That's awesome Grey!! Congrats!!

Still loving that I get all sorts of super healthy food at my new job! It's so nice to only have to think about 1 meal a day!! Today for breakfast we had bagels and cream cheese (and bananas)...I ate a bagel, even though I shouldn't eat gluten...and for lunch we had lentil soup, barley risotto (didn't eat that because barley is a HUGE no-no for gluten intolerance) and pears. And then at snack time, I had apples and sun butter (sunflower seed butter -- similar to peanut butter -- sort of, but allergen free).

sunsetsunrise · Sep 15, 2013 at 08:47 PM

I have been scared. Because I am older and have been on the weight yoyo, my skin is much bigger than my body. So most people do not see what I have been doing. It has been scaring me. But still I have kept losing. The doctor told me to stop. I said of course I will. But I didnt. I am so physically sick. And still have been losing. I have bed sores on the tailbone. Two days ago I ate 3 apples. My friend brought them to me. And I cooked them in a pan with water. Today I bought 2 apples. I cooked them and ate them. Then my friend brought me 2 more. I am so scared because physically I have been so sick for a couple of months. so I ate the other 2 apples. cooked. I have very mixed feelings about having done this. But I am trying anything I can to try to repair the damage to the digestive system that keeps me so sick.

buttrfli42481 · Sep 15, 2013 at 10:46 PM

Today was a semi-good day. I had a healthy lunch of homemade tacos, and then a variety of salads for dinner, then had some cheese, meat, and crackers as a snack. Ana is still wanting me to restrict but I am not letting her win. I can't afford to go backwards in my recovery. Forward is the only direction I will allow myself to go.

SingDanceRunLife · Sep 16, 2013 at 06:25 PM

Struggled over the weekend, but got more on track today, thanks to work. I don't even know what I ate today at lunch (some kind of curry with chickpeas and a bunch of other stuff), but I know it was uber healthy! Lol. Missing a few things, but oh well. Am seeing N tomorrow and feeling good about it.

Grey Matter · Sep 16, 2013 at 06:25 PM

Someone in my family ruined my healthy body image I have been gaining.

Now I feel fat and useless again. I always will be.

SingDanceRunLife · Sep 17, 2013 at 06:16 PM

Woohoo! My nutritionist is so pleased with how I've been doing we're going 3 weeks until our next appointment! That's the longest we've ever done!! And she's loving my new job as much as I am since I get exercise (a mile and a half of walking to and from the bus) and good nutrition out of it!

sunsetsunrise · Sep 18, 2013 at 01:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teen Idle

Someone in my family ruined my healthy body image I have been gaining. Now I feel fat and useless again. I always will be.

You deserve truth. He slammed you with lies. I promise that you are neither fat or useless. But I understand that you are back in the thick of it, thinking that you are.

I am sorry he did that to you. The power you reclaimed was real. And even though he took that from you... again, I totally think you will reclaim your truth again. And I am not just saying that. I really can feel that you will.

sunsetsunrise · Sep 18, 2013 at 01:06 AM

I did a lot of very heavy gardening today. Digging out a lot of plants that had very strong roots. Spent 2 hours doing that. Ate 2 apples. Along with soup. A bit scary. But I did it. I wanted more. I really wanted those blondies with extra chocolate chips that I baked for my neighbor. But I put conventional peanutbutter topping on them as soon as they were cool enough. I did that so I would not eat one. I do not eat conventional peanutbutter. But he does. Whatever it takes to not eat it.

ShaggyChic_1201 · Sep 18, 2013 at 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teen Idle

Someone in my family ruined my healthy body image I have been gaining.

Now I feel fat and useless again. I always will be.

Dearest Teen,
You are doing so well. Don't let this be an excuse to give in to ED!!

A wise person in recovery told me this, which I share with you. NO ONE can ruin your body image if you don't let them. It's yours. A few posts ago you were feeling positive, healthier and happier. Reclaim that! Honor your progress. Be mad at the family member for invading your boundaries, but DO NOT take it on as truth. You are not your body or your body image.

Bub

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

eating disorder's daily check in spot

My Support Forums

loosethecordsoforio Junior Member Member Since Jul 2012 Location: b.c Posts: 19 11 1 hugs given	Sep 09, 2013 at 11:23 AM #241 i am doing well. i am working on eating whatever i feel like one day a week. it seems reasonable.
	Reply With Quote

Grey Matter Magnate Member Since Jul 2013 Location: hippocampus Posts: 2,379 11 962 hugs given	Sep 09, 2013 at 03:23 PM #242 I'm having a bad pain day. Which means getting the energy/want to eat is running low. But I don't feel like I am restricting today. I just cannot get hungry. __________________ “You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.”.
	Reply With Quote

SingDanceRunLife Magnate Member Since Nov 2007 Location: Minnesota Posts: 2,848 16 65 hugs given	Sep 09, 2013 at 09:34 PM #244 Pretty good day today. It helps that I'm now working at a daycare and can (and am encouraged) to eat with the kids.
	Reply With Quote

SingDanceRunLife Magnate Member Since Nov 2007 Location: Minnesota Posts: 2,848 16 65 hugs given	Sep 10, 2013 at 07:26 PM #245 Yup...the new job is really good for me! Even though I couldn't eat part of lunch today (it was pasta), I did eat a boatload of eggs, peas and corn!!
	Reply With Quote

ShaggyChic_1201 Grand Member Member Since Mar 2011 Location: USA Posts: 770 13 1,187 hugs given	Sep 11, 2013 at 09:32 PM #248 great point Teen Idle about how you dealt with it.
	Reply With Quote

Grey Matter Magnate Member Since Jul 2013 Location: hippocampus Posts: 2,379 11 962 hugs given	Sep 12, 2013 at 11:40 AM #250 I've gained weight! I feel really good, and A LOT better than I have. I am still not where I want to be, but I am proud of myself. I am eating really well and it's getting easier every day. __________________ “You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.”.
	Reply With Quote

SingDanceRunLife Magnate Member Since Nov 2007 Location: Minnesota Posts: 2,848 16 65 hugs given	Sep 16, 2013 at 06:25 PM #255 Struggled over the weekend, but got more on track today, thanks to work. I don't even know what I ate today at lunch (some kind of curry with chickpeas and a bunch of other stuff), but I know it was uber healthy! Lol. Missing a few things, but oh well. Am seeing N tomorrow and feeling good about it.
	Reply With Quote

Grey Matter Magnate Member Since Jul 2013 Location: hippocampus Posts: 2,379 11 962 hugs given	Sep 16, 2013 at 06:25 PM #256 Someone in my family ruined my healthy body image I have been gaining. Now I feel fat and useless again. I always will be. __________________ “You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.”.
	Reply With Quote

SingDanceRunLife Magnate Member Since Nov 2007 Location: Minnesota Posts: 2,848 16 65 hugs given	Sep 17, 2013 at 06:16 PM #257 Woohoo! My nutritionist is so pleased with how I've been doing we're going 3 weeks until our next appointment! That's the longest we've ever done!! And she's loving my new job as much as I am since I get exercise (a mile and a half of walking to and from the bus) and good nutrition out of it!
	Reply With Quote