eating disorder's daily check in spot

Ate well today. I'm glad we had pears in our classroom this morning because breakfast was pancakes...so by lunch I was STARVING since all I had had was 2 small pears. And lunch was GOOD! We had some pumpkin soup that was absolutely ah-mazing!!!

I have not been here for a while. going to try again to see if it is safe. I have been wanting cheese puffs. I know that any cheese puffs I could buy that do not have GMOs in them only come in large bags. So I went to the health food store and found some there that are GMO free. I came home and ate the whole bag within 10 minutes. I know myself well enough to have been aware when I went to buy them that this would be an entire bag venture. I held no illusions about that. Still I do feel guilty. They were amazing. And now I get to have the guilt. Its likely that the damage they did will be undone in a few days. Still I will have to live with the after effects for 2 days. Feeling pretty bad about myself in the meantime

I haven't been eating much of anything.

Everything is getting too much to focus on this one important thing and it's horrible.

Today has been GREAT!

I ate a good breakfast, a good lunch, and am currently eating a good [balanced and nutritious] dinner! Pasta with tomato+basil+garlic sauce, ground turkey and cheese all mixed together with a side of broccoli...and A LOT of broccoli...like an entire cup! That in itself reaches my target for veggies alone, and I had a bunch of veggies at lunch today too! Just need some more fruit...

since the weather has started to get cold i have begun to drink a lot of hot chocolate made from cocoa powder mixed with stevia and fat free almond milk and water.

The problem is that my digestive system cant handle it. Its making a mess of things. But I am so addictive that i cannot seem to stop drinking it. It gives me a reason to WANT to get out of bed in the morning. But I am suffering for it. Its also not good for my heart. I cannot seem to stop drinking it. I am supposed to be trying to repair my digestive system. And what I am doing is making it worse by drinking this stuff. I give away the cocoa powder and then 2 days later am in the car buying more. I honestly do not know what to do. Its not causing me to gain weight. I would not tolerate that. But it is making me stay pretty darned sick

Decent day today after an awful day yesterday (though yesterday was caused by circumstance, not by choice since I spent almost 3 hours at urgent care after having 2 back to back appointments and didn't get home until after 9pm)...

Saw my nutritionist, and she is very happy with my progress, especially with the fact that I have been trying lots of new foods and combinations and am finding things that I really enjoy that are also really healthy. We also looked at my goals that I had set for myself and given to her when we first met, and we talked about them and where I'm at with them. I would say that I'm probably about 50% there...so I've made a lot of progress, but I still have a long way to go.

mmmmmm-that sounds really delicious!But I'm sorry you're going thru all that for it.

oh yes indeed. It is delicious. The cocoa powder is awesome. Its called Bensdorp. I get it in bulk at my local co-op. They are my supplier aka dealer.

Today i have been good about food. I ate soup made with water, pureed carrot, cut up carrot, and greenbeans. With very low calorie chicken sausage cut up in the soup. Miso paste and a teeny bit of toasted sesame oil for flavoring. I eat it every day. But yesterday I went to costco to get ink cartriges refilled. I had lots of time to wander the store and have the samples. The pizza samples were good. I had 2 samples of that. But there were more. It was like a "box store" cocktail party.

I do not want to be on the naughty list. so I have to remember to get through the night with no more hot chocolate. I think I will name my heating pad. I wll name it cocoa. That way maybe I can use that to stay warm instead of drinking its namesake. Just a thought

I made it 2 weeks! That is the longest i have gone in 2 years!

This is HUGE...I am struggling to make it a week and I know it's been years since I've gone two weeks. You should feel very proud of this...

congrats Moxie!!

Kind of a "meh" day today. It can be made pretty good though once I get off my butt and make dinner.

I wish someone else would check in. Even if its not so great news. I wrote a story last night about a phoenix made of pearlescent bones.

Hmmm, a bad day today
Tomorrow is a new day...

Because my bulimic activities have diminished my health insurance us cut me down to one 45 min session a week.

And another bad day grrrrrr....

I think its the hot chocolate that is causing huge problems for my digestive system. I drink a lot of it. I make it with cocoa powder, almond milk, water and stevia from the health food store. I am almost positive its the cocoa powder that is causing the problem. And yet I cannot stop drinking many, many... way too many cups of it a day. It also might be the amount of lemon and tart cherry concentrate. I add to the frozen protein drink. I might be able to cut that out because it is so cold where i live. Still I love the sour taste. Tart cherry concentrate is supposed to be very good for inflammation. I supposedly can have 2 cups of hot chocolate a day. I do not know though how I can limit myself. My digestive system is so bad to begin with. Okay, this was long. Sorry

I am so sorry. Its cruel that people would think that less bulimic activity equals enough healing to get less help. Only your therapist and you can determine that.

Sunsetsunrise - could you try peppermint tea? Its a nice strong flavour, and can help settle tummies. You can have it hot or cold. You can also add sugar, honey, or a sugar substitute if you'd like it sweet. Just a suggestion. I hope your digestive troubles improve.

My wife asked if I had lost weight again. I didn't really know how to answer. I hedged it and went with a technical truth: I was the same weight at the doctor the other day as when I was there last month. True because I made sure by looking up my online medical record and weighting my clothes appropriately. . I'm always stuck in the middle of feeling pride and guilt. There needs to be a feeling called. Pgruiidlet. What's easier - pruglet? Could we call it that? I dunno.

i feel the urge to purge after eating 1/4 a cookie since I needed to take my meds. I'm looking online for coping skills and if things get bad I know someone on facebook that just came back from a two month resort to treat her eating disorder. I'm in a rather good mood besides that though which is good.

Been up and down lately. Skipping meals again due to a lot of stressors. Doing my best to get back on track. I won't let Ana win.

I'm lonely, and I've been giving in to using my ed voice as a friend. I know I shouldn't but I haven't been caring much lately.

My boyfriend has a family gathering today and since I haven't been eating I feel uncomfortable going :/