eating disorder's daily check in spot

I ate yesterday....you mean that doesn't count for today. I made some yummy chicken salad with grapes yesterday morning....went to my pain specialist & took the chicken salad with me to share visiting my friend & left her the left overs. She cooked talipia for us for dinner & carrots. Got home to my phone I left when I was in a hurry to leave & found 2 calls from collection agencies trying to find my stbxh. Finally crashed around 3am & ate some bananna pudding I brought home from our church meeting on Sunday........didn't wake up until noon.

Found a VM from the mortgage company saying he hasn't paid his new loan modification payment this month & even though I didn't have to sign the loan modification....my name is still on the mortgage even with the quit claim. Finished dealing with the IRS issues trying to get the billing back to my address because they managed to change it when we filed taxes separately this year (long story).....grrrrr & got the change of address form into the post office before 5pm only pick up in the day. Got home & noticed all my plants were wilted in the heat....so I took time to water them.

Stress has been so great....anxiety left me feeling shaking.....went to take a hot shower to chill out just as a huge thunder storm came up.....I took the shower anyway....but not relaxing....almost felt like daring the lightning to strike through my skylight by that point.....storm now past....it's almost 9pm & I still haven't had a bite to eat all day.....

I hate days like this....I need to eat except. Had an ice cream bar & a lot of ice cold water.....first day over 90 all year & the heat is getting to me also. Try not to use the AC to keep the electric bill down....but it's miserable enough I might have to just use the AC anyway......heat & stress leave me not feeling very hungry even when I know I need to eat.....then can't figure out what I'm in the mood to eat......& I just sit here knowing I need to eat.

Oh I hear ya hon, isn't it so crazy how time can get away from a person like that? And having stressful voicemail and having it hot, I can see how it would just trash out any desire to eat. I think it is worth it to turn down the temperature, I can't stand to be too hot or cold, I figure at the worst it might raise our bill $1 a day, $2 at most....and when you are sweaty and miserable and tired.....it's SO worth it. To feel comfortable and be able to relax....
Maybe if you put down the thermostat and take a bath or shower you would feel better and could eat. If it is just me, I try to eat something small and not overwhelming, like an orange or milk, maybe a grilled cheese. You could drink ensure, but....ugh I hate it. I could get used to it I suppose. They put them on my tray when I was in the hospital.
The only bad thing about my darling hubby is, he thinks I can eat as much as he can. Bless his Heart he made a wonderful meal, but comes in with my plate....a huge serving of fried potatoes and onions, a hamburger bun split in half, and each half covered with a big scoop of sloppy Joe. He makes delicious sloppy joes......burger, onions, peppers, brown sugar, ketchup, mustard, etc.....but I can't possibly eat a pound of it! I always feel bad cause I eat about a third of it, and convince him to "put the rest of mine up for later" and I rarely eat the rest.

I didn't feel much into eating today, so by supper, I'd had some milk and some iced tea, so he brings me this huge plate of supper. It is very sweet, though.

I did great at PT, bent my knee to 110 degrees, did bunches of exercises, it sure is achy though. I should take a multivitamin.

I can relate to your PT & working on your knee....I had knee reconstruction before they did it arthroscopically....leg was in a cast for a month & couldn't bend the knee once it was out of the cast & into a brace that wouldn't let it bend either. PT was all about breaking up the scar tissue for the first 2 months & exercising to build back up the mucsle in the leg which had completely atrophied while in the cast. Couldn't walk on the leg for 3 months of living on crutches. Had no idea that the knee wouldn't bend at all after the surgery & cast.....& breaking up the scar tissue was the most painful experience of my life. I would come out of PT as white as a ghost most days.

Sweet that you have a husband to cook for you. I left my H 6 years ago for oh so many of his irresponsible ways even though he would cook for me when my anorexia was really bad....the other bad things he did didn't make his cooking worth staying for.

I have to be careful here with my electric bills. During the cold winters, I have bills up to over $400 & the same in the summer for the cooling....so I am very careful in my use of my heat pump (which acts as both heating & AC)

Going to fix more of the chicken salad with the other 1/2 of the chicken.....& some cucumber spread which I can use in wraps.....keeping them refrigerated makes them a nice cool meal to eat when nothing but ice cream sounds good to eat....or the Mango fruitcicles. Got the makings for mango smoothies also......that uses the frozen yogurt which is good protein.

Grilled cheese sandwiches are good & easy to fix...actually when I was dealing with major anorexia, I survived on 1/2 grilled cheese sandwich & oatmeal cookies.....which reminds me....I have pumpkin left to make more oatmeal/pumpkin/cranberry cookies before the pumpkin spoils in the refrig.....but everything takes work & I'm not always willing to work so hard to make the food I eat & yet I look at the frozen food & the contents are horrible with the preservatives.......it takes me hours to go grocery shoping because I look at the contents of everything I buy & no MSG or other bad things so I have to look at all the labels & that's a long process if I'm looking to buy things I don't normally buy for a change.

