[maddnessreturns]

I had my first official day in ED outpatient clinic. It was an exhausting day. I had different things from 11am until 4pm. The group wasn't as bad as I thought it would be although I never got up the nerve to say anything. It was nice to be able to relate to other people for once. I see the nutritionist next week so that involves getting a meal plan from what I understand.

I'm honestly having a really bad night and can't sleep. My ED side of me just won't seem to shut up if that makes any sense. I don't feel like I deserve to be in treatment because I'm not at my worst or I'm not sick enough.

I'm just having the best of luck right now on coping. I decided ok maybe some support chat will help. Bad idea the topic was weight and how to lose it etc.

[kaliope]

it is ok to go to group and not talk. the important thing is to know you are not alone. to be able to identify with other peoples stories. see what other people have done to get better. utilize their coping skills in times of stress. in time you may get brave enough to talk. just keep going. take care.

[spondiferous]

Congratulations madnessreturns, on getting into outpatient. I was doing that for awhile and even though I felt all the same things you talk about here - like I'm not sick enough, like I don't belong here, not at my worst - I kept going because I kept hearing things that sounded like me. We didn't focus on the details of our disorders but more on the details of disordered eating in a general way, what it does to a person's self esteem, what some of the root causes are, and how to build a stronger foundation. I kept going because I knew that i had to. I was active all the way through...and I hated myself every time I went. I felt like a fraud. But towards the end of my first group I had a revelation that enabled me to go behaviour-free for a few months. And HAPPY about it. So, you never know what can happen. I believe that everything we do for ourselves, wherever we are at the time, gets stored for later use. So even if you feel like you're just skimming the surface now, keep at it. You never know what will happen. And I'm glad you came here and shared your doubts with us. Keep doing that too. Honesty is the most important thing of all. Best of luck on your journey...