I ate a container of ice cream last nite - EDDY's very vanilla - what a 1.75 qt.. maybe I'm wrong on the size. I do know that my tounge feels permenantly numb and raw. I also ate 2 cake mixes - vanilla - mix them up with milk - no eggs and ate them uncooked. then I ate a container of ready made frosting...

I don't feel better, I feel more depressed then ever. I feel that my life will never be "right" or "free".

My T talked about losing weight - I almost laughed. to do that I would have to stop binging, use my sleep apena machine, get off paxil and become active ignoring my pain from the fibrom. plus get over my severe anxiety of being slender again. all this while managing my asthma and my lack of being able to breathe.

Can we all say mircle??? like maybe a 5 percent chance of me pulling that off? can we say years of work to do that?

Can we say absolutely no support in my life?

Paxil, I've tried 5 times - withdrawal is very severe for me... am I willing to try again??? yes... but it will be a very long process...

This T is new to me and I repect him. However, for the first time in my life I''m trying to be realistic. I don't want to live for dreams anymore. I don't want to live for that tiny ray of hope that represents a 5 percent chance of making it.

I've made my peace with the world. I don't believe that ED can be cured or even controlled anymore. Perhaps if your ED stems from wanting to look good - perhaps. But if your ED is from "fixing" what is wrong with your life - then no.

Some people are unfixable.

[Soidhonia]

Hello Freewill.
I am sorry that you had a bad day. I hope you feel better soon, Take care PM anytime Soidhonia

[Rapunzel]

Freewill,

If you want to beat this, you can. You have to take one step at a time, and not look at everything and get overwhelmed. It's fine if it takes a while, and every bit of progress you make counts. Just keep putting one foot ahead of the other...

Or you can choose to work on accepting yourself the way you are, and that's ok too.

TC,
Rap

[mtaylor]

I agree you have to take it one day at a time. Sometimes looking so far into the future causes more anxiety and we tend to break down and go backwards. Old habits and tendencies are very hard to break and change. Break it down. Work on one thing and at time and slowly move forward.

[razeljenny]

Huggs ((((((((((((((((Freewill))))))))))))))))))))))))

Love ya

[winnetka]

Dear freewill,
mtaylor has a great post - break it down, do one thing at a time.
I'm struggling with several EDs, too. I think your post mentioned several goals you were thinking about. I'm not perfect, I'm overweight, but from what I understand NOT doing something is harder than Doing something. In other words, I am trying not to worry about my being overweight again, I'm trying to exercise every day. I'm trying not to avoid eating candy but I'm trying to eat more protein and lettuce, which really does a good job of reducing my hunger and there's less room for starch and sugar (my faves). I have degenerative disc disease, so I can relate to your fibromyalgia pain. I've lost an inch in height due to ruptured discs. I have to keep active because not being active lets my back muscles spasm and then the pain is worse for me. Right now I'm not doing a really good job of balancing internet usage and being active, er, um... I need to turn my computer off and go start a load of laundry... I think it's really helpful to commu nicate with people who understand what you're going through! Thanks for posting, but please accept that you're not uncurable! We care about you. write us back, ok?

[desperado]

Freewill,

Have you tried writing down what you eat daily? And how you feel before/during/after? I know it's time-consuming & a pain in the *****, but it could prove to be helpful.

Good luck.

Des