eating disorder's daily check in spot

I ate 3 meals today. That's huge! I ate a real breakfast and a real lunch, and a small dinner...but it was 3 times! I got through eating 3 times and I didn't cry once! (over food that is -- I cried plenty about other things). I'm really proud of myself. A week ago, I was eating a "real" amount once a day. I feel disgusting, and if I didn't have a sprained ankle I'd be going out for a run, but since I do, oh well. I have a new pair of running shoes though But I'm not planning on using them for excessive exercise, I just want them for regular exercise since I don't have money for a gym membership so I'm mainly going to be running and doing Pilates (I have a DVD and the bands along with a mat) and whatever else I can find on Youtube. Yay being a poor student!!

Congratulations SDRL!

Thank you!

SDRL you have every right to be proud of yourself. That is a huge accomplishment! Keep up the good work and positive attitude.

As for me, I am doing good today. Actually considering a snack right now because I feel a bit hungry. I used to have a rule that I couldn't eat after a certain time, but that rule is gone with the wind.

Oh good lord if it not one thing it is another. Body image issue on overload!!!!

I'm doing pretty well with my goal today. I made it my goal to eat every 4 hours since I know I should especially since I was younger I was like uber hypoglycemic, and I've been told by T and old pdoc that it helps to keep the serotonin regular in your head. So I ate at 10 and 2 (approximately). It's now 6:20 and I haven't eaten, so I need to figure out a snack because then there will be dinner 'round 7 or maybe 7:30 so I don't want to eat too much. It's strange and scary though all at the same time...my sense of hunger is starting to return. I can still squash it with very little food, but it's harder to ignore.

Thanks everybody for sharing. Sometimes I don't feel like saying anything myself but I like to read what everyone else has to say. Gives me food for thought. (No pun intended )

Ate 3 meals again today Two of them were salad (like real salad, with meat and cheese and all -- not just lettuce), and two of them were small, but it was 3 nonetheless. And honestly, I'm still full from dinner an hour and a half later.

Oh...and it's now like really official official that I have anorexia...pdoc wrote the code from the DSM for it on my bill for my insurance...but honestly, I'm now kind of over the initial denial and not wanting the label. I'm at the point that I'm ready to kick some @ss.

It is only Tuesday and I managed to keep down all my food.

WTG Moxie!!

Great job SDRL and Moxie! Keep up the good work. I know it is hard, but you two are doing an awesome job at kicking ED to the curb.

I am doing good, tomorrow is my appt with my ED t and I still haven't done my homework. I need to make it a habit to do it before I get on here, but I forget and jump on here to check in with everyone and to relax.

Buttr, I know exactly how you feel. After email and Facebook, this is the place I check the most, and the place I spend the most time actually because of the relaxing environment and great community.

Tomorrow will be a lot for me...I have T and am meeting with the (I guess I should say my -- she is part of the treatment trio I've got as a team along with my T and pdoc) nutritionist after that. I made a copy of my food diary for my T so she can have it as a point of reference as well (and she loves things from me). I'm hoping that both will be proud of my progress because I made a giant step in the past week. I hope they don't expect this much every week though...because this was seriously pushing me outside my comfort zone.

I worked hard in PT on Monday, got home at 3:00, tired, weak, and very hungry as I hadn't eaten since Sunday morning. I was crabby and hubby asked what was wrong, and I said, "My knee hurts, and I'm hungry!" Soon he brought me in a bologna sandwich with miracle whip, cheese, lettuce, and crunched up potato chips. Along with a big cup full of grapes. It was delicious but I felt very bloated. We went on a several hour long, circling around road trip to pick up things for the business. By 7 I was already noticing my stomach growling and we went through the drive through..... not healthy, but filling! We got home around 11 pm, I was hungry again of course, normally I would just go to bed and try to ignore it, but I had a wonderful little snack of apples and cheese, and felt satisfied til morning!
I woke up and had some milk, and had small meals for lunch and dinner. I was proud of eating pretty frequently. I had a small snack a few hours ago, and I am starting to feel I could use something, but trying to just go to sleep. But if I wake up, I will not hesitate to have something.
I am telling myself healing must require many calories, and that is why I am hungry. I crave GOOD food....big salads with cheese and veggies and ham and avocado.......milk.....cheese.....oranges......lean beef......juice. I am not craving Chips Ahoy. I give myself permission to eat and heal, no matter how uncomfortable it is, it is awkward to eat until I'm full....it's weird.

I'm going to try to eat every time I feel uncomfortably hungry, seems like such a stupid simple concept, but if I were not recovering from surgery, I would fail at that attempt most likely the first day. Every time, I need to get it through my thick skull....my bones were opened up! They have to mend! PT is hard work! I need the calories!

Being around my husband so much helps. He will see to it that I eat.

It seems like I will struggle with eating several times a year. Because of this, I have to keep clothing in many different sizes. In college I struggled horribly with it. I loved to starve, I loved the "clean", "pure", and "in control" thoughts I had. I didn't look terribly skinny, just thin, but I loved to lay on the bed after starving a few days, and feel the sharpness of my hip bones and ribs, my stomach sunk in. I was proud of my strength and self denial. I couldn't wait to be skinny enough to be perfect. I wondered when I would be perfect. Tormented by hunger pangs, drinking water to ease them, but yet I wanted to feel them.

I never talk about this. My husband realizes when I start restricting, or taking food but not eating it, and he is aware and protective.

