[comicgeek007]

At the risk of being a little tmi:

Visiting boyfriend for the first time in half a year. I was naked in front of him at one point and suddenly I felt so fat! I had been doing really well about eating for a few weeks, but now all the urges to not eat and purge when i do are back full force.

That, and today I went swimming and wore my one piece because it's more modest in front of his family and it made my stomach look so big I nearly cried.

This is supposed to be my vacation but I'm having a hard time having fun because of my stupid ED.

[spondiferous]

I have to admit. I have shut myself off from my body. Whenever I see myself in a mirror there is a little jolt of despair but I have learned to bypass it, and replace it with reassurance that it's my body and I live in it and there is more to a body than how it looks, and even then I am not the best judge of how it looks because I have such poor body image. I just bought a swimsuit last year for the first time since I was maybe 10. Since the age of 13 or so it was tshirts and shorts for me. Long before I ever had a 'problem' with my weight.
Is there anything you can do to distract yourself when your thoughts turn to body anxiety? Can you try to bring yourself into the moment and focus on things around you to defocus from the bad body thoughts?

[joker_girl]

I know being naked in front of my husband of almost twenty years bothers me. I try to have a towel around me when coming out of the bathroom. I imagine him being repulsed. I don't know why.

I'm too big now, although he doesn't seem aware of it. I try to make sure I have on a big t shirt or something at least in bed.

If this is tmi delete it, but I always make sure the lights are dim if we are making love, and I don't like to be "on top", because I figure he can see my fat stomach and butt and boobs and be grossed out. Fortunately,it doesn't seem to repulse him, maybe because he is not thin. But I HATE to do like that ans have him running his hands all over my fat stomach and back. I'm embarrassed. And this is my husband of twenty years.....he loves me.

Because he has seen me at fat, thin, and normal, it's not nearly as anxiety inducing as a new relationship. So I feel you pain. (((((((((Hugs))))))))

When I had lost weight a few years ago, by strict starvation and super exercise, I was thin enough that if I laid down flat on my back, my hip bones jutted out sharply enough that my swimsuit or whatever it was.....the bottoms wouldn't lay flat....because my stomach was so sunk in. I actually LIKED it for some reason, although it's not a look I like in others. So, I was laying in bed, looking across in the mirror, admiring my skinniness, and I could tell my husband wasn't impressed by his expression. He tends to keep track of when I ate last ugh.

[comicgeek007]

Found out part of the problem was I was about to start my period. And I skipped a day of meds... feeling much better now.

[pinkbutterfly]

oh yeah...i always feel a LOT worse before my period...although I had an ablation, and I don't get a period now, so I'm just a mess lol..I never know if it's hormones or just me.

glad you're feeling better