[Christina86]

I feel fat.
I mean, more than usual.
A lot more than usual.
Went bathing suit shopping with my mother.

... I feel fat. So fat.

My dad bought me clothes. I felt fat.

I hang out with my family. I feel fat.

And I am. I'm overweight. I know that. But it's HARD keeping weight off when you're in a wheelchair and can't do most activities people do to lose weight.

My doctors don't seem to have a major problem with my weight. I'm healthy enough otherwise... minus my disabilities... but they tell me that I'm healthy so I shouldn't worry too much about how much I weigh.

But I feel fat. So fat.

I love food too much. It is comfort. It is nice.

But then in a split second decision, my brain decides that I should starve myself because I'd "feel better about myself". Which is a very convincing statement, but also a lie.

So I yo-yo - from eating to not eating to eating again... and I've seen dieticians and I've seeing physical therapists, and I've got too many doctors ...

But all I really want to do is lose all this excess weight and be skinny. But if I'm skinny, would I still be me? Would that make me happy, really? Probably not.

*goes and gets food after not eating for 9 hours because she doesn't feel she deserved to eat*

[Secretum]

You have my support. Being in a wheelchair and trying to lose weight can't be easy. I'm sure you're beautiful at the weight you're at.

[Victoria'smom]

I have CP so it's hard to find an exercise that I can do. The only thing that seems to help the muscle atrophy is swimming. Is there a way you can spend time in the water?

[eskielover]

I found that swimming was the best exercise of everything I ever did....swam the whole 9 months I was pregnant with my daughter determined not to gain an ounce......other than what her weight normally would be. I was more than successful. Back into my pre-baby cloths on the way home from the hospital after 3 days of having the c-section & when I went back to my accounting class after Easter Break (had her the week before the break)....the guy who sat next to me commented that I had lost a little weight over the holiday.....he didn't realize I had been pregnant (duh).

Swimming for me was also relaxing even though I really hate water that is over my head.....the lift of the water & the exercise that swimming gives is all over the body.

Had to do the stationary exercise bike after having my knee reconstructed when I destroyed the ACL.....that was a pain & definitely didn't like it as much as swimming even though it was NECESSARY to build back up my ability to walk again.

I had PT for almost a year after that knee surgery & lost more weight & was in my best condition even better than when I was JUST playing racquettball (which is how I blew out my ACL).

I have found that the focused exercising is actually the best for getting into shape & loosing weight rather than not eating like I do now. Know many people with disabilities that swimming is their best solution to health & weight loss along with conscientious dieting with specific foods left out because of their sugar content. All the foods with high fructose it's no wonder that we are ALL gaining weight & out of control.

Hope you can find something that works for you & keeps you healthy & feeling better about yourself......you are the big picture not just what you think you look like. Im sure your MD's would tell you if they thought your weight was a problem.........but I understand the feeling of wanting to be less then what they consider a problem to be.

[spondiferous]

(((Christina86)))
You have my support also. I think it's great that your doctor says you're healthy...but yeah, if it doesn't do anything to ease your mind then it's not good for much, I know too well. clothing shopping is the worst, the absolute worst...

[lovesdogs99]

No matter what weight you are, you are still you!

Starving yourself is unhealthy.. Since you're in a wheel chair and can't do much exercise.. If you do want to lose a bit of weight.. eat very healthy and exercise as much as your body can take.

DON'T push yourself.. don't starve.. it's not the answer. There's nothing wrong with how you are right now, remember that.

It's okay to want to lose a little weight, but it's not okay to think you're worthless if you can't. And if you can't lose weight, try something else to make you feel better about yourself. You're beautiful no matter what.