[Caab]

I weighed myself. I'm not happy. I'm in my boyfriends parents house and it was just sitting there in the bathroom screaming at me.

I don't like the number. I never do. But I really hate this number

It's burned into my head

[Victoria'smom]

I always have to use scales if they are there in others bathroom. I don't own one myself. I wish we could block out #'s.

[eskielover]

I always give a reasonable amount for the cloths I'm wearing which brings my weight closer to acceptable & when I have losttoo much I usually wear heaver cloths to my md's appointment. Thought I was doing that at my last pain specialist appt.but ate something that didn't agree with my system & it hit right when I arrived. Nothing I could do to counter that & showed up as even greater loss that he commented on,

[Caab]

Ugh it's yuck. And my mind is constantly wondering what it's doing to my BMI. I grew 1 1/2 cm a year or so ago during recovery and I swear I thought I'd throw a parade.

Nobody is weighing me religiously so I've nothing to hide. But it affects *me*. I just feel so inadequate. Like if I've to be mentally ill then at least be 'good' at it. Wtf. I know I know. But I just think if I have to have an ed, then the least I could do is be thin to show it. And I'm not thin right now, I'm normal.

I think it's just about challenging these clearly disordered thoughts and try to make my automatic thoughts me more healthy. Sigh

[cka87]

Originally Posted by Caab

Ugh it's yuck. And my mind is constantly wondering what it's doing to my BMI. I grew 1 1/2 cm a year or so ago during recovery and I swear I thought I'd throw a parade.

Nobody is weighing me religiously so I've nothing to hide. But it affects *me*. I just feel so inadequate. Like if I've to be mentally ill then at least be 'good' at it. Wtf. I know I know. But I just think if I have to have an ed, then the least I could do is be thin to show it. And I'm not thin right now, I'm normal.

I think it's just about challenging these clearly disordered thoughts and try to make my automatic thoughts me more healthy. Sigh

Dude I can totally relate right now. I feel like a failure at having at eating disorder, I don't even deserve to recover because I'm too fat to even have a problem! I'm so normal right now it's hard to make recovery choices bc I feel like I'm failing.

But yes, it's going to be harder and braver to choose recovery than to keep choosing your ED! We don't have to be a certain weight- it's not about the weight, I know easier said than believed...

Also I stopped weighing myself a month ago and honestly it has been such a good thing for me. I realized that my weight NEVER made me happy. If I lost I wanted to lose more, if I gained or maintained it just tortured me. I would encourage you if you don't have to be weighed for health reasons to give it a try, it has been a really good thing for me not knowing my weight.

[AmmoniaJane]

I hear that, I remember that when I went to see a T a couple of years ago, and brought up my ED, she just sort of shrugged it off cause it "obviously wasn't too much of a problem", yeah that was a great thing to tell someone, and only made me want to try harder because I wasn't eating disorded "enough" in my mind.

[eskielover]

I do hate the scales. I like to make sure my weight does.nt start to go up so I can manage tbat but when it starts to go down it like a challenge for more...hate that thinking & feeling

[caseygirl]

My weigh in in the morning sets the tone for the day. I'm not losing like I want to so I'm continually on the road of depression.

[ar2004]

I've gone 5 days without losing and it is making me upset. I even did two workouts yesterday. All I can figure is I need to drink more water to flush out stuff like sodium. I wish I wasn't a prisoner to the scale.