[alisandria]

Other than what I know clinically of this, I don't really know much. My niece has confessed (not sure that is even the right way to put that, but for lack of better words) of suffering from bulemia for several years. I guess she hid it pretty well. This is the same one that recently tried to kill herself (and within the family there is a lot of hush hush overall this-I feel that is sooo wrong, but not gonna go there yet) she's in the hospital still, and being medicated.

My questions: What can I do to help support her through this? My family is not really very supportive, and I get a very strong impression they feel all of what she recently just did was for attention (well it was actually verbally conveyed that way). She's 14, this is such a touchy age as is, and I really would like her to know how much we care for her, and help her as much as we can in a positive forward moving way.

What if anything is there that helps you through?
Thanks, Lisa.

i would just try to be a friend. dont force her to talk about her issues, but don't make her feel alone. Maybe if you can visit her and play cards, or watch oprah together, or whatever. Don't make her feel like a patient but a friend.. ...eventually maybe she can open up to you if you build that relationship.

[alisandria]

I do have a relationship with her already, and it's a loving one. It's just I cannot relate to this, and I don't know how to be supportive. I hate the things people say to me about my anxiety disorders, and I really don't want to be dumbfounded with her.

Would it be wrong for me to just say, hi honey (hug), I'm glad you are ok....blah blah blah....but then she talks about her weight...she's not fat, she's 14...but I don't want to seem insensitive, because even without an eating disorder saying to a 14 y.o. you don't look fat, this is a part of adolescence, yaddi yadda that can be walking a fine line. Sitting there pretending I don't hear what she says isn't much better either. What do I say?

I don't want to sound ignorant about this, but I am. I really love my niece, my family can be a real handful when it comes to any mental illness and they all kind of think this is some attention getting phase she is going through. I know it isn't, and I don't want her to feel any more alienated than she is.

Thanks for your help. It's much appreciated. hugs, Lisa

honestly.. for me.. who is alot older than 14.. if i say negative things about my weight. i wish people would just try to say something positive about who i am in general to get my focus off it.. or just listen without commenting maybe. I'm sure she is a beautiful girl is many ways.. Sorry i dont have many answers for you.

[alisandria]

Actually, that is helpful. I will strive to point the direction on her inner self instead of external things. Thanks, you have been helpful...now I have a bit more direction.

hugs, Lisa

[biplol]

I think (like esthersvirtue said) focusing in something else could be the very best. There is so much for young kids to discover, and they have no idea. Maybe if she can feel fullfil with a new activity, she'll feel acomplished.
i hope everything work out well.

[Milanist]

Hi, its ture that focusing on something else will help but it wont solve the problem. Her problem is her physical apperiance and you have to talk about that!

When my sis had that problem, (bulimia) we talked about the way she looked and i once tried to tell her that she was beautiful form inside and that that is what counted after all, but you must be careful, because doing so she/he can take it wrongly, ie she might thing you are saying,'so wat you are a bit fat, its wats inside that counts', and you must NEVER give that message cause it will distroy her!

Talk to her, she might have other problems other then her weight obsession, since she tried to commit suicide, so talk to her about these problems, you might feel cheesy saying the old stuff over and over again but somethimes it is that which helps. She might want someone to talk to and thats all!

Its good that you have a good relationship, that means she trusts you! So take this to your advantage and tell her that she looks good! That she wouldnt want to get thinner or shill be too thin! Things like that! I mean dont egsagerate but try and help her see herself as beautiful! Im sure everyone felt ugley one time or another, so use that experience to help her out!

You could train together, excersise! i dont know just a few ideas!
Anyways good luck!

[zombiette]

with all respect, i would actually disagree with the above post...of course it is important to tell her she is beautiful from the inside out, but too much focus on ur niece's appearance, symptoms, etc, could make her feel very self-concious about it and less willing to keep on opening up to u...she needs to feel like she has an identity beyond her disorder...secondly, i don't believe that eating disorders have much to do with weight or physical appearance at all...that may sound strange, but they're things used to mask up the real problem. i used to be anorexic and believe it or not, i thought i was attractive prior to the disorder and knew that i was thin already...it is about control (the irony is that u completely lose that in ur search for it...). there are much bigger problems, insecurities and fears going on inside ur head and that is what is really worrying her, not whether she is fat or not.