[poptardqueen]

My ED is coming back hardcore. And at this point I almost want it back
I havent eaten in 5 days (which I'm sure is nothing to most of you)
Nothing. Zero. I've been living off of water, vitamins, cigarettes, diet energy drinks, diet coke and coffee.

I'm so scared to eat anything at all, now that I'm on a 'roll.'
I'm a recovered anorexic. Too recovered (read:FAT)
I got down to 100lbs at 5'9 when I was 18 (im 22 now), which I know it's not THAT bad, but still, I worried a lot of people. Let's just say I dont weigh that little anymore, ugh.

My moods have been going all over the place the past week. For the most part I have been SO angry I want to do major harm to someone or myself. I am Dx Bipolar, but I can't decide if it's the biploar or the not eating that is making me so up and down constantly. One minute I'm singing and dancing (literally), the next I want to scream and yell and punch, and the next I just cry and want to cut and do myself in finally.

This not eating is, for the most part, just giving me a high like you wouldnt believe. Like I havent had in a long time. I can't tell if I'm manic or just starving.

Here's the point to my post, I have an appointment with my Pdoc and therapist this week (tomorrow in fact)...... should I tell them I'm not eating again? I'm afraid of what they will do or say. It's not like I'm underweight or anything, but I'm still afraid they will freak out.

Now I'm bulemic/pseudo-anorexic with all my purging and restricting. I want to quit, but I dont, can anyone relate? It's a vicious cycle, to say the least.

Any advice (besides just telling me to JUST EAT) would be much appreciated.

[ickydog2006]

I think you should really tell your PDoc/ T. It sounds like there are probably some underlying issues that you need to work on. Try to hang in there and remember that you shouldn't be trying to fight this on your own.

Good luck

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

[cajun]

Pop, Hope everything gets better. PM me if you need to talk. Your Friend, Cajun

[Soidhonia]

Hello PQ.
I really feel that you need to call your therapist and DR. so they can help you during this time you are having. I think it is a very courageous thing asking for help here at Psych Central, and I sincerely hope you get the help you need and deserve for your issues. Take care and good day. Soidhonia

[lil_bit]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
poptardqueen said:
Now I'm bulemic/pseudo-anorexic with all my purging and restricting. I want to quit, but I dont, can anyone relate? It's a vicious cycle, to say the least.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yes, i most definitely can relate to you as i'm sure many others here can. It truly is a vicious cycle, knowing that you should quit for your health but not wanting to for so many other reasons. I think you should tell your pDoc and/or T, i'm sure they won't freak out but they will help you to get around this.

((((hugs!))))