[utterlyconfused]

Its been a while since I last posted up here. Things have taken a turn for the worse. My therapist and I had a serious talk about treatment if I were to have to go, how long would it probably be if I had to go, and what can I do to prevent me having to go.

So she talked to the WISH program at my school and she said that the nutritionist is free of charge, and sine I'm 18 I can sign the paperwork. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this because I want to get better, but the ed has almost become a friend of mine. My birthday was last week and so I pretty much had a binge week with my gigantic cake, but now my ana thoughts are starting to creep into my mind again (although they were never really gone).

I'm pretty nervous about going to the nutritionist and I really feel like I'm alone in my recovery process. I want to take my friend with me, but he is all for me getting sent off to a clinic so I'll get better. I feel like I'm getting cornered with everything and just thinking about going to the nutritionist makes me feel like I'm about to have a panic attack. I don't want to go at all, but I can't afford going to the clinic.

Can anyone give me any advice about what the first time with a nutritionist is like for people who suffer from anorexia?

[buttrfli42481]

The first visit is a getting to know you kind of visit, at least it was for me. I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork and talk about what brought me there. Near the end she weighed me blind and we discussed what I would need to do to get to a healthy weight. We then made a very simple meal plan. For me, it was to eat very simple things like pb&j, cereal, soup, etc. and to have ensure for snacks. Of course, I had to supplement myself if I didn't eat which was hard. This was all on my word, I had no one to stare me down and make sure that I was doing it. I could have lied at each visit, but my weight would tell the truth.

Know that it is very scary to lose this "Friend" and it is ok to be scared and anxious. Also know that we are here to support you and care about you. I don't know if you have heard of pocket riders or not, but they are people online here that "go" with you to anxiety provoking/scary/worrisome appointments. If you have a small item that you could put in your pocket to touch when you start to get nervous and remember that you have friends online thinking about you. Just post the day and time of your appt. and ask for pocket riders.

I keep looking at your signature line that says "You are fearfully and wonderfully made." What a great phrase! If you don't tell yourself that already, I suggest you start. A little bit of encouragement to start your day.

[utterlyconfused]

Originally Posted by buttrfli42481

The first visit is a getting to know you kind of visit, at least it was for me. I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork and talk about what brought me there. Near the end she weighed me blind and we discussed what I would need to do to get to a healthy weight. We then made a very simple meal plan. For me, it was to eat very simple things like pb&j, cereal, soup, etc. and to have ensure for snacks. Of course, I had to supplement myself if I didn't eat which was hard. This was all on my word, I had no one to stare me down and make sure that I was doing it. I could have lied at each visit, but my weight would tell the truth.

Know that it is very scary to lose this "Friend" and it is ok to be scared and anxious. Also know that we are here to support you and care about you. I don't know if you have heard of pocket riders or not, but they are people online here that "go" with you to anxiety provoking/scary/worrisome appointments. If you have a small item that you could put in your pocket to touch when you start to get nervous and remember that you have friends online thinking about you. Just post the day and time of your appt. and ask for pocket riders.

I keep looking at your signature line that says "You are fearfully and wonderfully made." What a great phrase! If you don't tell yourself that already, I suggest you start. A little bit of encouragement to start your day.

Thanks... I really don't know how tomorrow's session will go with my therapist, but we have 4 hours to talk if I need that long, so that'll be nice.

I have never heard of pocket riders before... and that sounds like a great idea. I'm definitely going to need that if I get weighed blind because I practically live off of the numbers that come from the scale.

It will be very hard for me to be honest and hold myself accountable. My therapist has pretty much got me figured out, so I can't lie to her, but I don't know if the nutritionalist will be able to figure me out as easily or not. I'm going to try to do my best to be honest though.

I don't tell myself "you are fearfully and wonderfully made" on a regular basis, but I do plan to get that tattooed on my right rib cage when I can get the money. Thats the side I always look at in the mirror and having that there will hopefully help me in the recovery process and will help me to stay strong in the future.