How badly do I want to beat this...

I have had an eating disorder of sorts for 11 years now. It comes and goes and has never gotten horribly critical. Sometimes I don't even have to worry about it, my eating returns to 'normal' and I feel much better about myself. Then I realize I'm starting in with the behaviours and emotions along with them and before I know it I'm neck deep in the issues again.

This week I admitted that I am having a problem with it again. There's usually only a small window between when I can see it happening again, and am ready to get help before it gets to the point where I don't want to give it up. Yesterday I told my counselor, and explained the whole pattern/window, etc.

She referred me to a group that meets once a month for four months, and begins very soon. I'm feeling so mixed up about it. Relief, fear, overwhelmed, hopefully, anxious, and pessimistic about it all. There are not a lot of resources in my area for me, as most are for adolescents only.

I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this, perhaps some encouragement or validations. I'm just so tired of always being anxious about it...

My first thought was that once a month isn't that often to really get insight into your behaviors...but I guess maybe if you go to them, you will be able to get other resources for help. Maybe someone knows another group that meets weekly or something.

Either way...it would not hurt to attend the meetings

It isn't nearly enough but for anything other than this I'd have to drive an hour at least. It's really discouraging.

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Its only 1x a month look at it more like 4 seminars see if you can record them. It doesn't matter if you want to get better if they are seminars.

if anything it was great to read your post i am still struggling with just looking at some one and saying i have a problem. that is why i am here hiding behind my computer. i hope to build enough confidence to some day do what you are doing. step by step. thank you for sharing.

Thanks for all the input. I spoke with one of the group leaders and it sounds like it will be a positive group. I was worried it would involve scare tactics or shaming, but she said it will be more focused on self esteem boosts and coping with stress. I'm nervous about talking about it face to face with people but it might turn out to be rather liberating. I guess I'll find out next Thursday...
Thanks again for the input. Xoxo
IJ

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Let us know how it goes! You are brave to give it a try. It has been my experience that ED's are something that wax and wane for a lot of people - so you are most definitely not alone in that. I really hope this will be a good group. Thanks for sharng.

Last night was the first group meeting. I was super nervous, but it ended up being better than I had expected. It started out awkwardly, just because everyone was nervous, like me. They started by saying we were going to do an icebreaker and I was ready to run for the door....but it turned out to be us writing anonymously on paper why we were here and what we were hoping to achieve, and they read it out. We talked about perfectionism and mindfulness and then we had a choice to do yoga or a meditation. I chose the yoga, even though it's not something I'm used to. For the 40 minutes that we did it, I felt like I was normal, and that I belonged. It was gentle and positive, and relaxing. I haven't felt normal anywhere in a long time, so it was quite a relief.

It was nice that we talked about the issues around problamatic eating, without going into detail on specific eating behaviours. And we weren't forced to talk if we didn't want to, or anything like that.

Each month they are planning on doing the same format: talking for the first part and an activity after. There's going to be a drum circle, some kind of art therapy, and a team building activity at the other things.

I'm glad I went because it will help in a gentle way, without having to commit to changing behaviours, or eating x, y or z or whatever. Just support so that the triggers aren't as bad.

Thanks for the support while I was deciding
xo
IJ

Sounds really great.....glad you have a place to get the kind of support with others who struggle & ideas on how to deal with the stressful things that trigger the behavior of disordered eating that ends up in an ED again......it's not easy........as there is always something in our life that's a trigger....learning how to handle that is step #1

Glad it turned out so positive