[Waelwulf]

Am I really cured? I am in my twenties now but when i was younger i had anorexia i was severely depressed and choose by accident to constrict what I ate, I never meant to lose weight i never meant to have a thing about being thin i just did what i could to take control of my life. Anyway now i am clinically overweight i pine for the days when i was thin and healthy. i long for the control i had when i was anorexic and i seriously want to be so thin as to disappear. but i have not taken steps to control anything or i am not so out of control i am over eating i am eating enough (just admittedly) i fear so much going back down the road of needing to constrict my food and drink, falling over every time i stand up, vomiting so much my stomach hurts and taking laxatives i'm crippled with pain. i don't want that but it feels almost inevitable... am i really cured then....

[buttrfli42481]

I would say you were possibly in recovery and now those thoughts have crept back in. I am not sure if one can be "cured" of an ED. I think we can be in recovery and not be acting on the thoughts or behaviors, and then we could also be actively engaged in our ED. Is there any way you can start seeing a nutritionist if you aren't already? They can help you get on a meal plan that is right for you to lose the weight in a healthy manor.