[toneMe]

Hi, people! I am eighteen years old and I've been bulimec for a few years. Wow, what a first impression, right? Well, the vomiting thing has been off and on because the two people in my life (none who I'm related to) really don't like it when they find out I puke. I have a hard time lying to both of them, so I always tell them when I vomit. When I tell them, I stop for a little bit, but I can't help starting again.
Anyway.
One of my friends doesn't think I need to lose weight (he's dillusional) and all he says is that I need to get toned (hence the username). I just need help. I work out, excessivly, but that too is off and on. it hasn't changed. My body tone peaked when I was fifteen. Now, people think I am fifteen because I'm so out of tone-ness.
It's so frustrating. I'm not technically overweight for a person of my height but I know weight doesn't matter. It's about the padding on my body. It drives me mad. I just want to get rid of it. I know it shouldn't be such a driving factor in my happiness, but I Can't help it. People think I'm so confidant, and I act like i am, but the reality of it is, I would trade my confidance for free liposuction any day. Help! help me get rid of it or get over it : K

[Lighthope]

Hey toneMe -

Your post made me smile - I like the way your write. It must be difficult to get help sometimes if you always project such a confident image. Welcome to the boards. I hope you stay. I am new as well. I am in recovery from anorexia and bulimia. I would write more, but I need to start limiting my online time.

take care!

[Rapunzel]

Welcome, toneMe and lighthope also!

ToneMe, do you know what bulimia does to your health? I know that you proably see any padding you may have as fat that you want to lose, but you are not overweight, so you don't have more than your body needs. Without that padding you will get hurt more easily and be cold all the time, as well as have other health problems. Exercise and muscle building, in moderation, is a good thing. It's interesting that you call your friend delusional. Discrepancy in body image is something that goes along with eating disorders, so chances are he sees you more accurately than you see yourself. Can you help me understand why you see yourself as needing to lose weight when you acknowlege that you are not overweight?

Bulimia is really hard to fight on your own, even when you have friends who want to help you. Does your doctor know about your bulimia? I hope that you will go to a doctor or mental health professional and get treatment for this serious condition. Will you? Like Ozzie said, there is usually more behind eating disorders than just wanting to be thin. There are probably issues that drive you to feel that way. Therapy can help you to resolve those issues and be able to have a more satisfying and healthier life.

I wish you well!

<font color=orange>"They accused us of suppressing freedom of expression. This was a lie and we could not let them publish it." ... from the Director of Censorship...

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[toneMe]

When I was in seventh grade, I went to this "health class" which was required for our school. We watched this "lifetime" made-fo- tv movie about a bulimic girl who ends up in the hospital. You know, the logic in me knows what I'm doing is wrong, but I find myself bowing to the toilet anyway. That's the half that knows I'm not overweight for my age or height. But then there's just the rest of me that tells me I am. I justify my feeling huge by the fact that "weight means nothing." I guess I figure my body looks overweight though it's not. I don't think my doctor has caught on since most of my visits have been quickies... medi-quickies...
I'm sure with some serious meditation, I could hit the nerve that makes me understand why I feel the urge to purge.

Thanks for the warm welcome, guys. It's good to know that other people are there. I never told my family about it. And "HI!" lighthope. Welcome, sistah! hehehe.

I was raised in a family that made me believe sharing my problems with people who know me, or know enough things about me, was bad and disgraceful. That's why talking to you all feels okay to me. But, at the same time, it's made me scared of therapy. thanks though, for being there. When my family can't be there for me, it is something kind of special to know a random stranger will be.

[Rapunzel]

Listening to logic that you know makes perfectly good sense is hard when you feel a different way. Changing your feelings is much harder. Still, if you can recognize the logic, then that is a first step. Keep reminding yourself of the logic, and eventually if you let it, it can seep in to the deeper layers of feeling.

Eating disorders are related to deeper problems, which is what makes it so hard to just stop, even when you know that what you are doing isn't good for you. That's why it takes professional treatment to conquer eating disorders. I'm glad that talking to us here feels okay to you, even though your family made you feel that you can't talk to them about these things. Maybe after a while you will be more able to tell a therapist or doctor. I have found that being understood and accepted here has helped me a lot, and I wish the same to you.

<font color=orange>"They accused us of suppressing freedom of expression. This was a lie and we could not let them publish it." ... from the Director of Censorship...

</font color=orange>