T and N both think I'm doing a great job! They were both impressed by my food journal and we're going to keep going from here. It's going to be really hard, and I don't know that I feel up for the challenge...but at the same time, I want to kick Ed's butt to the curb. It's just really hard when eating is a chore not something enjoyable or meaningful.

Ok,it is only Wednesday but I have kept all the food I ate.

I ate yesterday....you mean that doesn't count for today. I made some yummy chicken salad with grapes yesterday morning....went to my pain specialist & took the chicken salad with me to share visiting my friend & left her the left overs. She cooked talipia for us for dinner & carrots. Got home to my phone I left when I was in a hurry to leave & found 2 calls from collection agencies trying to find my stbxh. Finally crashed around 3am & ate some bananna pudding I brought home from our church meeting on Sunday........didn't wake up until noon.

Found a VM from the mortgage company saying he hasn't paid his new loan modification payment this month & even though I didn't have to sign the loan modification....my name is still on the mortgage even with the quit claim. Finished dealing with the IRS issues trying to get the billing back to my address because they managed to change it when we filed taxes separately this year (long story).....grrrrr & got the change of address form into the post office before 5pm only pick up in the day. Got home & noticed all my plants were wilted in the heat....so I took time to water them.

Stress has been so great....anxiety left me feeling shaking.....went to take a hot shower to chill out just as a huge thunder storm came up.....I took the shower anyway....but not relaxing....almost felt like daring the lightning to strike through my skylight by that point.....storm now past....it's almost 9pm & I still haven't had a bite to eat all day.....

I hate days like this....I need to eat except. Had an ice cream bar & a lot of ice cold water.....first day over 90 all year & the heat is getting to me also. Try not to use the AC to keep the electric bill down....but it's miserable enough I might have to just use the AC anyway......heat & stress leave me not feeling very hungry even when I know I need to eat.....then can't figure out what I'm in the mood to eat......& I just sit here knowing I need to eat.

Oh I hear ya hon, isn't it so crazy how time can get away from a person like that? And having stressful voicemail and having it hot, I can see how it would just trash out any desire to eat. I think it is worth it to turn down the temperature, I can't stand to be too hot or cold, I figure at the worst it might raise our bill $1 a day, $2 at most....and when you are sweaty and miserable and tired.....it's SO worth it. To feel comfortable and be able to relax....
Maybe if you put down the thermostat and take a bath or shower you would feel better and could eat. If it is just me, I try to eat something small and not overwhelming, like an orange or milk, maybe a grilled cheese. You could drink ensure, but....ugh I hate it. I could get used to it I suppose. They put them on my tray when I was in the hospital.
The only bad thing about my darling hubby is, he thinks I can eat as much as he can. Bless his Heart he made a wonderful meal, but comes in with my plate....a huge serving of fried potatoes and onions, a hamburger bun split in half, and each half covered with a big scoop of sloppy Joe. He makes delicious sloppy joes......burger, onions, peppers, brown sugar, ketchup, mustard, etc.....but I can't possibly eat a pound of it! I always feel bad cause I eat about a third of it, and convince him to "put the rest of mine up for later" and I rarely eat the rest.

I didn't feel much into eating today, so by supper, I'd had some milk and some iced tea, so he brings me this huge plate of supper. It is very sweet, though.

I did great at PT, bent my knee to 110 degrees, did bunches of exercises, it sure is achy though. I should take a multivitamin.

I can relate to your PT & working on your knee....I had knee reconstruction before they did it arthroscopically....leg was in a cast for a month & couldn't bend the knee once it was out of the cast & into a brace that wouldn't let it bend either. PT was all about breaking up the scar tissue for the first 2 months & exercising to build back up the mucsle in the leg which had completely atrophied while in the cast. Couldn't walk on the leg for 3 months of living on crutches. Had no idea that the knee wouldn't bend at all after the surgery & cast.....& breaking up the scar tissue was the most painful experience of my life. I would come out of PT as white as a ghost most days.

Sweet that you have a husband to cook for you. I left my H 6 years ago for oh so many of his irresponsible ways even though he would cook for me when my anorexia was really bad....the other bad things he did didn't make his cooking worth staying for.

I have to be careful here with my electric bills. During the cold winters, I have bills up to over $400 & the same in the summer for the cooling....so I am very careful in my use of my heat pump (which acts as both heating & AC)

Going to fix more of the chicken salad with the other 1/2 of the chicken.....& some cucumber spread which I can use in wraps.....keeping them refrigerated makes them a nice cool meal to eat when nothing but ice cream sounds good to eat....or the Mango fruitcicles. Got the makings for mango smoothies also......that uses the frozen yogurt which is good protein.

Grilled cheese sandwiches are good & easy to fix...actually when I was dealing with major anorexia, I survived on 1/2 grilled cheese sandwich & oatmeal cookies.....which reminds me....I have pumpkin left to make more oatmeal/pumpkin/cranberry cookies before the pumpkin spoils in the refrig.....but everything takes work & I'm not always willing to work so hard to make the food I eat & yet I look at the frozen food & the contents are horrible with the preservatives.......it takes me hours to go grocery shoping because I look at the contents of everything I buy & no MSG or other bad things so I have to look at all the labels & that's a long process if I'm looking to buy things I don't normally buy for a change.

Did good Wednesday hoping for the same today. Usually that is how it has been and then I fail on the weekend.

Made it through Thursday even after I pissed off everyone on my Facebook page because I am not boycotting Rolling Stones Magazine and I will buy the controversial issue