I have had problems with disordered eating for a long time, but particularly since I had a bad experience at my first college and transferred out. I was a dance major there and for a year at school had been eating very healthily, and regularly, but as I entered my sophomore year, began to eat too much unhealthy junk foods like pizza and candy. I would eat these things when I felt sad or lonely, and as I began to feel that more and more, I ate more and more of those things, and less vegetables, more sugar etc...
Ever since I've had very disordered eating habits, and I decided to go vegetarian about a year ago, partially as a way to regulate how I was eating, and partially because of the horror of the meat packing industry. However, I quickly discovered that most sweets I was already eating were indeed vegetarian...so then I attempted to move towards veganism. What could be better than to lose weight, cut the sugar habit, and save animals?
However, I have not managed to do this, and I think it has only added to my disordered eating. I want to become a healthy vegetarian, but right now it feels like I'm starving myself or replacing meat with sugary carbs. My family doesn't seem to understand: my mother just says it is a question of willing myself not to eat the box of cookies. However, it's become such a comfort thing, I'm not sure how to break the habit! I've never been underweight so I don't think anyone will get alarmed for my health except if they saw me faint or something... I really hope it doesn't get to that! I'm trying to change my ways.
I think I may have to eat fish from time to time to fill the protein gap until I can better govern my eating habits. I feel like a bad vegetarian... I do care about animals, and I decided to not eat them when I asked myself whether i could kill a chicken with my own hands and decided I couldn't. I just worry that it's part of my disorder too.

[AnthonyDerBlaue]

Have you tried soya replacements for meat (like quorn, although if you're still focused on veganism quorn isn't suitable). It contains the same amount of protein as normal meat, and additionally doesn't contain any fat. If you really feel that you can't eat fish or meat, something like tofu or soya might be good. Like you appear to know already, it's important in a vegetarian diet to make sure it's balanced, so looking into taking vitamin supplements or something of the sort may be a good idea.
All the best!

Hi bluedonna92! I've been a vegetarian for almost 25 years, and I know it's just as easy to eat unhealthy without animal products as with them.

I wonder if you wouldn't gain some benefits from seeing a therapist regarding your eating habits. Have you done so? Willing oneself to not eat a box of cookies isn't easy to do without support and the trappings of old habits. If they make you feel better - even temporarily - you likely tend to go back to them, even if in the end, you feel worse about eating them. From what you said about your college experience, there may be something you can discuss in therapy that, if addressed, might assist in lessening your need for eating comforting, yet unhealthy, foods.

[Melmo]

I know exactly what you mean. I have disordered eating and was vegetarian for 5 months and a vegan for a few weeks but couldn't do it and still feel like a failure. I still want to be vegan but I don't try because I know I will fail and then hate myself all over again.