Did good Wednesday hoping for the same today. Usually that is how it has been and then I fail on the weekend.

Made it through Thursday even after I pissed off everyone on my Facebook page because I am not boycotting Rolling Stones Magazine and I will buy the controversial issue

Did really good today! I had my smoothie as discussed with with my nutritionist, and my lunch was even better than my goal. PLUS, I ate a snack...an unhealthy one at that. And with no guilt!

SingDanceRunLife:

Yay for everyone who is doing good!! Hope for those who might be struggling. And Hugs for everyone!

I am doing good, actually had 3 meals and a snack today. Plus some candy at the movie. Keep up the good work and the hope everyone.

Yesterday was a rough day for me, I don't know why, my knee was sore, and I was teary and depressed. I worried about when I am going to be able to get back to work, and is our business going to sell, and how much money will we lose....will our new business succeed....or will it be a joke.....if it flops, will my husband be able to find something new, here, or will we have to move? I cried for the loss of our business after over fifteen years.....it feels like losing a loved one.....we have been screwed over soooo many times. We always are nice, and it comes around to bite us. I worried will we have to move? I can find work anywhere.....but I have to heal up.....and I don't know what to do....

I just laid in bed and stared at a wall. I of course would not eat. Finally after begging me to come and eat, hubs came and practically carried me to come sit with him, and made me supper. I didn't eat much...half a potato, half a Salisbury steak patty, a spoonful of vegetables. But I felt better. We ended up having a somewhat romantic evening lol. (Probably burning more calories than I ate haha!)

Today there was good news, my acreage sold, and we will have money to start our new business and at least give it a try. I haven't eaten today other than milk, and feel nauseated, but maybe after my PT, which is in like...omg 10 minutes lol....after that we will have dinner.

Really you have that much drive, ambition,motivation, know how to open,own and run you own business. I would kill to have half the ability to do that. I am unable to make that leap of faith. I do not have the confidence or self-esteem to do that. This should be on your grateful list if you make a grateful list. Maybe I will start a gratefule thread.

You did really good to eat what you ate given the stress you are feeling. Knees are strange....for me, change in weather or if a storm is coming up with make my knee hurt....or if your PT did a little bit extra work on your knee the last time....all can have an effect on how the knee is feeling without our realizing why.

Glad you ate enough to have a enough energy for having a romantic evening with your H....made it worth eating I'm sure.

Glad today had some good news in it also.....seems it helps with the feelings of depression.

Early yesterday morning around 5am, I decided to fix the frozen eggplant Parmesan I had....was hungry for it....but it effected my system.....went right through & the cramps were horrible......so strange how some foods effect me that way more than others....definitely cleaned out my system better than any laxitives could have ever done but left me feeling miserable.

I had a good meeting with my psychologist yesterday afternoon however, helping me deal with all the issues I'm having dealing with stbxh who I really just hate & all the emotions I have regarding my bad feelings for him. Went & looked at paint colors for painting the rooms in my house. Came home & worked in the yard...mowed the area right in front of the house......woo hoo, the county came by & mowed the strip next to the street, now I can finish mowing myself & have my farm look like a park again. Got through mowing after 11pm & decided to initiate my new BBQ by grilling a bacon wrapped fillet & corn on the cob....it couldn't have been more perfect. The first time I have ever BBQ'ed & it came out perfect & so was the corn.....even if it was a midnight dinner, it was so enjoyable......oh, I love my BBQ....don't have to heat up the kitchen now during the summer to have a delicious meal & it's quick & easy to throw on a piece of meat....20 minutes later.....the perfect dinner.

Find when I'm outside & working in the yard, my appetite gets to be much greater & I have to find something to eat.

Weather was really hot yesterday, but today it just hit 90.....so I don't feel as miserable.....heat also takes away my appetite for sure....& the stress of dealing with stbxh is a real killer of appetite.

I had a really nice talk with the California DMV person when I was trying to find out information on the car I left my H....we actually shared some of our bad marriage experiences.....somehow sharing & knowing that we are not alone does validate what we are going through.....she was a lot of help is resolving what I need to do to clear up some paperwork that's been hanging for 6 years in getting the title for my horse trailer also.

When I'm the only one in the house it seems like I just get finished fixing one meal & it's time for the next....it's no wonder I only am willing to spend time willingly making one meal a day or it feels like I'm constantly in the kitchen making a mess that needs to be cleaned up rather than doing anything else around my farm......maybe because I'm so disorganized.

Did great again today! Switched out my lunch plan for dinner due to my work schedule, but whatevs. I still ate was I was supposed to plus some.

Friday....kept my food but my inner self critic is beating me up about not losing weight.

Today is half and half...ate a good breakfast, a decent lunch, a good snack, but no dinner...and I took a 20 minute run...

