[winterglen]

I just checked Facebook. One of my former copatients posted something about how this past month she "almost died" from reaching apparently a very low weight. She described how sick and weak she was.

And I was intensely jealous.

I was also ashamed because I spent the same past month stuffing my face and being healthy.

I hate that she's proven that she is much better than me and deserves more kindness and kudos than I do.

I know. I'm a total sympathy *****. I should be glad that she had not died, and I am. I would never wish anyone to suffer like that. I just wish I had been more "almost dead" than she was, so I could bask in everyone's good wishes too.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Congratulations and MAJOR KUDOS for NOT almost dying. It's much harder to live healthily than starve yoursef.

[wiltedxdaisy]

There is nothing shameful about being in recovery -- recovery takes hard work, determination, strength, courage, etc. To be able to say "NO!" to your Eating Disorder is an amazing accomplishment, and for that you so should so proud of yourself. I know that I am proud of you and I know a lot of other people are too.

I have felt similar feelings, like because I wasn't a certain weight, I must not to good enough, or doing it right, etc. But that's ED's ugly voice telling us those things. It wants us to come back... but you've come so far, and so please keep fighting.

I wish you the best in your recovery, and agree with the person above. Recovery is something to celebrate, and something I agree you deserve kudos for.

[eskielover]

There is nothing thrilling about being at that point......& in all honesty, that's NOT THE KIND OF ATTENTION we really need.

You need to be proud of yourself for taking the healthy road & not being so careless with your life. It's not easy to be in that place & you shouldn't dismiss is as being a lesser choice.

[spondiferous]

I can relate to what you are saying. I have the same thoughts as well. The important thing is to continue challenging them. At least you recognize them as something that aren't part of a healthy lifestyle anymore. That's a huge piece.