We have days like that SDRL. What matters is that tomorrow is a new day.

It is so hot here that I am having to force myself to eat. I find that sandwiches are the easiest thing for me right now.

I know strong is the new skinny but strong does not translate well into jeans!

LOL.....I remember before they had low rise jeans.....even the less low rise....somehow waste band around the middle just made the top & the bottom look bigger...lol.

I remember thinking wow, I even look thinner in these low rise jeans even when I hadn't lost any weight.....so I live in my low rise everything now...even at the age of 60...lol

Having some very stressful days lately.....dealing with stbxh.....I wish he would disappear off the face of this earth.....then maybe I would be more normal on everything....can't get anywhere on time......not feeling like eating....loosing track of even what day & time it is....so it's no wonder eating has gone bad....snack to get by....tangerine oranges are nice with crackers....but I have food I want to fix & enjoy.....hard to eat when one can't enjoy the food either....it's bad enough feeling like you have to eat without enjoying it also.....grrrrrrrrr.

Still trying to get my chicken salad with grapes made & the cucumber sandwich spread that I love....that way eating will be basically much easier. Shoot, I haven't even gone to the kitchen to get ice cream which is my main stay at times also.

I know what was going on yesterday....I had 2 things that I had to get done....the paperwork for the duplicate title for my car I left in Ca for my stbxh to drive.....which has been non-op for 2 years.....& to rework the paperwork to resubmit my claim for the spoiled food I lost when my refrig went out 2 months ago. Ran out of printer end of the month when I got the refrig back & didn't get it until a few weeks into this month.....then other things kept getting in my way...finally sent it & didn't put the prices down.....so had to rework that & get every item with a price on it.....went quite a bit over the max they pay...but that's ok....at least I get the max reimbursement....that will help with LIFE a little....maybe I can even afford a new cheaper model of a smart phone & get a less expensive prepaid plan.

Today, Ed won. However, my nutritionist (who I saw today) said that I'm doing really well overall and I don't have to do a food diary for a week AND she doesn't feel the need to see me for two weeks! We've still got a long run ahead of us, and we both know that, but this means progress so I'm really happy about that!

Congrats SDRL!!!! You have been working hard. So ED won today's battle, tomorrow is a new day!

Today I had a bowl of Frosted Flakes, a French bread pizza, and chicken marsala for dinner. I am planning on having some fruit later on.

Some days are a struggle....other's aren't. I finally went down to the kitchen & finished making my chicken salad with grapes & put it in a flat bread with a yellow tomato out of my garden(the best part).....& ate my meal for yesterday at 5am today......hmmmmm.....at least I ate & now I have easy fixins for the next few days.

Stress.....lawyer wont in until next monday....issues with divorce I finally discussed....now to get the divorce finalized......nothing but the feeling of stress right now & it does nothing for my eating......get sick feeling just thinking about food let alone eating it. God news for stbxh.....I'm not going to continue to tolerate his crap....that's why I left him....so he's got a fight on his hands & Im the one with the lawyer.....so we will see who wins even if it's across states.....judge in my state is the one giving the court order on the divorce & I walked away with basically nothing but my freedom (which is worth more than things IMO....just frustrating to leave so much of me gone that I had including cloths...not all but some really nice things that didn't get brought)

Today was not a good day for me. I had a protein granola bar and dinner which consisted of 1/2 a chicken breast, noodles, and a salad.

Was told that I possibly only have until the end of the year at my job, so they don't want me to start anything new right now. I have 1 client. I need about 8 for a full case load, and to make the job worth doing. I love this job and the people I work with, but getting 5.5 hours in two weeks is ridiculous. Talk about stress inducing.

Had just not been real hungry, but at least have eaten one meal a day, every day.

I was just hungry for meat....a big, juicy, thick, tender steak......that sounded sooooo good. We had rib eye steaks, rare, and baked potatoes with butter and sour cream. I hadn't had a steak in probably two months. It was absolutely heavenly. I was craving it bad.....must have been just what I needed! I was gonna have salad, too, but I didn't have room.

Once again I'm proud of myself. Even though yesterday and today (but especially yesterday) were extremely stress inducing, trying and tiring, I still ate...today, I even had ice cream, just because!

SDRL: I can remember the first time I had ice cream just because. I even sent a text to my t saying that I was eating ice cream and that it wasn't going to make me fat.

Today was better than yesterday, but not as good as it could have been. I had a late breakfast which meant that I was going to have to eat a late lunch which turned into me just having a snack and too tired to fix anything when I got home around 9pm. I hate when my schedule gets all screwed up. Tomorrow is a new day.

I haven't posted in this forum in a really long time and I've missed it dearly. Congrats to all the successes and even the struggles because those are successes too. I have been behavior-free for three and a half months now. Feels pretty weird but I try not to think about it. Only gotta do one day at a time.